Chloe's Call
by Tarrant
Summary: Sam faces another crisis
1. Facing The Demons

Facing the Demons Disclaimer: Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia Saunders and Stephen   
Kronish. No copyright infringement intended. 

Classification: SBR 

Rated: PG 13 

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. This part takes   
place before Chloe's Call. 

Special Thanks: To my two addictions. Love you both! Thanks for the daily support.   
{{{{{hugs}}}}}} Also thanks to Tina for her brainstorming help.   
  
  


'Facing The Demons'   
Chapter One   
by Tarrant   


Three o'clock in the morning and Sam is sitting quietly in an overstuffed chair in her living   
room. She had sat there in the same place every night for two months. So many decisions to make   
and not one option for what she really wanted to do. She was dying inside. Day after day, little by   
little the pain grew and she knew what she needed to do but she just couldn't face it. 

"Okay Sam, I'm not going to wait any longer you have to tell me what is going on." Sam jumped   
and looked over at the figure leaning against the door frame. It was Angel and she was glaring at   
Sam. 

Sam looked away and stared off in the distance. Finally she cleared her throat. "I'm not ready   
Angel, I have to give Chlo more time." 

Angel moved over and knelt down in front of Sam. "Sam, it's been months. Every night you sit   
here and cry. I know something is up. The time has come to share it. Please Sam let me help you." 

Sam's eyes welled up with tears. She stared at Angel and then dropped her head. "I don't want   
help Angel. I just want it to go away." 

"It is obvious that it isn't. Now, tell me what *it* is." Angel waited for a moment and then gently   
placed her hand on Sam's. 

Sam automatically wrapped her hand around Angel's and held it there tightly. Finally she said.   
"We have been through so much together. I thought we were finally going to have some   
happiness." She paused and took a deep breath. "I hope you will stick with me again Angel."   
Angel nodded and Sam continued. "I.. I..," Sam took her free hand and placed it against her   
breast. She tilted her head slightly and pursed her lips in an embarrassed grimace. "Angel, I found   
a lump. It's growing." 

Angel stared at Sam as the tears came to her eyes and began to run down her cheeks. "Oh Sam,   
you should have told me. Oh God, you must be so frightened." Sam nodded and Angel hugged her   
tightly. Gently she pulled away and looked Sam in the eyes. "I know you are concerned about   
Chloe, Sam, but I will take care of her. We need to take care of you now. Sam, you can't wait   
anymore. Please. I need my best friend. We have to get you seen about." 

Sam nodded gently. "Angel, I gave her as long as I could. I just want her to have a normal   
childhood." 

"I know. But the time has come to deal with this now. Tomorrow morning we make you an   
appointment. Now, do you think you can sleep for a while?" 

"I'll try." 

As she stood up, Angel again wrapped her arms around her and hugged her. "Sam, you're going   
to be fine. We're going to take care of you." 

In the morning after breakfast and after Chloe had gone off with friends for the day, Sam sat at   
the breakfast table with Angel and stared down at the floor. Finally she said, "I'm going to call   
Tim Gerald. It feels a little funny going to someone I know about this, but I trust him and I know   
he will take the best possible care of me." 

Angel nodded and gave Sam a soft comforting smile. "I think that is very wise Sam. I know he   
will do everything to help you." 

Sam was surprised when Tim's receptionist put her through directly to him. "Sam!" he said with   
pleased enthusiasm. "How are you?" 

Sam was quiet for a moment and then cleared her throat. "Tim, I need a favor." 

Sam's voice gave Tim the indication that this was not a pleasure call. "What do you need Sam?" 

"I think I need to see you professionally Tim." Sam swallowed hard and continued. "I found a   
lump in my breast. You know my family history." 

He was quiet for a moment and then said. "Sam, I'll see you in an hour." 

Sam and Angel arrived at the office and were immediately shown to an exam room. Sam changed   
into a gown and had barely sat on the table when Tim knocked on the door and opened it. He   
smiled gently at Sam and sat down on the rolling stool. "Okay Sam, tell me about it." 

Sam looked down at the floor and took a deep breath. "We're just getting our lives back Tim."   
She glanced up and saw his compassionate eyes. He nodded and she went on. "I found it about two   
months ago. I just couldn't face it any sooner. Anyway, it has grown and become sore." 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, two months, well, we have to deal with now so   
lets forget that okay. Lie down and lets take a look." Sam hesitated just an instant but he noticed.   
"Would you rather have one of my associates take care of you?" 

Sam adamantly shook her head and said "No, I want you. I know I can trust you and I know you   
care." Quickly she lay down and waited. 

As he approached the table he looked her in the eye and raised his brow as if again asking her if   
she was sure. Sam nodded, and he moved aside her gown. 

After the exam, he covered her up and said. "Sam, I want to try to aspirate some cells and send   
them for pathology. Is that okay?" Sam nodded and he turned and opened a drawer. When he   
turned back he had a small syringe. "I can give you something to numb the area if you would like   
but it will only take a minute and I have been told that numbing is worse than the procedure." 

"No, lets just do it." 

Angel moved to the other side of the table and took Sam's hand. Sam jumped a little when he first   
started but he was quick and then told her to get dressed and come to his office. 

Tim Gerald sat on the corner of his desk and looked at Sam. "Okay, Sam, I think we both know   
what we are dealing with. There is little doubt in my mind. I think it isn't necessary to wait for   
the tests to come back. I want to schedule the surgery and then if the test come back differently   
than I expect, we can cancel. How do you feel about that?" 

Sam stared at the floor. Her mind stumbling for footing. How do I feel? God, what are we talking   
about? I can't think. I feel numb. No, not numb, on fire. Desperate. Drowning. 

After several moments of silence, Sam began to shake, and she felt Angel's hand on her arm.   
"Sam!" Sam's eyes searched Angel's face for help. "Sam, your going to be okay. One step at a   
time." 

Slowly, Sam got herself back under control. She focused her thoughts. Finally she asked the   
questions she had dreaded the answers to. 

Yes, it is possible that it has spread, likely even. Yes, the surgery must take place very soon. Yes,   
the whole breast. 

Sam sat quietly, absorbing the answers. Treading the flood in her mind. Finally, she nodded her   
head. She had known the answers, and she knew the fight ahead. She had lived it before. Watched   
her mother. But this fight was different, her mother had had her father. Sam would face this   
without that comfort. 

Sam was quiet on the ride home. Lost in the mire of her mind and all the unknown fears. When   
they pulled up to the house Angel turned to Sam. "Sam, what..." 

"I don't know Angel, but I'll tell her somehow." 

"Do you want me to come in with you?" 

"No, I need to be alone right now please. I know I can call you. I just need to think and maybe   
sleep." 

As Sam entered the house, the fear gripped her. She slid to the floor, racked with sobs and buried   
her head in her knees. She struggled for control but it eluded her. The tears just kept coming. 

Finally, she regained enough control over her body that she was able to stand. She climbed the   
stairs and went to her room. As the tears continued to fall, Sam pulled off her clothes and went   
into the bathroom. Climbing into the shower, she eased to the bottom and let the water run over   
her. As the water began to run cold, Sam turned it off and continued to sit in the bottom of the   
tub. Her thoughts had drifted to Chloe and how she was going to tell her. She began to pray for   
the strength and wisdom to help her help Chloe through yet another bad time. When she began to   
shiver, she pulled herself up, dried off and put on some warm pajamas. 

Softly she padded down the stairs. When she reached the kitchen she found that Chloe was already   
home. "Hi, home so soon?" 

"Hey Momma. Yeah, I was getting hungry." Looking at Sam's outfit she smiled. "Guess we are   
eating in tonight, huh?" 

Sam gave her a small smile, "I don't feel much like going out, Chlo." Sam's look turned sad. "I   
need to talk to you." 

Warily, Chloe sat down, "About what?" 

Sam walked over and took Chloe's hand and pulled her up. Gently she led her down the hall and   
into the den. Snuggling up on the sofa, Sam pulled her into a tight hug. She was quiet for a bit and   
Chloe waited. She was pretty sure that she wasn't in trouble. Sam usually wasn't so loving when   
she was going to scold her, but she was concerned. 

Struggling with her thoughts, Sam sighed, it's now or never. She cleared her throat and opened   
her mouth. "Chloe" But the word was so soft that even Sam could hardly hear it. She tried again.   
"Chlo, I love you so much. I know that we have had some rough times, and you have made me   
very proud of you. You have shown some amazing strength. I would do anything in the world if I   
could change what you have had to face, but I can't. And now, I have to ask you to be strong   
again." 

Stiffening up, Chloe turned to look Sam in the eye. "What?" 

Sam's eyes were moist, but she refused to allow herself to fall apart. She was quiet again trying to   
decide the best way to say it. Gently she began again. "I have to have some surgery Chloe." 

Chloe was eyeing Sam, trying to gage what she was trying to say. "What kind of surgery?" 

Sam's hand unconsciously moved to her breast. Her voice suddenly steady and matter of fact. "I   
am going to have surgery on my breast, Chloe." 

Chloe's eyes gazed at Sam's hand, uncomprehending. After a minute she looked back into Sam's   
face, her confusion was obvious. 

Sam moved her hand to Chloe's cheek and as she looked deep into her eyes and pressed her hand   
onto her face, she whispered. "I have cancer, Chlo." 

Chloe stared at Sam as though she didn't know the word. Sam watched as her face showed the   
thoughts that ran through her mind. The last look frightened Sam. She had seen it before. Anger.   
She pushed away from Sam and stood up. Glaring down at her she said, "This isn't fair." As Sam   
reached for her, Chloe moved away. "No!" 

Sam put her arm down. "Okay Chlo, I know this isn't easy. I'm so sorry baby." 

Chloe stared at Sam for a bit and then said in a fragile voice, "Momma, I need to go see Angel." 

Sam nodded, "Do you want me to take you?" 

Chloe shook her head. "I'll walk." 

"Okay baby." 

When Chloe had left, Sam walked to the phone and called Angel. 

"Hello?" 

"She's on her way to see you." 

"Are you okay, Sam?" 

Sam's tears began again and softly she said. "Just hold her for me Angel." 

"I will, Sam. " 

"She hasn't eaten." 

"I'll take care of her." 

"Call me when she leaves. I want to know when she is coming home." 

"I'll bring her home. She's going to be okay." 

"Thank you, Angel." 

"I love her. And you, Sam. We're going to get through this." 

Sam hung up the phone and went and crawled into herbed. The tears she had held, flowed freely. 

When Angel opened the door, Chloe moved into her arms and cried. Angel held her and cried   
with her. When the tears finally subsided, she and Chloe went into the kitchen and Angel made   
them a salad. Then sat down at the table. They talked for a quite a while and then softly Angel   
said, "I know you are angry and frightened. It's okay. But your mother loves you and needs you.   
She is angry and frightened too." She paused and then went on almost whispering. "And, she is   
alone right now." 

Chloe looked a little shocked and then slowly she nodded her head and stood up. 

"You don't have to go Chloe." 

"No, I want to be with her. Will you take me home, Angel?" 

Chloe found Sam still lying in her bed. She stood in the doorway for a bit and then went over and   
crawled into bed next to Sam. Sam put her arms around her. They lay quietly together for a long   
time. 

Finally Sam whispered. "I love you Chloe. You are my sunshine." 

Chloe snuggled in closer. "Momma, when will you have the surgery?" 

"The day after tomorrow, Chlo." 

"Are you scared?" 

Sam nodded in the dark, afraid her voice would give away her terror. 

"Can I be with you?" Chloe asked quietly. 

Again Sam nodded. 

"Okay." 

Chloe and Sam held each other for the rest of the night. Neither slept. 

End of part One   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chloe's Call

Chloe's Call Disclaimer: Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia   
Saunders and Stephen Kronish. No copyright infringement intended. 

Classification: SBR 

Rated: PG 13 

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. 

Thanks go out for help to Cindy and Debbie. Special thanks to go Enni, you are wonderful. Also   
to Tina, thanks for the debriefing. 

'Chloe's Call'   
Chapter Two   
By Tarrant   


"Agent Malone, you have a call on line two" 

Bailey was working on old case files in his office. He picked up the phone and tersely answered   
"Malone." 

"Uncle Bailey?" 

Bailey felt his heart skip a beat. "Chloe, are you okay?" 

"I'm fine Uncle Bailey. But you did say that if I ever needed you, I could call, right?" 

"Absolutely, what do you need?" 

Chloe was quiet for a minute then said. "Mom is really going to be mad when she finds out I   
called you." 

"Why is that Chloe?" Bailey asked. 

"Because she is trying hard to learn to live without you." She said. 

Bailey felt a hard tug at his heart. "Chloe, can you hang on a minute." He put the phone on hold   
and got up from his desk. Crossing the room he worked hard on trying to control his pain. He   
closed the office door and shut the blinds. That was the signal to others not to disturb him. Slowly   
he walked back to the desk and took some deep breaths. He picked the phone back up and said.   
"I'm sorry I wanted to close the door so we could talk without being interrupted. What is it you   
need from me Chloe?" 

"I need you to come see us." 

"I don't know Chloe. Your mother has made it quite clear she doesn't want to see me. She hasn't   
called or written since she left here. It's been more than six months. Even you said she will be   
angry that you have called." 

"No Uncle Bailey, you don't understand. Look," Chloe paused for a minute, then continued.   
"Mom doesn't know how much she needs you and she has really been struggling to live without   
you but now she needs you more than ever. You do still love her don't you?" 

"Of course I still love her! What has changed now that she needs me more than ever?" 

Chloe sighed. "I didn't want to call you and I especially didn't want to tell you this over the phone   
but since I have too let me finish first, okay?" 

"Okay Chloe" Bailey's heart was beating a mile a minute. 

"Uncle Bailey, Mom's sick, she has to have surgery tomorrow and she needs things I can't give   
her and she needs you here. I need you here." Chloe was crying. "Please." 

Bailey's mind was racing and it felt like someone had just reached into his chest and pulled out his   
heart and put it in a vice. It felt like he suddenly had forgotten how to breathe. Finally he was able   
to speak. "Of course I'll come! Sick how, Chloe?" 

"The doctors say she has breast cancer. They are going to do the surgery in the morning. Then   
she has to have chemo and radiation. She is trying to be strong for me but she is so scared." 

Bailey felt his eyes well up with tears and the lump in his throat fell right to his toes. He knew   
Sam's mother had died of breast cancer when she was just ten. Now here was Chloe only twelve   
and facing losing her only parent to this disease. "Is Angel with her Chloe?" 

"Yes, but she can't comfort her like you." 

"Where are you Chloe?" 

Chloe hesitated for a moment and finally said softly. "We are still here in Atlanta. She will be at   
Atlanta General in the morning." 

Bailey felt a little ping in his heart again. So close, and yet she had been so far away. "Chloe,   
much as I would like, I don't think I should come before the surgery. Let me come after when she   
won't be so strong. I promise I will be there when she wakes up." 

"Okay Uncle Bailey, You probably know best. See you tomorrow." 

"I'm glad you called Chloe. I love you." 

Bailey put down the phone and closed his eyes. With tears rolling down his cheeks, he began to   
pray to a god that he rarely thought of. "Please!" He begged. "Don't let her die. Please let me find   
a way to reach her, let her know I love her and need her." 

It was a long night. Bailey made some plans and then sat on the sofa at home. His fear of losing   
Sam forever was only magnified by the fact he was afraid he had already lost her. Sam hadn't   
called in six months. She was trying to build a life without him. It was everything he could do not   
to run to Sam now, see her before her surgery. But he knew better. She would feel that he wasn't   
respecting her wishes to be lost. But she was wrong. He had respected her wishes. It was a   
struggle everyday not to search for her but he had managed. Even though he had all the resources   
of the FBI and could have done it easily, he hadn't. 

As promised, Bailey was at Sam's bedside before she woke. He held her hand and stroked her   
fingers. Staring into her face, he saw her eyes flicker and then open. She focused on his face and   
then pulled her hand away. "What are you doing here?" 

Bailey had known it would come but he couldn't help looking hurt. "I'm sorry Sam but I wanted   
to be here for you. Chloe called me and told me." 

"Look Sam, I know that you have worked hard to shut out your past. And if that includes me,   
then so be it. But I still care about you and I want to be here with you. This is not an easy path   
you are going down and I think I can help. I won't let you push me away. I know you too well,   
and I don't believe that that is really what you want. Besides, Chloe didn't just call me because she   
thought you needed me. She is incredibly smart but she isn't that smart yet. She needs me too and   
I will be there for you both." 

Sam was quiet for a moment. Then said. "Okay, you want to be here, then stay. But I don't feel   
like putting up a front Bailey. You stay and see it all. The bad and the really ugly. And I have   
seen it Bailey, this gets really, really ugly. Or you go now, but when this is over..." 

Bailey suddenly realized this wasn't about blocking out the past. She was trying to protect herself   
from what she thought Bailey would do. She had somehow convinced herself that he would stop   
loving her and wanting her because of the cancer. She was also afraid she was going to die. "Sam,   
I'll be here no matter what. And if you think otherwise, then you need to look back and   
remember who we were and still are to each other. I know you are scared but you are not stupid.   
If a twelve year old child can see it, I know you can too. Look deep Sam, I have never left you   
and I am not about to start now. Even when you turned your back on me Sam." Bailey said the   
last words almost as a whisper. The hurt was apparent but the words he had said were strong.   
"You have always known I would be there the minute you called and that is how it will always   
be." 

Sam was quiet. She just looked at him. Searching his face. Finally she closed her eyes and leaned   
her head back. She was still for a long time and Bailey was beginning to wonder if she had fallen   
back to sleep. Suddenly she lifted her head and looked at him. "Okay!" 

It was all she said but for Bailey, it was enough. He felt relief. He reached for Sam's hand again   
and she let him take it. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes again. Bailey wasn't completely sure   
if he had won or if she was just too tired to fight but he took what he could get for now. 

When Sam woke again she saw Chloe sitting curled up next to Bailey. She had her eyes closed and   
he still had a hold of Sam's hand. Sam smiled slightly and whispered "You still here, huh?" 

"Not funny Magee! I told you, you are going to be seeing a lot of me!" Bailey said and smiled. 

Chloe opened her eyes and looked at Sam. "You okay Momma?" 

"Yeah Chlo. I'm doing fine." Sam said and gave her a loving look. 

"Are you mad at me?" Chloe asked. 

"I was, but I think I understand. It's okay Chlo. We will talk about it later." Sam sighed and   
closed her eyes again. The medications were making her very sleepy. 

When she woke again, it was dark outside. The room was quiet but there sat Bailey, still holding   
her hand. He was asleep. He looked so tired. He also looked so good to her. She had really missed   
him. She squeezed his hand a bit and he jumped. Eyes wide he said "You alright?" 

"Uh huh! Just hurting a little." She said. 

His eyes darkened a little and he moved to get up. "I'll get the nurse to give you something." 

"No wait Bailey, I want to talk to you and the drugs make me too sleepy." 

He sat back for a moment. His emotions were churning. 

"Bail, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I'm just so scared!" 

"Sam, I don't care right now about anything but you. I can only imagine that you are scared out   
of your wits. I am too! But, hold on because you are loved. By Chloe, by Angel and by me just to   
name a few. And we are going to help you through this. We need you so you will have to get   
better. We will be here every step of the way. I promise Sam, I won't let you down!" 

Sam smiled and laid her head back, remembering the conversation so long ago when she told him   
of the time her mother had helped her through her poison ivy illness by telling her to hold on, it   
won't last forever. He had been there for her then too. He was always there. What had she been   
thinking? "I know you won't Bailey, I know you won't." Sam knew he wouldn't turn away but she   
knew it was going to be an ugly fight. She hadn't meant too, but she had waited. She found the   
lump two months ago but she just couldn't face up to it. When she finally felt the pain, she knew   
she couldn't ignore it anymore. She had wanted too though. She had watched her mother go   
through it and she didn't want to watch Chloe watch her go through it. She was so mad at herself.   
She had been very selfish and now she was afraid it would cost Chloe her mother and Sam her   
own life. She had been lost in thought for a while but the pain was getting stronger. She opened   
her eyes and said. "Do you think you could get the nurse now." 

Bailey was only gone for a second and then he was back at her bedside. "Sam the nurse said it will   
be a minute. Do you want to try some mental exercises? I'll lead you if you want." 

"It's okay Bailey, it isn't that bad right now. I can wait." 

He touched her cheek and swept some stray hair out of her face. "Okay" 

Sam felt herself respond instantly. She pressed her face against his hand and closed her eyes. It   
felt so natural. She couldn't believe how easily they had slipped into old roles. She had really   
missed him. 

Bailey was getting anxious. He wanted that shot for Sam and he didn't want her to have to wait. 

"Bailey, sit down and cool your heals. She will be here as soon as she can and I am fine. You   
know, this is going to be a long process and you are going to have to work on your waiting skills.   
I am going to have pain. You are going to have to accept that." She said smiling at him. 

Bailey's eyes turned dark and darted away from hers. When he brought them back there was a   
renewed strength in them. "Okay Sam, but if I can do anything to stop it, I won't hesitate." 

"I know." 

"Sam, do you feel like telling me what the doctors are saying?" 

"I really don't know much yet. I know the biopsy showed cancer and that it is one that grows   
rapidly." 

Bailey felt his stomach churn and became very nauseated. Taking deep breaths he tried to control   
his panic. Slowly he got himself under control. 

Sam pretended not to notice, but continued to talk. "I really won't know anymore until tomorrow.   
Why don't you go get some sleep. I'll be fine and you have work tomorrow. You can come by   
later." 

"No Sam, when Chloe called I took an undetermined leave of absence. No work for a while. I'm   
all yours and I don't plan to leave while you are in here." 

Sam's mouth dropped open a bit and her eyes were wide. "You took a leave?" 

"Yes, I did. Nothing is more important to me than you and Chloe. When we get you well, I may   
never go back." 

Sam was dumbfounded. She knew he loved her but she hadn't realized how much. 

Just then the nurse came in. "Sorry you had to wait Sam. I was up to my elbows with another   
patient. Are you okay?" 

"It's okay, Theresa. It's just beginning to get bad." Sam said. 

Bailey stood away from the bed while the nurse gave Sam some medicine through her IV. "Sam, I   
am going to give that medicine some time to work and then I will come back and change the   
dressing and look at the drain, Okay?" 

"Yes, fine, thank you." 

Bailey looked a little strange and then said. "I think I will go get some stuff from the car when she   
comes back. I brought some sweats to change into." 

Sam was quiet for a long time and then finally said. "You might as well stay Bail. I don't know   
where we are going but if you really want to be here for me then there isn't any point in hiding   
anything from you. This isn't how I ever pictured us, but I want you here to hold my hand if you   
are willing. If not, I do understand. Especially about this." 

Bailey nearly jumped to be near her. He reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I am so glad. I   
didn't want to leave. I want to know. I want to be in on all of what you will let me. I love you   
Sam, nothing is going to change that. We have been so discombobulated about that for years but   
make no mistake Sam, I do love you and I will go through fire for you." 

When Theresa came back she looked at Bailey and Sam. She waited a moment and then realized he   
wasn't leaving. Bailey stood on the other side of the bed out of her way and held Sam's hand. He   
was concerned at first he might be a bit embarrassed but she was very clinical about the dressing   
change and the only thing Bailey thought about was that it must be more painful than Sam was   
letting on. When the dressing was changed, Bailey squeezed Sam's hand and looked into her eyes.   
They looked moist but she wasn't crying. He smiled and nodded. "You did good. Barely even   
flinched." He said. 

Sam smiled a bit. "So, its okay?" 

He knew what she was asking. "Yeah, Sam, it's okay." He said as he gave her a loving look. 

Sam closed her eyes and laid her head back. She was relieved but also the medicine had started to   
make her sleepy again. 

When she was asleep again, Bailey walked to the window and looked down on Atlanta. A million   
thoughts ran through his head. He was grateful to be here with Sam but terrified of the future. He   
felt closer to her now, more than ever but felt enormous stress that it was only this morning that   
he had thought she would turn away from him forever. 

When Sam opened her eyes again the sun was just coming up. Bailey had his head down on the   
edge of the bed and was again holding her hand. "Bailey?" She whispered. 

Despite her whisper he jerked upright. "You okay?" 

"Yes, but I need to go to the bathroom." 

"Do you want me to take you or do you want me to get an aid?" 

"You better get an aid to help you because I have a lot of extra extremities right now." 

Bailey smiled. "Be right back." 

Between the aid and Bailey, they got her up to the bathroom and back into bed without too much   
ado. But Sam was exhausted anyway. She fell back to sleep instantly. 

Sam awoke later that morning to familiar voices. Angel had brought Chloe and they were talking   
softly with Bailey. She listened to them for a bit before she opened her eyes. 

"I missed you Uncle Bailey!" Chloe said. 

"I know, I missed you too. Have you been a good girl for your mom?" He asked. 

"I'm glad you came. I think we all needed you. She has been very good. She has been a great help   
to her Bailey.   
" Angel said. 

"Good, because I think your momma is wonderful and we are going to do everything possible to   
help her. I think she is going to be okay Chloe. We have to keep believing that." Bailey took   
Chloe in his arms and hugged her. 

"Hey!" Sam said. "How about one of those hugs for me?" Chloe went to her mother. She stood   
beside her for a minute unsure. "It's okay honey, I won't break. Just not too tight, okay? 

Chloe gently put her arms around Sam. "I love you Momma!" 

"I love you too Chloe. Now, I am feeling pretty good and I am happy to have all of you with me   
this morning. So, lets have a smile on your face, Okay?" 

Chloe smiled her biggest and best smile. "The nurse said you can have some breakfast. Are you   
hungry?" 

"Yes, I think I am." Sam said smiling back at Chloe. 

"Chloe, why don't you stay with Sam and Angel and I will go get her something other than   
hospital food to eat. Is that okay with everyone? Sam what do you want to eat?" 

When Bailey and Angel left, Chloe climbed up on the bed and lay down next to Sam. She was   
quiet. 

Finally Sam said "It's okay Chlo, you're right, we do need him. I've been trying so hard to   
pretend that things in the past haven't really happened that I have forgotten how much he means to   
us. I'm sorry Chloe, I was wrong. I know it has been hard on you. Will you forgive me?" 

"I just want you happy and healthy Momma! Was Bailey right? Are you going to be okay?" The   
fear in her voice nearly broke Sam's heart. 

"I'm going to do everything I can to get well Chlo. I know you are scared. Its okay to feel that   
way, but I love you and I won't lie to you. You will always know the truth. I don't know if I will   
be okay again, but I promise, you will be with me anytime you want and I promise that you will   
be taken care of. I know that is not what you wanted to hear but I think you are old enough to   
know the truth. I want to get well and I want to be with you for a long time and a positive thought   
process will help but reality is important. Do you understand?" Chloe nodded through her tears.   
Sam held her as tightly as she could and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry Chlo, I hate that you have   
to go through this. You have had to deal with so much...." Sam started to cry and then caught   
herself. 

Angel and Bailey returned quickly. Sam ate a little but she was starting to feel pain again. As soon   
as Angel had taken Chloe home Sam asked Bailey to find the nurse and ask for some pain   
medication. While they waited for the nurse, Sam was very quiet. "Are you okay Sam." Bailey   
asked. 

"Ummm." She mumbled. 

"Is that a yes or a no?" Bailey asked. 

"I don't really feel like doing this right now Bailey. Just let me be for a while. Okay?" 

Bailey was a little surprised but said "alright." 

They sat quietly for a while. Finally Bailey stood up and went to the door. Sam watched him leave   
and close the door behind him. She closed her eyes and turned her head. In a few minutes there   
was a knock on the door and Bailey was back with a nurse in tow. She gave Sam her medicine and   
then was gone. Bailey moved the chair back from the bed a bit and sat down. He crossed his arms   
over his chest and closed his eyes. Sam watched him for a minute and then turned her head away.   
They stayed that way each lost in their own thoughts for more than an hour. 

Finally the surgeon, Dr. Gerald, came in. "Hi Sam, how are you doing?" 

"Okay I guess. What do you know?" Sam asked pointedly. 

Dr. Gerald looked over at Bailey and then back at Sam. "It's okay, just tell me." Sam said. 

Bailey moved a little closer to Sam but didn't say anything. 

"Okay," The doctor started. "We think we got all of the tumor. It seemed well defined. But, two   
of the lymph glands were positive for cancer cells. I had hoped that it was contained but I think   
we still look pretty good. We will give you a few more days to recover from the surgery and then   
we will begin the other treatment." 

Sam nodded her head but said nothing. Bailey stood very still. After a bit Sam cleared her throat   
and said. "Okay, thank you Dr. Gerald." 

"I'd like to take a look at your incision before I go." Dr. Gerald said. 

Sam nodded and suddenly looked very far away. Dr. Gerald moved to pull her gown aside. He   
looked at Bailey and when he nodded, he continued. Sam's hand moved and Bailey glanced at it.   
She had put it out for him to hold and Bailey moved forward to take it. When Dr. Gerald finished   
checking her over. He put his hand on her shoulder and said. "Do you need anything before I go?"   
Sam shook her head. "Okay then, I will see you tomorrow." 

After the doctor left, Bailey looked at Sam. She still looked very far away. Then she let go of his   
hand and turned her head away again. Bailey moved back a bit and then whispered. "I'll be back,   
Sam." 

Once out of the room, he moved very fast down the hallway. Pushing open the door to the mens   
room he ran to the first stall and began retching. He felt as if every nerve fiber in his body was on   
fire. When the nausea passed, he sat on the floor for a few minutes. Taking deep breaths he forced   
himself to get under control. Finally, as soon as he was able he stood up, walked to the sink and   
washed his face and hands. He was back at Sam's door in less than ten minutes. He knocked on the   
door and then opened it. Sam still had her head turned away but looked at him when he came in.   
He pulled the chair back up to the bed and sat down. Watching her, he slowly reached for her   
hand. She didn't move it away, so he took it and held it. Then he sat back quietly. 

Time past and he was lost in his thoughts when Sam said, "Bailey, I'm so scared, and I am so   
angry!" 

Bailey's eyes jerked toward her "Okay." He lifted her hand gently to his lips and kissed it. 

"I don't even know where to start." She said. 

"How about with today. What happened with Chloe?" 

Sam's eyes darkened. "I told her the same thing my mother told me. The truth. I can't believe that   
after the last 8 years, my child has to go through this too. I want so much for her to be happy,   
well adjusted, and normal." 

"Sam," Bailey said softly "this isn't something you have any control over." 

"But I did Bailey, I had some control and I gave it away. I traded it for my own selfishness." Sam   
said very quietly and then turned away from him again. 

"What? I don't understand." Bailey said sounding very confused. 

Sam didn't say anything else. She just lay there, head turned away, silent tears flowing. Bailey   
didn't realize she was crying but sat quietly. He had decided not to push. It was very strange for   
him though. He had always seem to know where Sam was coming from but he couldn't read her   
now. He thought it was probably because he was too close now. But it didn't help that Sam   
wouldn't look at him either. 

Several hours later Sam woke when she heard Bailey whisper her name. It was dark again. "Sam,   
honey, Angel is here and I need to go stretch my legs. I'll be back, okay?" 

Bailey left the room and leaned against the wall near the door. He took a long breath and sighed.   
Then pushed away from the wall and walked down the hall. He started toward the cafeteria but   
pulled up short. He saw Grace before she saw him. She was standing in the hallway speaking with   
another doctor. As soon as she saw him she cut the conversation short and walked toward him.   
The look on her face told him she already knew. "How did you know?" He asked her when she   
was close. 

"Angel called me. She thought you might want to talk to someone." 

Bailey shook his head and put his arm around Grace's shoulders. "I was just going to get some   
coffee. Want to join me?" 

Grace smiled and said "I thought you would never ask. How is she Bailey?" 

"I don't know Gracie. She hasn't said much today. I think she is okay physically today but she is   
hurting mentally. I'm not pushing. Not yet at least. The news from the doctor wasn't particularly   
good, but I don't think that that is what is on her mind. Hell Grace, I don't have a clue. I don't   
know how to help her right now but just sit and wait and listen when she will talk." 

"Bailey, you are helping! Just by being here you are one less problem for her to worry about   
right now. When you are close she doesn't have to worry about your acceptance." 

Bailey looked at Grace. His warm eyes dark with his own pain. "I hope you are right Gracie." 

"I am Bailey!" 

***** 

Angel took the seat that Bailey had just vacated. "Hi." She said. 

"How's Chloe?" Sam asked. 

"Okay, she is quiet tonight though. She misses you. What did the doctor say?" 

Sam blinked and looked away from Angel before bringing them back to look into her eyes. "What   
we already knew. It has spread but we have a chance to kill it." 

Angel nodded. Then stood up and put her arms around Sam. "They will get it Sam. They have   
too." 

Sam nodded and Angel sat back down. Finally Sam said. "Mom feels very close tonight, Angel." 

Angel nodded. 

"She loved you Sam!" 

"I know Angel. But I haven't ever really forgiven her for leaving me. I don't want Chloe to feel   
that way about me." 

"Okay, so do everything you can not to let that happen, but Sam, don't be so hard on yourself or   
you will miss whatever time you do have with Chloe." 

Sam nodded quietly and then said "I'm glad you are here Angel." 

"Sam, I have a confession to make. I hope you will not be angry but I told someone else about   
you." Angel said. 

Sam's eyes narrowed a bit. "Who and Why?" 

" I called Grace. I thought Bailey could use someone to open up to. He's in pain too Sam." Sam   
closed her eyes. Angel kept talking. "Besides, I don't think it would hurt to have her look at your   
records and help us if we have questions. But that part is up to you. Anyway, she promised not to   
tell anyone and she won't even come to see you unless you ask." 

Sam sighed tiredly and shrugged a bit. Instantly her face changed to a grimace. The pain from her   
incision shot through her like a bolt of lightening. A wave of nausea passed over her and then left.   
She was still. Angel jumped up and looked at her. "Are you okay?" 

Sam answered through gritted teeth. "Yes, just remind me not to shrug for a while." 

Angel smiled softly and patted Sam's hand. "When was the last time you had pain medication?   
Maybe you need a little." 

"Yeah, not a bad idea. Will you find the nurse?" 

When the nurse came Sam recognized her from last night. "Hi Theresa, back with me tonight?"   
Sam said. 

"Yep! How are you feeling Sam?" 

"Some pain right now but better overall." 

"That's good Sam. Okay, I need to look at your incision and check your drain again." The nurse   
said smiling. 

"Could you wait until Bailey comes back? He just went to stretch his legs for a bit. I'd like him   
here. Please?" 

"Of course Sam, have him come find me when he gets back." 

A little while later Bailey knocked on the door and came in. Sam smiled at him and put her hand   
out. "I'm glad you are back." 

He came near her and took her hand. He leaned down and touched his lips to her forehead. "If I   
didn't know better Sam, I would think you missed me." 

"I did." Sam said softly. 

Bailey's eyes were warm and loving. "I'm glad. I missed you too." 

"You are due for some pain medicine, do you need it?" He asked. 

"She just came and gave it to me. She was waiting for you to check my drain and all." 

Bailey looked surprised. "Why does she need me to do that?" 

Sam giggled a bit. "She doesn't Silly. I do!" 

He blushed a bit. "Oh" 

When the nurse was done, Bailey settled back into the chair but kept hold of Sam's hand. They   
stayed quiet for a while, then Sam cleared her throat, opened her mouth and closed it again.   
Finally she said, "Bailey, do you think we have a future together?" 

Bailey's eyes opened wide and he looked at her. "I have always hoped that someday, somehow we   
would. I love you Sam. It would make me very happy to think that you would want that." 

Sam nodded, absorbing his words. "Will you do me a favor Bail, will you just hold me for a   
while?" 

He raised his eyebrow in that way she loved. "Of course I will." 

Bailey stood up and looked down at her shrugging. Sam smiled a little. "Just crawl in here with   
me. I'm too tired and sore to get up." He took off his shoes and pulled himself into the bed next to   
Sam. Gently he put his arms around her, careful not to get tangled in all of her IV and drain lines.   
They moved a little together to get close and comfortable. Sam rested her head on his shoulder.   
"Thank you Bailey, I needed this." Sam's words became mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.   
Bailey kissed her head and closed his eyes. 

Later Bailey was startled when Sam jumped a bit and cried out. He tightened his arms around her   
and put his lips close to her ear. "SHHHH Sam. It's okay. I'm here and everything is okay." She   
coughed and shivered some but never really woke up. 

Sometime during the night the aid came in and took Sam's vital signs. Blood pressure,   
temperature and pulse. She seemed a bit startled to find Bailey in bed with her but just smiled at   
him. When she finished she hurried off. A few minutes later the nurse came in. She started to   
wake Sam. "Do you really need to wake her up? She is finally really sleeping hard." Bailey asked. 

"I'm sorry, but I am a bit concerned. She is running a 102 degree temperature. I want to give her   
something for the fever and I need to look at her incision again." 

Bailey looked startled and jumped up to look at Sam. Even with his sudden movements Sam didn't   
awaken. Suddenly he realized how pale and fragile she looked. He leaned down and touched her   
face and said "Sam, honey, you need to wake up here for a minute. You need to take some   
medicine for the nurse." 

She was very hard to arouse but after a minute or so they were able to coax her into opening her   
eyes. "Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Bailey asked. Sam sort of mumbled something. 

The nurse held out a small cup with some pills in it and a glass of water. Sam took the pills and   
put them in her mouth but then couldn't seem to take the glass by herself. Bailey took the glass   
and placed it gently to her lips. Sam swallowed and then fell right back to sleep. He looked at the   
nurse, questioningly. She said. "It's the fever. She should be okay when the medicine kicks in." 

"Okay, but what is the fever from and why did it come up so fast?" Bailey asked. 

"I'm not sure at this point. I need to check her incision again and then there are a couple of other   
test that the doctor might run. I'll call him when I leave here." The nurse said. 

She looked at Sam's wound. Bailey held Sam's hand. Sam didn't know what was happening but he   
knew she would want him too. The wound looked reddened but not particularly infected. "Okay,   
I'll go call the doctor and Ill come back and tell you what he said." Bailey nodded, and when the   
nurse left, picked up the phone and called Angel. 

An hour later, Sam woke up very confused. It was still dark out but Angel, Chloe and Bailey were   
all near her. There was some other movement in the room and several people all seemed to be   
talking at once. Sam focused on Bailey and said "Whats going on?" Everyone stopped talking and   
looked at Sam. 

Bailey came near her and put his hand on her cheek. "It's okay Sam, you have a little fever and   
they want to take you down for a chest X-ray. Don't worry I'm coming with you and you will be   
back in bed before you know it." 

When Sam was sitting in the wheel chair, Chloe came over and put her arms around Sam's neck.   
"I love you!" 

"I love you too Chlo!" Sam said. 

Angel and Chloe waited in the room while Sam and Bailey went off to X-ray. Angel sat down on   
the little sofa in the corner of the room and Chloe came to curl up next to her. Angel put her arm   
around her shoulder and said. "It will be okay Chloe. She's very strong." 

"I know." Chloe said softly. 

Sam and Bailey were back very quickly. Sam looked very weak and pale. By the time she was   
back in bed she couldn't keep her eyes open. Chloe got up and crawled into bed next to Sam. Then   
as Sam fell back into a deep sleep, Chloe put her hand up and stroked Sam's shoulder. Angel and   
Bailey watched the scene quietly. Bailey couldn't help being astounded at how young Chloe seemed one minute and how grown up she was the next, and how very much she   
was like her mother. 

In the morning, Dr. Gerald stopped by very early. He spoke quietly to Angel and Bailey. "Sam   
has pneumonia. It isn't uncommon following surgery, but I am surprised that it came on so   
suddenly. I am going to start her on some IV antibiotics as well as continue to treat the fever. She   
should be fine in a couple of days. 

End of part two.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Rollercoasters Make Me Sick

Rollercoasters Make Me Sick Disclaimer Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia   
Saunders and Stephen Kronish. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: SBR

Rated: PG 13

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. This is the second part to Chloe's call.

Thanks To Enni, you know why :-)

"Rollercoasters make me sick"   
Chapter Three   
By Tarrant   


When Sam woke again later that morning, she again found Bailey holding her hand. She smiled   
and squeezed his a little. "Bail?"

"Oh Sam, I am so glad you are awake. How are you feeling? You sacred me a little last night."   
He said.

"Well, to be honest I have felt better. Where are Chloe and Angel?" Sam asked.

"The staff asked Angel to take Chloe home. They are concerned about germs around you right   
now. They wanted us all to stay away for a couple of days but I told them I wasn't leaving."

Sam glared at Bailey "They what? Did Chloe want to leave?"

Bailey didn't look particularly happy. "I would have to say honestly no, but she said she would if   
that was the best thing for you. I told her to stay if she wanted but, I think she didn't want to   
cause a scene. In any case she practically dragged Angel out of here. Sam, I didn't know what to   
do, I know that Chloe wants to be with you but the staff said it would be best if she wasn't."

Sam was so angry she started to cry. "Bailey, please get the nurse now."

Bailey stood up and then stopped and looked at Sam. "I'm sorry Sam, I just didn't know what to   
do. Once she heard the nurse, she was adamant about leaving. I didn't want to leave with her   
because then nobody would have been here."

"Okay Bailey, just get the nurse." Sam said

By the time Bailey returned with the nurse, Sam had gotten her anger under control. "What did   
you need Ms. Waters?" The nurse asked.

"I understand my daughter was asked not to be with me for a couple of days. Please understand I   
am sure that it was said with my best interest at heart, but, I will get out of this bed and walk out   
of here if she is ever encouraged not to be with me again. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry."

After the nurse left, Sam looked at Bailey. Her eyes softened, she picked up his hand and said   
"Okay Bailey, first, I'm not angry with you but, you want to be here and you want to help so, let   
me tell you the most important thing you must do for me. Chloe comes first everytime! Her   
feelings, her needs, everytime! Bailey, I need to know that just because I can't always do it right   
now that she is being loved, respected, protected and thought of as I would if I could. I promised   
her some things I intend to be carried out. First that she could be with me anytime she wanted,   
and second that she would always be told the truth. Please Bailey, promise me that she will be   
your first concern from this moment on."

Bailey looked absolutely miserable. He knew he had let her down. "I'm sorry Sam, I promise.   
Chloe comes first! I'll call Angel and tell her to bring Chloe back. On second thought, I'll call   
Chloe and talk to her about it first."

Sam laid her head back, closed her eyes and sighed. "Thank you Bailey."

Sam was nearly unconscious for the rest of the day. She woke up to take some medicine several   
times but would immediately fall right back to sleep. She seemed oblivious to everything around   
her. Nurses and aids would come and go, taking vital signs, cleaning the room, talking with   
Bailey and still she slept. Bailey had spoken to Chloe and finally was able to persuade her to come   
back. She and Angel arrived shortly before eight o'clock. As soon as Chloe spoke to Bailey,   
Sam's eyes flew open. "Hi, Baby Girl!"

Chloe turned and went to Sam. She climbed up on the bed and sat beside her. Gently, she leaned   
over and put her arms around Sam. "Hi Momma, how are you feeling? I hear you gave the   
nurses a hard time this morning." She said smiling.

"I'm much better now that you are here. I'm sorry they made you feel like you needed to leave.   
It won't happen again." Sam said.

"Momma, I just want to do want is best for you."

"I know Chlo, but what is best for me is to have you here as much as possible. You are my   
Sunshine. I need you!" Sam gently ran her hand through Chloe's hair a couple of times and then   
closed her eyes again. When she opened them again, Chloe was asleep on the sofa in the corner.   
Bailey and Angel were gone. Sam's days were starting to run together. Between the fever and   
the pain medicine Sam was feeling very fuzzy much of the time. She was beginning to become   
irritated. This wasn't how she wanted to spend her time. She couldn't wait to get out of the   
hospital and get home to sleep in her own bed. The only bonus she could see about being in the hospital was that she had Bailey with her almost all the time.

On the fourth night past the surgery Sam was beginning to feel much better. Her fever was gone,   
the pneumonia was on the run and the pain from the incision was much improved. Angel had just   
taken Chloe home for bed and Bailey had just comeback from taking a shower and cleaning up.   
He settled into the chair next to the bed and smiled at Sam who had been watching him. After a   
few minutes Sam said "Bailey, I, um...." and then she fell silent again.

Bailey waited. Finally he said "What is it Sam? Just say it."

Sam struggled some more and then said "I don't know Bail, I just, well, do you know where we   
are going? I mean, oh hell, I'm so confused. I don't know what I mean."

Bailey smiled a little. He looked down and then back at Sam. "I don't know Sam, I know these   
sounds nuts, but I am kind of enjoying the ride. I mean, I hate that you are sick, that part is   
breaking my heart. But, just being with you again, your needing me again, being friends again,   
that part is soooo nice. Look Sam, the only thing I know for sure is that I love you and that I   
want to be with you and that I want you well so that we can get on with finding everything else   
out."

Sam nodded her head. "I had forgotten how much we think alike. I know I haven't been very   
good at conveying this to you Bailey but I do love you. I need you and I want you with me if you   
are willing. I'm sorry by the time I realized all this, I won't be whole but you can have what is   
left."

Bailey sat and looked at Sam, his eyes wide. Finally he shook his head and stood up and came   
over to the bed. He looked down at Sam for a minute and then got down on his knees beside the   
bed. "You really don't understand, do you Sam?" Bailey had tears in his eyes. He caressed her   
cheek with the back of his fingers. "I don't care! I love you! Every thought is of you, about   
you, and for you. I don't care as long as I have you with me. In my eyes you are Sam, not parts   
of Sam. You are the person I have fallen in love with. You are the one that means more to me   
than any other person on earth. I want to fold you in my arms and protect you and I feel so   
helpless right now." Bailey paused. Sam was staring at him with her mouth open. "And Sam, I   
think you are the sexiest woman I have ever seen. Even with that stupid hospital gown on."

Sam lay staring at him for a long time then the tears started falling. Bailey wiped them away as   
they fell. Eventually she found her voice. In a horse whisper she said. I really didn't know. I   
love you too! But I honestly don't think I realized how much until right this minute. You are a   
wonderful man Bailey Malone and I feel very lucky."

Bailey stood up and lay down next to her and put his arms around Sam. Gently he kissed her   
forehead. "Go to sleep Sam. I'll be here when you wake up."

"I don't feel like sleeping Bailey. I feel like celebrating! I feel like...well, maybe I don't feel   
quite that good but... Oh Bailey, I'm so happy! Scared but happy."

"I know, boy do I know." Bailey said.

They lay together for a long time. Each one enjoying the feel of the other so close. "Will you   
make love to me Bailey? I don't mean tonight, but soon."

Bailey turned and looked into Sam's face. "You're joking right, You don't really believe you   
needed to ask that question? I want you so badly I can bearly stand it. Don't tease me Sam. I am   
already at the edge of my control."

Sam laughed. "I'm sorry Bail. I just wanted to make sure."

On the sixth day, Dr. Gerald was in early to see Sam. "You look pretty good Sam. The   
pneumonia seems to be gone, the drain has been removed and you are not taking much pain   
medicine. How would you like to go home?"

Sam smiled broadly. "Very much, when can I leave?"

Dr. Gerald laughed. "Good, They should be ready to let you go in about a half hour. I have   
already written your discharge orders and prescriptions. I will see you in my office on   
Wednesday to check on you and talk about the next phase of treatment. Okay?"

Sam nodded. When Dr. Gerald was gone she looked at Bailey. He was standing near the door.   
She studied him for a minute and finally said. "So, you going to help me break out of this joint,   
or are you going to stand there and put your head in the sand?" Bailey looked up surprised. Sam   
softened "Bailey, I need some help, do you want to do it or do you want to get someone?"

Bailey shook his head. "I'm sorry Sam, I'm... lets just get you home." He walked over to the   
closet and took out Sam's stuff then turned to her. "Sweats okay? "Sam nodded and Bailey pulled   
out a pair of sweats from her bag. Then he took out panties and a bra. He looked at Sam   
questioningly. She shook her head and he put the bra back. Then he grabbed her socks and shoes   
and a hairbrush.

Coming to the bed he laid the clothes down and reached to help Sam sit up on the side of the bed.   
Once she was up he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Then slowly he moved to pull the tie at   
the back of her neck. The gown slid down and Bailey glanced away. Then he picked up the top   
and gently helped her put it over her arms and head. Kneeling down he slipped her panties and   
pants on her. Then he rose and helped her stand, Pulling up everything. Sam smiled. She loved   
how thoughtful he was of her. He was trying so hard to keep her from feeling naked. He sat her   
on the side of the bed again and kneeled back down. Putting on her sneakers was a little   
challenging and they laughed. Finally he took the brush and sat next to her and brushed her hair.   
Putting away all her stuff in the bag he finally turned and looked at her. Sam had been watching   
him. "Thank you Bailey." He just nodded.

Driving home Bailey was quiet. Sam finally had to ask. "Was it that bad?"

"What?"

"I said, was it that bad? You are very quiet Bailey, I'm just trying to figure out why."

Bailey stopped the car in the middle of the street and looked at Sam like she was from a foreign   
planet. "Sam, I thought you understood. I don't care about that. I am quiet..." Just then a horn   
blew behind them. Bailey started and then moved the car to the side of the road. He looked back   
at her and said. "Sam I am quiet because I have a lot on my mind. Taking you home means that   
you are getting better and I am happy about that, but taking you home means that I won't be with   
you. Also the doctor mentioned more treatment which makes me cringe to think you have to go   
through more." He stopped talking and took Sam's face in his hands. "Honey, I'm quiet because I   
love you."

"Bailey, will you stay at the house? I really don't want you to leave."

"What about Chloe, Sam?"

"You can stay in the guest room. She knows that we love each other. Even you said that   
yourself. She is old enough to realize that we are very close Bailey and I did promise not to lie to   
her. Hiding is lying. I don't want to do that. I don't think it is bad for her to see us loving each   
other and besides, I really am being selfish about this, but don't want you to go. "Bailey started   
driving again. "Let me think about it for a bit Sam. I want to be with you, but you did ask me to   
think about Chloe first. Maybe we should talk to her about it."

"Okay Bailey. But I bet I know what she will say."

Arriving at the house, Bailey helped Sam get out of the car and held her close while she walked to   
the door. Nearing it, it flew open and Chloe rushed to Sam. "I'm so glad you are home."

"Me too Chlo." Sam said with a smile.

"Sam, do you want to go take a nap? I'll help you upstairs." Bailey asked.

"No, I want to just be in my house for a bit first before I go lay down. As a matter of fact what I   
would really like to do is sit down and talk to Chloe while you go get my prescriptions filled. Is   
that okay with you Chlo?"

Chloe looked a little strange but said "yes."

Sam looked at Bailey and smiled. "Okay Bailey?"

He smiled he knew she had won. "Okay Sam, I'll be back soon. I have to stop at my house first   
though."

Sam winked at him. "Take your time, but hurry back."

By the time he got back Sam was in the kitchen waiting for him. "Well, what did she say?" He   
asked.

"She wants to go have a key made for you. Does that tell you anything?" Sam said laughing.   
"She also said that you didn't have to stay in the guest room if we didn't want too. Boy, she scares   
me sometimes Bailey."

Bailey laughed but then became serious. "Sam, I am not going to stay in your room while Chloe   
is here." Then he gave her a little grin. "But if the time is right, I may visit. Are you about   
ready to take a nap? You must be tired. I brought you some pain medicine too if you need it.."

"Yeah, I'm ready. I think I waited too long though. I don't feel like climbing the stairs. I'll just   
lie down on the sofa."

"No way! You're finally home you should be in your own bed. I'll carry you."

Sam started to protest but Bailey stood up and swept her into his arms. In no time he had her up   
the stairs. At the top he stopped and looked at her. "What?" She asked.

Bailey smiled. "Which way?"

"Oh" Sam giggled. "To the left. And your's is across the hall."

"Good then I will be close enough to hear you if you need me."

Bailey laid Sam on the bed and took off her shoes. "These come off a lot easier than they go on."   
He said laughing. Tucking her under the covers he kissed her forehead and brushed aside some   
stray hair from her face. "Sleep well. I'll be here when you wake up and I'll have dinner ready   
too."

"Thank you, I love you Bailey!"

"SHHHHH go to sleep Sam."

Bailey went down stairs to start dinner. He rummage through the kitchen and found enough to   
make some chicken pasta and a salad.

Chloe came in to talk to him. "I'm glad you came Uncle Bailey. She is much happier now."

"Thank you Chloe. She is very special to me. So are you. As a matter of fact, you are very   
important to me Chloe. I know Sam is doing better. How are you feeling?"

"What?"

"How are you feeling Chloe? Are you scared, hurt, tired, confused, happy, any or all of the   
above?" Chloe sat there and looked at him for a while. "What's the matter don't you want to talk   
to me about it Chloe? You don't have too, but I want to hear it if you do. I won't push you   
Chloe, but I want you to know I am here for you too."

"Okay Uncle Bailey."

"Do you want to help me set the table for dinner? I don't know where everything is."

Chloe and Bailey worked on dinner. They talked about Sam some and about school. Finally,   
Chloe looked at Bailey and said "Worried mostly!"

Bailey stopped what he was doing and looked at Chloe. Raising one eyebrow he asked "What is   
number one on the list?"

"You might as well ask me about all of them. They are all right up there together."

Well, Chloe, do you want to share them? Maybe some of them are not as bad as the others if we   
can find some answers. Would it be easier for you if I shared some of mine?"

"Like what?"

"Oh I don't know, like I'm scared this will be too much for her. That she can't overcome it."

"Yeah"

"I'm scared to touch her, hug her because I don't want to hurt her."

"Yeah!"

"Now your turn, what are you scared of most?"

Chloe was quiet for a minute then said. "That she is hurting and she won't tell us. And that she is   
blaming herself. And that she will let you go again."

Bailey sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. He pulled Chloe near him and stroked her hair.   
"Okay, so some of these concerns don't have answers now but some do. I think that we should go   
to the source and ask. How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know Uncle Bailey, Mom has so much to think about already, she doesn't need to be   
worrying about me." Chloe said.

"I'll let you in on a little secret Chloe. Your mother is always worried about you. You are her   
first thought every morning and her last every night. It might actually help her to know what you   
are thinking. She loves you very much and I know she would want to know what you are worried   
about. Chloe secrets about how you feel are not the best way to handle things. It only leads to   
more worries. Tell her, ask her, trust me, she wants to know."

"Wants to know what?" Sam asked coming into the room.

Chloe and Bailey both jumped and then looked like a couple of kids caught with their hands in the   
cookie jar.

Sam looked at Chloe and then at Bailey. "It's up to Chloe, Sam."

Chloe put her head down and said, "I'm going to get washed up for dinner." and walked to the   
bathroom.

Sam looked at Bailey questioningly. He just indicated with his head that she should follow. Sam   
turned and left the room.

Sam was waiting on the sofa when Chloe came out of the bathroom. "I don't feel like talking   
about it now Momma." Chloe said glancing at Sam.

"Okay, Chlo. How do you feel if I just hold you? I've missed that, you know."

Chloe looked a little strange for a minute and then smiled and nodded. She came close to Sam but   
then just stood there. Sam reached out and pulled Chloe toward her. "I can't hold you Chloe if   
you won't come here. I told you. I won't break. Look, you won't hurt me. Just sit here in my   
lap." Chloe finally gently sat in Sam's lap. Sam put her arms around Chloe and pulled her in   
close. Chloe laid her head on Sam's shoulder. "See Chlo, no pain. It feels good." Chloe nodded   
slightly. Sam held her for a long time, tenderly brushing her face and hair with her fingers. "I   
love you Chloe Waters!"

"Momma, I'm worried about you."

"I know you are Chloe. But right now I am doing pretty well. I am happy to be home with my   
baby girl in my arms. I'm not hurting, I have a sweet, wonderful man to watch over me and my   
best friend is right down the street if I need her. What more could I ask for?"

"To be well?"

"Yes, well, Chloe, I do want to be well. But we are working toward that. You know, it is okay   
for you to be angry about this. I am."

"Are you really Momma, or do you feel guilty?"

"Both Chloe. I'm very angry. I feel like I just got a chance to get our life back on track and this   
happens. I'm angry because I think you have been through enough and don't need this, and I am   
angry because I don't even want to think for a minute about leaving you. I feel guilty that I didn't   
do something about it sooner and that I can't be here for you one hundred percent like I   
promised. But Chloe, anger and guilt are normal and I am dealing with them. I have you and   
Bailey and Angel to talk to and I think my feelings will help me survive. I want very much to   
survive Chloe, I have a lot to live for. I won't tell you not to worry about me, you will anyway   
but then you won't tell me about it. Bailey is right, I want to know."

"Okay Momma, I just can't help it."

"I know Chloe. I've been there. Speaking of Bailey, I bet dinner is ready and he is hungry. I   
know I am."

Bailey had dinner ready. He had put fresh flowers on the table and had a bottle of wine ready to   
open. "Can you have some, or did you take some medicine?" He asked.

"It's okay, I haven't had any medicine today. I'd like a little." Sam said.

"Oh good, I was hoping. I like this one, I think you will too." Bailey said.

After dinner Chloe went to visit her friend, Andrea, next door. Sam sat at the table sipping her   
wine while Bailey cleaned up the kitchen. When he was done he and Sam went into the den to   
watch a video. "Are you sure you are not too tired Sam, you have had a big day."

"Bailey, I'm fine. I am a big girl and I will let you know when I am tired."

"I'm sorry Sam, I just wanted to check."

Sam sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood to be babied right now. Actually I think I   
want to go take a shower and then read for a while."

"Okay, call if you need anything." Bailey said. He couldn't help be a little surprised but he knew   
she probably need some time to herself. It had been more than a week since she had been left   
alone.

Sam climbed the stairs and went to her room. She shut the door and sat on the edge of the bed.   
Tears began to fall. All the frustration, all the anger, all the guilt came in a flood. Slowly she   
stripped down and went to the bathroom. She turned on the water and then turned to look in the   
mirror. Pulling gently she removed the bandage and through her tears looked at the scar for the   
first time. She stared in disbelief that this was her body. She had always liked the way she   
looked. But now.... The tears fell harder until her vision was completely blurred. Sobbing now   
she turned away and stepped into the shower. She sat on the floor and let the water run over her   
until she was able to stop crying. When the water began to run cold she turned it off and stepped   
out. Avoiding the mirror she dried off and put on her favorite robe. She cracked the door a bit   
and then crawled into bed to read. After a while she saw a shadow move out in the hall.   
"Bailey?" she called.

The shadow came closer to the door and then it opened. "Chloe is home and I was just going to   
bed. Do you need anything first?" He said. Sam shook her head. He took a step toward her.   
"Did you...? Bailey stopped midsentance and looked away. "Goodnight Sam. Sleep well Honey.   
I'll be close if you need anything." Then he turned and left.

End of part 3   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Purple With Green Spots

Purple With Green Spots Disclaimer Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia Saunders and Stephen   
Kronish. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: SBR

Rated: PG 13

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. This is the   
third part to Chloe's call.

Thanks To Enni, you still know why :-) Also to my mother. A very brave and wonderful   
woman.

'Purple With Green Spots'   
Chapter Four   
By Tarrant   


In the morning Sam was awakened by a knock at her bedroom door. She glanced at the clock   
beside the bed. Ten o'clock. She was surprised it was so late. "Come in."

Bailey pushed open the door and came to the side of the bed. He was carrying breakfast on a   
tray. "Thought you might be hungry. Dinner was a long time ago." He said smiling down at   
her.

"Oh thank you. I'll eat if you keep me company." Sam said.

He laughed and said "Bribery, huh. Okay!" and he sat down in a chair near the bed.

Sam ate quietly for a few minutes and then said. "Thank you Bailey."

He looked up. "For what?"

"For talking to Chloe."

"You're welcome but it wasn't hard. She is very sweet and so smart. I actually think that we are   
only just beginning to talk. At least I hope so."

Sam smiled softly at him. "And... for giving me some space last night."

He nodded. "You know Sam," He said looking deep into her eyes " I am here to help you not   
smother you."

"Bailey, I don't feel smothered. That is my point. I love how you make me feel when you watch   
over me but you know when to back off. Sometimes I feel like you know me better than I know   
myself."

Bailey nodded again. He didn't tell her that she had broken his heart last night. He had had to   
leave the house. He had heard her crying and it had taken every ounce of his strength not to have   
come to her. When his strength had waned he had gone out to the back patio and smoked a cigar   
but eventually he had gone to stand near her door. That was when she had called to him. He had   
started to try to talk to her about it but had decided that she would tell him if she wanted too.

"Bailey are you with me?"

He looked up. "What? Oh, I'm sorry Sam. What did you say?"

Sam looked at him for a minute and then got out of bed. She came over and knelt down in front   
of him. Looking up into his face she said "Bailey, are you okay? I mean, you have been here for   
me, but are you taking care of yourself?"

"I'm okay Sam. Honey, when you're okay, I'm okay."

Sam laid her head down in his lap. Bailey stroked her hair gently. "I know, but you are giving   
out an awful lot. Don't let yourself get too thin Bail."

"I draw my strength from you Sam, that is why we are so good together. We support each other.   
Together we are stronger than we could ever be apart. I am not weaker today. I am stronger   
today and so are you. I can feel it."

"Bailey, you are a very remarkable man."

"This is what we are about Sam. Supporting and loving each other. I promise, I'm okay. Now   
quit worrying about me. You have enough on your plate."

"I love you Bailey"

"I love you too Sam. More than you will ever know."

Bailey reached to help Sam stand up. About half way up Sam suddenly looked at him and her   
eyes got wet and she looked a little pale. She grabbed her chest. "What is it Sam?"

Relaxing a bit she said. "It's okay Bailey, I just got one of my staples caught on my robe. Just   
pulled a little that's all."

"Oh, you sure?"

"It's okay."

"Sam, why did it catch? You are supposed to have a bandage on it."

"Bailey, I don't really..."

"Do you need help? You know I don't mind."

"I know but.... look Bail, I wanted you to see what you were getting into but I am not ready for   
you to touch just yet." Sam dropped her eyes.

Bailey put his hand under her chin and lifted until their eyes met. "Its okay Sam. I'll wait until   
you are ready but you need to take care of yourself. Now, do you want me to get Chloe to help   
you?"

"I'm not sure I am ready for that either."

"Sam, have you looked yourself?"

"I did, last night."

"And?"

"And it feels like I am looking at someone elses body."

"Sam, give yourself some time to accept it, but you can believe me when I tell you that you still   
have a beautiful body. You are very sexy."

Sam smiled and put her hand on his cheek. "Thank you. I'm trying."

"Good, but part of accepting is letting others accept. Let Chloe help you Sam. She needs to see   
and you need to let her. Besides she needs to feel like she can do something to help you. She is   
feeling very helpless Sam."

"Bailey, I can't stand looking at it myself. How am I going to help her accept it?"

Bailey stood up and put his arms around her. "Your not, that is the point. She will help you Sam.   
Love is very powerful. Chloe loves you. She will accept it very easily. I did, and you will   
eventually if you let yourself. Think about how you would accept it if it were Chloe with a scar.   
It would be a non issue with you. She will feel the same way. And I have already told you I   
don't care. Doesn't change the way I feel one bit."

Sam stayed in her room alone most of the day. Bailey puttered around the house and at four   
o'clock finally decided to go to the grocery. While he was gone, Sam wandered down to Chloe's   
room. She tapped on the door and then opened it. Chloe was working on the computer. "Hi"

"Hi Momma" Chloe said turning around to face Sam. "You okay?"

"I'm fine Sunshine. I just have a little favor to ask."

"Sure, what?"

"Um, well, I was wondering if you would help me put my bandage back on. I've caught my   
staples like three times today and it is really starting to get on my nerves."

Chloe smiled a little "Of course I'll help.

Sam sat on the side of her bed in her room while Chloe got the bandage materials from the   
bathroom. When Chloe had everything ready Sam pulled aside her robe. Chloe looked down at   
Sam's incision. After a moment she reached up and gently put her finger on it. Sam took in a   
deep breath and a tear escaped and ran down her cheek. Chloe quickly drew her hand back. "I'm   
sorry Momma, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't Chlo."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Could we just do this, please."

Chloe nodded her head and started to put some ointment over the area. Sam looked away for a   
minute and then back at Chloe. "I'm sorry Chlo, I'm just embarrassed."

Chloe stopped and looked Sam in the eyes. "I love you Momma, I just want to take care of you.   
I wouldn't care if you were purple with green spots, you don't have to hide anything from me."   
When Chloe finished she sat down next to Sam on the bed. Putting her arms around her and   
kissing her on the cheek she said. "Thank you for letting me help you."

Sam nodded. "Thank you Chlo."

The next afternoon Angel stopped by. Sam was still in her room. "Bailey called you, right?"   
Sam said.

"No, should he have?" Angel asked.

"No, I just wanted some space. I haven't really spoken with him today. I just figured he was   
worried." Sam said.

"Actually Sam, I came by to see if you were ready to go shopping."

"Shopping for what? I don't want to go out." Sam said.

"Too bad, your going. I already made an appointment."

"What are you talking about, Angel? Appointment for what?"

Angel came over and put her hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam, I made an appointment for us to go   
and get you some new bras and a prosthesis."

Sam looked stunned and shook her head.

Angel sat down next to Sam on the edge of the bed. "Sam, you need to do this. You are going to   
have to leave this house eventually and I want you to feel okay about it. You should be able wear   
something nice if you want instead of sweats."

"Angel, I appreciate the thought. Really I do, but I don't feel up to going out today."

Angel looked irritated. "Thats too bad because your going if I have to drag you out of here."

Now Sam was angry. "Angel, I don't have any intention of leaving this room, much less the   
house today. I'm sorry if you made an appointment but I am not going. I don't want to do this   
today. Now if you want to stay and talk about something else, fine. Otherwise I would like to get   
back to my book."

Angel glared at Sam for a moment and then softened. "Okay Sam. If you're not ready, we'll   
wait."

"Thank you!" Sam said sarcastically.

"Sam, I'm concerned about you."

"I know you are." Sam said softly.

"You're not even going to try to convince me you're okay, are you?

"No, because I'm not. But I will be. I just need some time, Angel. I'm feeling like everyone   
wants me to be okay with this right now. I'm trying but I just don't feel that way."

Angel looked into Sam's face "I'm sorry I pushed Sam. Go at your own speed. I don't think we   
are trying to push you into being okay so much as letting you know we are here, we are okay with   
everything and we love you. Just trying to be supportive, you know. I'll back off. Just let me   
know what I can do and when."

"Angel, I know you are feeling helpless. Everyone is. Hell, I feel helpless myself. Completely   
out of control. I hate this, I hate feeling out of control. I hate looking at myself. I hate having to   
ask my daughter for help. I hate all of this and the damn doctorsare not done yet. I feel like   
they are going to take away a little part of me at a time and when they're done, Sam won't exist   
anymore.

Angel put her arms around Sam and pulled her into a tight hug. "That is why we are here. To   
keep you from getting lost along the way. Sam, some hair, a breast,that isn't what makes you   
Sam, and they are really a small price to pay for your life. When the doctors are done, you will   
still be our Sam and we will have many more years to love you. Chloe, Bailey and I need you and   
we are not going to let you get lost. I promise. I know you feel out of control. So, take back a   
little where you can. You took some control today with me. Did it help?"

Sam smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess it did a little."

"Good, now you have been in this room all day and I think the rest of your family would like to   
see you. Do you feel up to joining us for an early dinner?"

"Yes, I think I do. And Angel," Sam paused briefly. "would you remake the appointment for   
Tuesday morning?"

After dinner, Chloe went to spend the night at Andrea's. Angel, Bailey and Sam sat around the   
den sipping wine and just talking. Bailey was aware that Sam was watching him but he pretended   
not to notice. He was very attentive to her though. At one point even offering to rub her feet.   
She smiled gently but declined.Angel left about nine o'clock and while Bailey cleaned up the   
kitchen, Sam went to her room.

It was after eleven o'clock when Bailey was awakened by a tapping on the door. "Come in."

"Bailey?" Sam said softly.

Bailey jumped out of bed and came close to Sam. "What is it Sam. Whats wrong?"

Sam giggled a bit. "Nothing is wrong Bailey. I just..." Sam paused. She reached down and took   
his hand. "I just need you. If you still want me."

Bailey's eyes opened wide. Then looking deeply into her eyes, he asked. "Sam, are you sure   
you're ready?"

"No, not completely, but I think I am and if your willing to go along to find out I'd like to try."

Bailey smiled in the darkness and leaned in to kiss Sam's cheek. "Ready when you are   
Sweetheart. But Sam if you want to stop at any point just say so and we'll stop. Okay?"

Sam nodded but she was already getting lost in him. Without a word she gently led him to her   
bedroom. She closed and locked the door. She turned and they shared their first tender kiss. It   
ignited a spark in Sam and her kisses became more passionate. Bailey concentrated on her face   
and then moved to her neck. His hands roamed over her back and then slowly he moved them to   
the front of her robe. Slowly he moved it aside. His fingers brushing the warm skin beneath.   
Sam reached for and gently held his wrists and then just as quickly let them go. Bailey   
stopped moving and whispered "Do you want me to stop?" Sam bit her lower lip as tears leaked   
down her cheeks but she shook her head. "We can, you know. I won't mind." He said. Again   
she shook her head so he again gently brushed his fingers across her chest. Bailey looked into   
Sam's eyes and again she shook her head. Slowly he lowered his head and pressed his lips to the   
soft, warm skin above her incision. Sam let go of her fear and drew in a deep breath. She   
reveled in the warmth and tenderness of having Bailey touch her. Slowly, tenderly they made   
love. When they were both completely satisfied , they lay entwined in each others   
arms. After a while Bailey nuzzled near Sam's ear and whispered. "You are an incredible lover.   
It was worth the wait. I love you Sam."

"Thank you, I love you too Bailey. I wanted to do this while I was still strong enough. I hope   
you feel that way next week when I am too sick to think about making love."

Bailey laughed a little. "I didn't realize that you could be so sick as to not at least think about   
making love but, if you are then I will still be here loving you and waiting for you. Might be a   
little harder now that I know what I will be missing though." He said smiling at her.

"You're pretty good yourself lover boy." Sam kissed him softly. "Thank you for being here   
Bailey. I love you very much."

Bailey looked at her and said in a serious tone. "Enough to marry me?"

Sam looked as though he had just smacked her. "I have to go to the bathroom." She managed to   
say.

Bailey grabbed her arm as she started to slide away from him. "Sam, wait, don't run away. I'm   
sorry. That wasn't fair of me. You don't need this now. I made a mistake. I do want to marry   
you but, honey, I know now isn't the right time. Oh Sam, I didn't mean to ruin this moment for   
you. Please baby, pretend I didn't say it. Whatever. Just please don't run away now."

Sam stopped pulling away and limply laid her head down on the pillow. Quiet. Bailey softly ran   
his hand up and down her arm and gently moved to cuddle up next to her again. Sam was silent   
for a long time and then hoarsely she said. "Bailey, this was very selfish of me. You should be   
out there looking for someone else. Someone who is whole and will be with you ten years from   
now."

"Sam, I don't want someone else. I'll never want someone else. You are my true love. I loved   
you before this happened and I'll love you forever. You will be with me ten years from now. I   
know that. I believe that. I am not ever leaving you and one day, I will make you my bride. But   
for now I am just content to be with you. Sam, we have come so far. Don't pull away now.   
Please!"

Sam sighed heavily. She rolled on her side to face him and closed her eyes. Sleep overtook her.   
Waking a little later, she opened her eyes and found Bailey looking back at her just inches away.   
Sam smiled weakly and then got a very serious look on her face. "I'm not strong enough to push   
you away this time Bailey. I need you too much and my love is too strong now. Please God,   
don't ever let me be sorry I didn't make the effort." Bailey leaned to Sam and kissed her. They   
made love again, this time with a passion that neither had experienced before.

Tuesday Morning found Sam and Angel standing in the middle of a boutique for women needing   
custom bras and other clothing. Sam felt a little dazed looking around at all of the different   
bathing suits, bras, night wear, etc. "May I help you ladies?" the clerk said.

"Hi, yes, we made an appointment. This is Sam." Angel said.

"Oh yes, I am so glad to meet you. My name is Carol." She said extending her hand to Sam.

Sam took her hand and murmured a greeting. Carol ushered them to a desk in the corner of the   
room. "Lets sit down for a moment and get some information." She asked Sam some questions   
like previous bra size, style and likes and dislikes and then stood up. She went in a back room for   
a minute and then came back carrying a box. "This is our newest model prosthesis. It is very life   
like with movement,weight, and feel. I think this will be perfect for you." Sam stared at the box   
like there was some alien in it. "You can pick it up and feel it. Don't worry, very soon it will be   
very natural to you." Sam looked at the clerk like she didn't have a clue. Carol stopped and   
looked into Sam's face. "It's been three years since my surgery. I do know what I am talking   
about. You will get used to this." Sam looked embarrassed and gave her a small smile. "It's   
okay Sam. I had a hard time too." Carol opened the box and took out the prosthesis. Sam's eyes   
widened. It wasn't the shape she had expected. Carol smiled knowingly. "A woman's breast isn't   
really round, you know. Much of our breast tissue goes up under our arms. This teardrop shape   
looks and feels very real. Why don't we move to the dressing room and see if this one fits you."

Sam tried several until they found the one that matched her size. Then Carol showed her how to   
fit the prosthesis into her new bras. Sam got home a little afternoon. Bailey was waiting for her.   
"Looks like you and Angel did well." Bailey said making no secret that he was staring at Sam's   
chest. Sam blushed a bit. "It looks very natural. I wouldn't take bets on which was real if I   
didn't know for sure." He said smiling.

That night Bailey was again awakened by Sam tapping on the door. "Bailey, will you come to my   
room?"

"Sam, Chloe is in the house. Are you sure?."

"She is asleep Bail. I just checked on her. Please Bailey, after tomorrow I don't know when I   
will feel like it again. I want to feel you tonight. Besides, I have a little surprise for you."   
Bailey followed Sam to her room.

"Close your eyes." Sam said with a mischievous grin. Bailey closed them. After a moment Sam   
said "Okay, you can open them." Bailey almost fell off the edge of the bed. Sam was standing in   
front of him wearing a light pink teddy. She giggled. "So, do you like it?" Bailey nodded. He   
couldn't say anything.

Finally he was able to croak out "My god Sam, you look incredible."

Bailey and Sam made love several times before he finally had to leave her to go back to his own   
room. In the morning Sam was already up before Bailey. Chloe was still in bed. Sam gave   
Bailey a cup of coffee and a good morning kiss. "I loved having you last night. Makes facing   
today much easier."

Bailey grinned "Glad I could help."

At nine thirty Sam, Bailey, Angel and Chloe joined Dr. Gerald in his office. He laid out his   
treatment plan for Sam. "Sam we're going to hit you hard with chemo and radiation starting this   
afternoon. We have some new drugs in our arsenal to help combat the side effects but they will   
still be intense. It is mandatory that anyone coming near you be screened for illness. One sneeze   
or sniffle and no visit. This is not negotiable. Hand washing and high level personal care are   
expected in the household. We have to protect Sam from infection. Your immune system is   
going to be highly compromised. Is everyone clear on this?"

Everyone nodded. Dr. Gerald continued. "Okay Sam, I want to see you in the exam room, check   
your incision, remove the staples and give you a general once over. Then I have made an   
appointment for you in nuclear medicine. Radiation first and then you will go to oncology. Any   
questions?"

"Only about a million." Sam said.

Sam arrived in nuclear medicine and changed into a gown. Once in the room the technologist   
introduced herself. "My name is Dawn. I will be giving you your treatments for the next few   
weeks. Is it okay if I call you Sam?"

"Sure."

"Good, okay first thing we need to do is line you up so that we only shoot the right places. This   
will take a while today but I will give you some tattoos that will help us later."

Sam laughed. "My daughter said she didn't care if I was purple with green spots. She would still   
love me. Guess I will have the green spots now."

Dawn laughed too. "Tell me about her while I get you set up."

When she was done in nuclear medicine Sam stopped by the registration desk and picked up some   
paperwork and then joined Angel, Bailey and Chloe in the waiting room. "How did it go?" Angel   
asked.

"So far not so bad." Sam said. She sat down next to Chloe who was looking at her intently.   
Looking down at Chloe with a very loving look, Sam said. "Guess what I got?"

Chloe smiled and shook her head. "What?"

"Tattoos!" Sam said smiling broadly and moving aside the neck of her blouse enough for Chloe   
to see. "Now I do have green spots."

Chloe laughed and hugged Sam.

Sam giggled a bit and then turned to Bailey and Angel. Do you all want to go and get something   
to eat? I have about two hours before the other appointment. I doubt it will stay down long but I   
am a little hungry right now. Maybe some place I can get some soup?"

Everyone agreed and they went off to find a restaurant. After eating Sam said"Chlo, Angel,   
Bailey and I need to talk about some legal stuff, do you want to stay or go play video games?"

Chloe thought for a minute and then said. "Videos"

"Okay, good. Here is some money. Stay where I can see you please and we will come get you   
when we are ready to leave." Sam said and kissed Chloe on the forehead.

Sam pulled out the paperwork she had picked up earlier. "I would appreciate it if you both would   
sign some stuff for me." Sam paused and then looked at them both. "It is a health care surrogate   
form. This gives you both the right to make decisions about my health care if I can't. I want you   
both to sign this so that either of you can make emergency decisions. But if it ever comes to that, I   
hope that you will talk to each other. Angel I want your decisions to be for you but Bailey can   
override them if you can't agree because Bailey's decisions will be for Chloe. This way I hope   
that nobody feels they are shouldering the decisions alone. Also, Bailey, I want you to sign a   
Power of Attorney and Angel, I need you to sign a paper that makes you legal guardian for   
Chloe if necessary. Is that acceptable for you both? They both nodded numbly.

Once the paperwork was signed, Sam smiled a little. "Don't worry you guys. I don'texpect for   
you to ever use it. I'm just trying to protect Chloe. I want her to know that I have done   
everything I can to put her first. Not having someone to make legal or medical decisions isn't in   
her best interest or mine."

Slowly, they all walked back to the hospital. Sam had an enormous feeling of dread. She held   
Chloe's hand. Arriving at the oncology department Chloe said. "Momma, can Bailey stay with   
you and hold your hand?"

Just then Sam's oncology nurse came forward. Having heard the question, hesaid. "Of course he   
can. That is the best medicine she will get all day." He said smiling. Turning to Sam, he said "Hi,   
my name is Bill. I am one of the nurses here. You must be Sam. I have already spoken to Dr.   
Gerald about you."

Sam looked very surprised. Bill smiled and said. "We make an attempt to treat the whole person   
here. Getting to know about the person and their families is important. I already know that this   
young lady is Chloe, your daughter," He said looking at Chloe. "and this must be your friend,   
Angel," he stuck out his hand to shake hers "And this is Bailey." He shook Bailey's hand and then   
looked at Sam and shrugged. "Dr. Gerald is a very good source of information."

Sam laughed. "He has plenty of that. He is an old family friend."

Bill led Sam and Bailey to an area at the far end of the room. Once everyone was seated, he   
began to explain to them what to expect. When he was done he said. "So, basically, we will see   
you here every twenty one days for chemo and ten days after that for blood work and medication   
adjustments. Dr. Gerald has also ordered a medication that you must take everyday. It is a shot   
that can be given at home if you would like.I will be glad to teach Bailey or anyone else how to   
give it to you. But if you are notcomfortable with that, you can come in here once a day to get it."

Sam looked at Bailey. His eyes were wide and he looked very uncomfortable. She just smiled   
weakly and turned back to Bill."

"That's okay." Bill said. "You all can talk about it and let me know later." Then he stood up and   
said I will be back in a few minutes to get you started. Okay?" They both nodded.

When Bill was gone, Sam sat quietlyfor a few minutes. Finally, after recovering a bit, Bailey   
broke the silence. "You know I will do what ever it takes to help."

Sam nodded. "I know."

When Bill came back he had a small table with him. On it was a lot of IV equipment and several   
syringes. "Ready to get started?" Sam nodded. "Okay, first thing I have to do is start an IV. It   
won't be in long but it will keep me from having to stick you more than once. Then I will give   
you several medications to help control some of the side effects and finally your chemo drugs."   
Bill talked while he started the IV. Bailey held her hand. Bill finished giving her the medicines.   
Other than feelinga little flushed and hot for a few minutes, Sam didn't notice much. Bill   
removed the IV and said. "All done. Did you decide what to do about your daily   
medication?"

Bailey nodded. "Just teach me what to do."

When they were ready to leave Bill gave Sam a booklet with additional information and phone   
numbers in it and a bag that contained several medications and syringes. "Please call us if you   
have questions. We are here to work as a team to get you well. Okay?"

Bailey and Sam held hands while they walked the long hallway back to the waiting area. Finally   
reaching Angel and Chloe, Sam smiled and said. "All done. Lets go home."

End of Part four   
  


  
  



	5. Tying A Knot

Tying A Knot Disclaimer Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia Saunders and Stephen   
Kronish. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: SBR

Rated: PG 13

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. This is the   
Fourth part to Chloe's call.

Thanks To Enni and Isis, you both know why :-D Also to my mother. A very brave and   
wonderful woman.

'Tying a knot'   
Chapter Five   
by Tarrant   


Arriving home Sam knew that everyone was waiting for the side effects to begin. She didn't feel   
like being a spectacle and so she quickly and quietly excused herself and went to her room. Bailey   
wasn't quite sure what to do but decided it was best to leave her alone for the time being. He was   
about to start thinking about dinner for Chloe when he heard a light tapping on the back door. He   
was shocked to find it was Grace. "Hi Grace."

Grace looked a bit embarrassed. "I'm sorry Bail. I know I promised I wouldn't come to see Sam   
unless asked, but I heard she had her first treatments today and I thought I would bring something   
for you and Chloe to eat so that there need not be cooking smells in the house today."

Bailey looked surprised. "I didn't even think about that. Thank you Grace. Sam has gone to her   
room. Would you like to come in?"

Grace studied Bailey for a moment and then said. "Yes, I would." She came in a sat down at the   
table. "Bailey, you look like hell. Tell me what is going on?"

"Geez Gracie, you sure don't pull any punches now do you?" He said.

"Talk to me Bailey, what are you feeling?"

Bailey started to shake his head and his eyes darkened. "Grace, I don't ..."

Grace interrupted him. "Bailey, you can't help Sam if you are not willing to help yourself. You   
need some help too Bail and I want to give it to you."

Bailey glared at her for a minute or two and then his face softened. "Okay Grace, what should I   
say?"

"Tell me how it went this morning."

"Okay, she got her radiation first and then we all went to lunch." Bailey got quiet for a minute   
and then said. "She asked us to sign some papers."

"What kind of papers?"

Quietly he said. "I signed a health care surrogate and Power of Attorney and Angel signed the   
surrogate papers and a paper giving her legal guardianship of Chloe if necessary."

"Oh." Grace looked hard at Bailey and then put her hand on his arm. "Those are hard to think   
about. But you know, she only wanted to make it easier for you all to take care of the most   
precious thing in her life. Chloe."

"I know."

"And easier for you to take care of the most precious thing in your life." She continued. Bailey   
raised his eyebrow a bit and looked at Grace. "Come on Bailey, I thought we were being honest   
with each other. You all have been in love for years."

Bailey nodded.

"What else happened today?"

Bailey got a far away look on his face and said. "They want me to give her a shot everyday."

"And?"

"I don't think I can do it Gracie. I don't want to hurt her and these drugs are going to make her   
so sick. I don't want to be the one making her sick." Bailey looked a little sick himself.

"Bailey, you need to look at this another way. You have the opportunity to do more to help Sam   
get well than just holding her hand. You aren't making her sick, you are making her well so that   
she can love you and Chloe and Angel and all of us for many more years. You need to do this   
Bailey, for yourself as much as for her."

"I just hope I can."

"You will Bail. You love her that much. I know you do. So does she, otherwise she wouldn't   
expect you to do it. Just think about growing old together and that what you are doing is making   
that happen."

Grace and Bailey talked for a while longer and then Grace left. Bailey felt a renewed sense of   
dedication to Sam and to himself. He didn't feel quite so tired nor helpless.

After he and Chloe ate the casserole that Grace brought Bailey went to check on Sam. She had   
been alone for several hours now and he was a bit concerned. He gently tapped on Sam's door.   
"I'm fine!" She said. That was good enough for him. He knew she was miserable but he also   
knew she was beyond any help he could offer right now and he knew it was important for her to   
keep this to herself for now.

"Okay, I love you Sam!" Bailey said and moved away from the door. He checked on her a couple   
more times during the evening but got the same response. He watched some TV and played a   
game with Chloe before checking one last time before bed. This time when he knocked Sam said.   
"Come in."

Surprised Bailey slowly opened the door. "I just wanted to tell you I was going to bed." He said   
almost apologetically.

Sam was laying on her side on the bed. She was covered up but still shivered. "I figured that. I   
wanted to see you before you did."

"What do you need, Babe?" He said almost happy he could do something.

"I just wanted to see you. Know that you really are near." She said tiredly.

"I'm right here Sam." Bailey walked near the bed and looked down at Sam. Then he slowly sat   
down on the floor next to the bed, careful not to jar it. He looked lovingly into her face. "Can I   
touch you?" She nodded almost imperceptibly. Tenderly, he put his hand to her face and brushed   
her cheek near her ear. "I love you Sam!"

Sam closed her eyes and absorbed Bailey's tender touch. She felt like he was trying to heal her   
through his touch. She could feel his strength flowing to her. After a few minutes Sam opened   
her eyes and she looked past Bailey to see Chloe standing quietly in the doorway. "Hi   
Sweetheart." Sam whispered.

"Hi, I just wanted to see you were okay for myself." Chloe said softly.

"I'm doing okay Chlo." Sam said and closed her eyes again.

"Night Momma. I love you. Let me know if you need me." Sam opened her eyes and then   
closed them again. She didn't have the strength to say anymore.

Bailey sat with Sam for a while longer, caressing her cheek. Then Sam's eyes opened again. "I   
need you to go now Bail."

Bailey nodded, and got up. Turning his back to her he said "If you need me again, I'll be close."   
He shut the door behind him. Turning back to the door he gently put his hand on it for a   
moment. Then he went to bed. He didn't sleep much.

At five o'clock he got tired of fighting it and opened his door. It was still dark out and he could   
see that Sam's light was still on. He knocked gently, there wasn't an answer this time. He waited   
a few moments and then opened the door a bit. Sam was sitting on the floor next to the bed   
curled over in a ball. The trash can sitting next to her.

When she heard the door knob click she raised her head. Bailey said "I'm sorry, you didn't   
answer and I got worried." Sam looked at him for a moment and then put her head back down.   
"Sam, you don't have to be alone. I know you're tired. Let me stay with you for a while, you   
can lean on me." She didn't make any move to decline his offer so he slowly sat down next to   
her. After a moment she leaned toward him and he put his arms around her. He gently stroked   
her hair and murmured encouraging words in her ear.

After a short time he noticed her breathing had become very regular and he realized she had   
fallen asleep. He rested his head on hers and finally drifted off to sleep himself. Several hours   
later he felt Sam begin to move rather quickly. She grabbed for the trash can and brought it close   
to her. After several bouts with dry heaves she relaxed back against him. He put his arms back   
around her. "Thank you Bailey." She said quietly.

"You sound a little better."

"I am better with you here."

Later Bailey finally talked Sam into getting back into bed. He helped her up and tucked her in,   
then lay down beside her. He put his arms back around her and pulled her in close, careful not to   
press too hard on her.

At about nine o'clock Chloe came to the door. Bailey had left it open. He smiled at her and put   
his finger to his lips. Sam was asleep again. Chloe looked at Sam and frowned. She really did   
look pretty rough.

Bailey slowly and carefully pulled away from Sam and rolled off the side of the bed. He quietly   
went over to Chloe. He put his arm around her shoulder and leaned down to whisper in her ear.   
"Why don't you go and be with her for a while. She needs you." Chloe nodded. She hesitated   
for a moment. Bailey squeezed her shoulder a bit. "She's okay Chloe, she is just worn out. She's   
not had much sleep." Chloe nodded again and slipped carefully into bed with Sam. Gently she   
cuddled up next to her.

When Sam awoke a bit later she was surprised but pleased to find Chloe laying next to her.   
"Hello little girl." Sam said mustering up a smile.

Chloe smiled back. "Hi Momma, any better now?"

"Maybe a little since you are here."

Just then Bailey came in carrying some toast and tea. "Hi, are you ready to try eating   
something?"

Sam looked sad and shook her head. "I don't think so. Sorry if you went to any trouble to fix   
it."

"It's okay Sam. I wanted to try."

Bailey put the tray down and went over and kissed Sam on the forehead. "How are you doing   
Sweetheart?"

"Honestly?" Sam asked.

"Yes!" Bailey said emphatically.

Sam's eyes widened for a moment and then she said. " I still feel pretty sick and I am so very   
tired."

Chloe, who had been quietly listening put her arms around Sam and hugged her. Sam looked at   
her and melted. Slowly tears started to form in her eyes. Bailey sat down next to Sam, he picked   
up her hand and brought it to his face. For just a moment he took in a breath and smelled her,   
then placed his lips to her fingers. He held her hand like that for a while. Sam closed her eyes.   
She tried desperately to absorb the energy that both Chloe and Bailey were giving to her. She was   
feeling so sick. Sicker than she had felt in her entire life. The nausea was overwhelming. She   
started to shake again. She was reaching despair and wishing she didn't have to go on like this.   
She heard Bailey's voice very close to her ear. "Sam, you're going to be okay. Today will be   
better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today. This will not last forever and you are   
doing this to make yourself well for that little girl that is holding on to you. Take it a minute at a   
time for now and remember each moment brings you closer to the time when this will be just a   
memory. Closer to a time when you and Chloe can do the things you have wanted to do   
together." Sam nodded a little so Bailey was quiet for a few minutes.

Finally Sam opened her eyes and looked him in the face. "Thank you, your timing is incredible,   
you know that?" Bailey just smiled at her.

At six o'clock there was a knock at the back door. Bailey left Sam and Chloe and went to answer   
the door. It was Grace. "Hi Gracie"

"Hey, just bringing dinner. You look better. How is Sam?"

"Better now I think. Chloe and I have been with her all day. She doesn't seem so weak now. She   
slept some but I think it is emotional tiredness too."

"Did you give her her medicine yet?"

Bailey looked down and then back at Grace. "No, not yet. I will, but I thought I would let her   
eat something first. They said it wouldn't make her sick."

"Do you want me to stay until you do?"

Bailey smiled a bit. "No, it's okay now Grace. I'll do it. I just haven't had the heart to bring it   
up yet. She was really close to the edge this morning. I could feel her strength draining away.   
She is okay now, I'm just trying to make sure I approach her about it right."

"Call if you need anything Bailey. I really mean it. I'll be here before you hang up."

"I know, thanks Gracie."

When she was gone, Bailey went back to Sam and Chloe. Sam was sitting up on the edge of the   
bed nibbling on the toast that Bailey had made earlier. "You know I would have made you some   
fresh." He said.

Sam shook her head "This is fine. I just wanted to see if I can keep it down." Sam took a sip of   
the tea and then laid back down. She was feeling a bit sick still but she was hungry.

Bailey watched her for a moment and then said "Chloe, there is some dinner downstairs. Why   
don't you go and serve it up and I will be there in a minute. Okay?"

Chloe nodded and hugged Sam. "I'll be back Momma."

When Chloe had gone downstairs, Sam said "Who was at the door Bailey?"

"Just a friend. Brought us some dinner thats all." He said.

"Is Grace helping you Bail?" Sam said gently.

Bailey nodded a little and finally said. "She is helping all of us Sam."

Sam smiled softly. "Good, because I think we need everything we can get right now. Talk to her   
Bailey. It's okay."

"Sam, how did you know?"

"Angel told me she called her for you. I just assumed, knowing Grace. She is a good friend. I   
know I am hurting her but I am not able to let anyone else in right now."

"She understands Sam. She is still helping. She just wants you okay. Whatever it takes." He said   
sitting down on the bed. "Speaking of Angel, she called a little while ago, she wants to come by   
tonight and be with you. I told her it was okay."

Sam turned to look at him.

Bailey spoke again before she could. "Sam, you need her. She doesn't care if you are throwing   
up on her. She wants to be with you and you need her near. Quit being such a ..." Bailey was   
quiet for a moment, Sam was staring at him. He put his hand out and touched her face. Choking   
up he whispered. "Sam, try to let us help you. We love you but we have to be close to let you   
know that. You let us be here today and I think you are better because of it. Trying to handle it   
alone just drains you. Let Angel come Sam."

Sam closed her eyes.

Bailey got up from the bed and went to the bathroom for a few minutes. When he returned he sat   
back down next to her and gently put his hand on her arm. Sam opened her eyes. Bailey   
searched her face and finally said. "We need to give you your medicine. Okay?

Sam's face softened. She knew this was hard for Bailey. She reached out and took his hand. It   
was quivering. "I love you Bail."

He helped her slip her arm out of her robe and gown. He caressed her arm for a moment and   
then whipped it with the alcohol swab. Biting his bottom lip a bit he picked up the syringe and   
gave her the shot. Sam didn't move. When he was done, he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Angel came by at around nine o'clock. She spent some time downstairs talking to Bailey and   
Chloe and then went to Sam's room. She tapped on the door and waited for Sam to answer.   
"Come in Angel."

Angel pushed the door open and said "Hey you!"

"Hi." Sam was sitting up on the bed. "Came to be with sick-o, huh?"

"Nope, I came to have a slumber party with my best friend." Angel said grinning and pulling off   
her coat to show off her new pajamas.

Sam couldn't help but laugh. "Those are the ugliest pajamas I have ever seen!"

Angle fained hurt and said. "I bought them just for you. As a matter of fact I bought you a   
pair." Laughing she pulled out another set of pajamas from the bag she had brought.

"Angel you are too much!"

Angel came over and gave Sam a hug. "I know you still feel pretty sick. I just wanted to be with   
you. I don't expect you to entertain me."

"Are you really going to stay with me tonight?"

"I'd like to. I want to be with you. I have missed you and I think Bailey could use the night off   
from worrying about you. Not that he will use it." She said with a smile. "I'm pretty sure   
thoughts of you consume him these days."

Sam smiled shyly "I hope the positive ones."

Angel turned out the light and crawled into bed next to Sam. "Sam, you have had a lot to deal   
with. Tell me what you have been thinking about."

Sam sighed loudly. "Just scared Angel."

"Tell me Sam"

"God, I don't even know where to start. I guess...well, I am scared that I can't do this again. I   
feel so bad. This is like walking through hell Angel. Cold, hot, nauseated, my stomach feels like   
I have swallowed hot lead. It didn't hurt this bad when I delivered Chloe." Sam was crying now.   
"I don't want Chloe to know all this Angel. But I need her near me. I don't want Bailey to know   
either. He has been so strong for me but I don't think he can handle much more. I was so close   
to the end of my rope this morning. I didn't even care if I died right then, but then Bailey   
reminded me why I am doing this. I will not leave Chloe like my mother left me." The last   
words she spoke were so intense that Angel was startled.

Angel reached for Sam's hand and held it like she had when they were little girls afraid of the   
dark. For a few minutes she wasn't able to say anything. What was there to say. "I'm sorry that   
you have to go through this Sam."

"Me too Angel, I'm sorry all of us are going through this. I just wish I had done something   
sooner." Crying harder now she said. "I just couldn't face it any sooner. I know it is worse   
because of that but I just couldn't bring myself to admit it. Chloe and I were just reaching a point   
of a normal life again. Having time to be together and not bring up the past constantly. I bought   
her two more months Angel, but what will be the price?"

"You are a good mother Sam. The choices you have had to make are ones that most of us will   
never face. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Many people have put off taking care of   
this for a lot less good reasons than you." They were both quiet for a bit and then Angel said.   
"You know Sam, not everything that is happening to you is bad. Bailey is back in your life and   
his love for you is so intense. Sam, do you realize he has put his own life on hold to be with you   
and take care of you and that it is given freely and without reservation? You are a very lucky   
woman in that respect Sam."

Sam had to smile a little. She knew that Angel had not always cared for Bailey but she was glad   
to see she had changed her mind and that Angel was finally seeing who Bailey really was. "I just   
hope I am being fair to him."

"Enjoy it. He loves you Sam. Letting him take care of you is as good as you can be to him right   
now. Be fair to yourself. Cut yourself a little slack and don't ask so much. Getting well needs to   
be your main focus not worrying about any of us. We will take care of you and each other. I   
promise." Sam and Angel fell quiet and finally fell asleep.

Downstairs in the den Bailey is sitting on the sofa with the TV turned on but the volume to low to   
hear. Chloe came and sat down next to him. Unconsiously he put his arm around her shoulder   
and pulled her in close. "She is sicker than she is letting on isn't she?" Chloe asked softly. Bailey   
nodded. "She is going to be okay though, right?"

"She is very strong Chloe. She will be okay but she is very sick right now."

Chloe nodded and snuggled up to him. Bailey stared off into space for a while thinking about   
Sam and wishing there were something he could do to change all of this for her. At eleven he   
carried Chloe, who had fallen asleep next to him, up to her bed. Then he went to Sam's door.   
Everything was quiet so he turned to his room and went to bed.

In the morning when Bailey woke, he got up to go to the bathroom. When he opened his door he   
noticed that Sam's door was already open. He looked at his watch and was shocked to realize that   
it was almost noon. He had slept hard for the first time in weeks. He peeked in the room. Sam   
was sitting up in the bed eating. Angel and Chloe where near her on the floor bantering back and   
forth. Sam looked up and smiled brightly. "Good morning sleepy head."

Bailey rubbed his eyes and looked at the scene again. "Sam you are eating!" He said with obvious   
surprise but pleasure in his voice.

"Yep, I'm hungry." She said shrugging but smiling.

"Thats wonderful!" He said.

When he came back from the bathroom he sat down next to Sam on the bed. "I thought I would   
take Chloe to the grocery since Angel is here. Do you want anything special?"

Sam nodded and grinned a little. "Lots of bread for toast."

Bailey grinned back at her. "Anything else?"

"Maybe some mashed potatoes for later." She said grinning bigger.

"Bread and mashed potatoes. Okay!" Bailey said laughing. " Whatever works. Back in a bit."

When he and Chloe were gone, Angel shook her head and smiled. "You know Sam, you ought to   
marry that man."

"Oh, he already asked me too." Sam said slyly.

"What? Sam you have been holding out on me. When did he do that?"

"Never you mind, when. You already know more than I planned to tell you." Sam said grinning   
mischeviously.

"Oh, I forgot you don't kiss and tell. You will let me know before you get married won't you?"   
Angel said sarcasticly.

Teasing a bit Sam said. "Oh, I suppose, if I don't forget."

"You're a mess Sam. I'm glad you are eating. Do you think you will be able to keep it down?"

Sam shrugged. "I'm nauseated but so far so good. I need something."

It wasn't but thirty minutes later that Sam was back in the bathroom sick again. Angel waited in   
the bedroom quietly. When Sam came out she moved the trash can near the bed and lay down.   
Angel moved to the bed and carefully sat next to Sam. She took her hand and held it. Sam drew   
her legs up and buried her face in the bed. Her breathing was in short gasps now. Her pain   
obvious.

By the time Chloe and Bailey returned home Sam was still laying on the bed but the pain had   
lessened some. Angel asked Chloe to stay with Sam while she and Bailey went for a walk. Once   
out of the house, Bailey turned to Angel and said "What happened?"

Angel glanced away. "She doesn't really want you to know but I think you should so I'm going to   
tell you anyway. She's in a lot of pain right now Bailey. The vomiting, the nausea she is   
miserable. She didn't keep that toast down more than half and hour. Look, we are just starting   
this. We have to help her."

Angel was almost beside herself. Bailey put his arm around her. "Okay, Angel, okay, I'll call the   
doctor and talk to him. He needs to know anyway. Maybe there is another medicine to combat   
the side effects but I need to talk to Sam first. I have to know what to tell the doctor."

When they returned to the house, Bailey went straight to Sam's room. Chloe was sitting on the   
bed next to Sam playing with Sam's hair. Sam lay on her side, quietly.

Bailey motioned to Chloe to come to him. When she did, he whispered into her ear and she   
nodded and disappeared downstairs. Bailey went to the bed and stared down at Sam for a   
moment. Finally he cleared his throat and said. "Sam, the medications to combat the side effects   
aren't working for you. We need to call the doctor and let him know. He maybe able to offer   
you something else."

Sam nodded a bit, but stayed silent. Bailey knelt down near her and touched her face. Brushing   
away some stray hair he said. "Sam, I need to know what is going on so I can help you. Please   
Baby, tell me."

"Throwing up Bail. It has to stop. It hurts so bad." She whispered.

"Okay Baby, I'll call, we'll make it stop somehow." He smoothed her furrowed eyebrows with   
his thumb and then stood up. "Hold on Sam!" He said remembering a story Sam had told him   
years ago. Then he left.

Downstairs in the study away from Chloe, Bailey called Dr. Gerald. He explained everything to   
him and was relieved when Dr. Gerald said he would try some new medications. He told Bailey   
that he would also prescribe a pain medicine. Bailey left Angel and Chloe with Sam and ran out to   
the drug store.

When he returned he went straight to Sam. She was still lying balled up on the bed. The first   
doses of the new medicines were in shot form. Bailey didn't waste time. Once he gave Sam the   
shots, he curled up next to her and waited. Speaking softly in her ear, he told her how wonderful   
she was and how much he loved her. Slowly he noticed her begin to relax. After a bit, Sam   
stretched out a little and turned over to face Bailey. He wrapped his arms around her and she laid   
her head down on his shoulder. Tenderly he fiddled with her hair and caressed her cheek. Finally   
Sam sighed heavily and looked into Bailey's warm liquid eyes.

"Better?" He asked.

"Yes." She whispered. "Thank you."

Bailey shook his head. "I could have helped earlier if you had been honest with me Sam. This   
isn't something you should play around with. I need to know and I want to know. If you aren't   
going to be honest and let me help there really isn't any point in my being here. Stop trying to   
control this yourself Sam or you are going to be misserable trying to protect us from your   
suffering."

Sam started to cry. Bailey pulled her close to him and sighed. "Ah Sam, Damn it , I'm sorry!   
I'm just so frustrated that you were in pain for so long and I could have stopped it sooner. Please   
honey, don't cry."

Sam cried anyway. Bailey just held her. Finally she stopped and gently nuzzled against his now   
wet neck. "I'm sorry Bail. I love you. I want you here. I'll try to be more forthright with you.   
Please Bailey, don't be mad."

Bailey reached up and held Sam's head even closer to him. "Honey, I'm not mad. Just   
frustrated. I love you and I would give anything in the world to make this go away for you. I   
just don't want you to hurt."

Sam slept for the rest of the day. Late in the night when she awoke, she felt much better. The   
pain had stopped and so had the neausea. She went to look in on Chloe. She was asleep. Sam sat   
on the edge of her bed for a few minutes and stroked her hair. When she came out into the   
hallway she saw Bailey standing near his door looking at her. He opened his arms up and she   
went to him.

"Feeling better?" He whispered. Sam nodded. "Good."

Sam whispered to him. "I was just wanting to take a shower. Will you come and be with me.   
I'm too tired for anything but I want to feel you hold me. I want to feel your skin against mine."   
Bailey glanced down the hallway. "She's asleep Bail. It will be okay." He nodded and took her   
hand.

Bailey held Sam until the water began to turn cold. He helped her out of the shower and dried   
her off. Sam was sleepy again but wasn't willing to let go of Bailey just yet. "Bailey come to   
bed with me. I just need to feel you. I have felt so bad, and you make me feel so good."

Bailey smiled and crawled into bed next to Sam. "You make me feel good too Sam." Sam and   
Bailey cuddled up and she fell asleep quickly. Bailey lay next to her enjoying the feel of her soft   
body against his and wondered at the turn of events that had occured in their lives. Just weeks ago   
he could not have really believed that he would have ever had the opportunity to tell Sam that he   
loved her or that she would tell him the same. But now here he was, sharing her bed and one of   
the most painful and frightening experiences of her life and his. He would not have thought it   
possible to love her more but the more she needed him the greater his love had become. He no   
longer cared about his position at the VCTF or about his own day to day life. He felt that for now   
his sole purpose in life was to give Sam back hers so that he could love her and so that she could   
love him.

End of part five   
  


  
  
  
  



	6. Heaven And Hell

Heaven and Hell Disclaimer Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia Saunders and Stephen   
Kronish. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: SBR

Rated: PG 13

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year.

Special Thanks: Hugs and kisses to my Angels. For holding my hand on the road less traveled. And   
for allowing me to hold yours.   


'Heaven and Hell'   
Chapter Six   
by Tarrant

In the morning Bailey gently slipped away from Sam. As he put his sweatpants on he heard her say.   
"I miss you already."

He leaned down and kissed her softly. "Me too Baby. You feel so wonderful. I love every minute I   
spend with you," he kissed her again and then stood up.

Stepping out into the hallway he was startled to see Chloe there near the bathroom door. "Hi" She   
said.

Bailey froze for a minute, looking at her and then mumbled an automatic "Hi." Chloe smiled and   
went on into the bathroom. Bailey stood out in the hallway for another moment and suddenly turned   
and went back into Sam's room, closing the door loudly behind him. Sam jumped and opened her   
eyes. Bailey was leaning against the door with his eyes rolled up and his face as red as a beet.   
"What?" She said looking at him.

"Chloe" He said shaking his head and starring at the ceiling.

Sam muffled her amusement at Bailey's embarrassment. Finally she said "Okay Bail. I need to talk to   
her anyway. I'll deal with this, but for now just come back over here." She put out her hand and   
after a moment he walked over to her. She pulled him down next to her and put her arms around   
him. Whispering into his ear she said. "Bailey, I know this is a little strange, but you need to lighten   
up about it. Our circumstances are not normal. I need your comfort to make it. Besides, the only   
difference between now and later is a piece of paper to her. I think that we should be honest with her   
about that and leave it there. Okay?" Bailey nodded.

Then he suddenly pulled away from her just a bit and looked her in the face searching. "Do you   
really mean that? You really will marry me?"

Sam smiled "Of course I'm want to marry you Bailey. I love you! But I am not going to marry you   
until I know I will be here for you. And when I do marry you it will be at a time you will be sure I   
am making a vow I plan to keep not just because I need you. Right now our relationship is very one   
sided. You are doing all of the giving. I won't marry you until I can give something back. I love you   
too much for that."

Bailey pulled her close to him. "You have made me very happy Sam. I have always known you   
wouldn't make a vow you couldn't keep. Our relationship isn't as one sided as you think. I don't   
think I am the one who needs to be convinced but I'll wait until you are ready. I love you Sam!"

Late in the afternoon Sam was sitting on the sofa in the den. Chloe brought her some tea and Sam   
patted the sofa next to her. "Come sit here with me." Smiling she sat next to Sam and curled up into   
Sam's arms. "Chlo, I wanted to talk to you."

"I figured you would. I'm sorry I embarrassed Bailey this morning Momma. I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't. Chloe, do you understand what is going on?"

Chloe nodded a bit and said "I understand that Bailey is taking care of both of us and that he makes   
you very happy. That you need him right now and that you are in love. I also understand that this is   
one of those cases of do as I say, not as I do. Does that about cover it?"

Sam smiled and tightened her arms around her little girl. "Yes is does. You scare me sometimes   
Little One. You are so smart and I am so proud of you. And you are right, I am in love with him."

"I'm glad he is back in our lives Momma. I really missed him. Please don't ever let him go again."

"It's okay Chlo, he will be a part of your life from now on. He loves you very much."

It was several days before Sam started noticing other side effects. She was becoming really tired. She   
found herself falling asleep at the drop of a hat. She also noticed she was having really wide mood   
swings. Bailey couldn't help but notice too. Especially the morning Sam had a major melt down.

It was an especially nice morning and Sam had decided that she would make breakfast for everyone   
to eat outside on the patio. She had had a little trouble with the stove and had burnt the first batch of   
eggs but she had made more and the breakfast was finally ready. As she started to carry one of the   
plates of food to the patio she bumped the edge of the counter and sent the plate flying. It shattered   
on the floor scattering food and glass everywhere. Bailey was in the den and heard the crash. He   
started to go to the kitchen to check when he heard more crashing. Rounding the corner he saw Sam   
throwing plate after plate onto the floor and watching them shatter. When she saw him she started   
yelling. "I am so damn tired of being a train wreck! Why are you here anyway? Don't you realize   
that I will never be who I once was? You should leave and go back to your own life."

Bailey stood in the doorway and watched her. Sam continued throwing dishes down on the floor.   
After a minute he heard a sound behind him. He turned and saw Chloe standing there with her eyes   
wide. "Its okay Chloe. She's just blowing off some steam. Go on back up to your room and I will   
take care of her, Okay?" Chloe nodded and Bailey turned back to Sam. She was glaring at him.   
Finally she picked up a vase from the countertop and raised it over her head. Bailey moved to grab   
it just as Sam began to throw it down. He successfully caught it. Setting it down he turned and   
grabbed both of Sam's wrists. She struggled against him for a moment and then fell into his arms,   
crying. "I'm sorry but you would have hated yourself for that one." He said quietly. Gently he led   
Sam into the den and sat down in an overstuffed chair. He pulled her down onto his lap and held her   
while she cried.

After a long time she stopped crying and then started to get up. He let her get up but then held onto   
her hand. She wouldn't look at him. Finally he pulled her back into his lap and softly turned her   
head to look at him. After a moment she finally locked onto his eyes. She couldn't speak and after a   
bit he said. "Did it feel good to get that out?" Sam nodded. "Then I don't mind. I know you Sam, it's   
the medication and the fear and the pain. It's healthier to let go and get it out. It doesn't scare me and   
it shouldn't scare you. You have a lot of strange and destructive chemicals floating around in your   
body. They are going to make you do things you wouldn't normally do. I can accept that. You don't   
need to feel bad about it. Okay?"

Sam laid her head down on his shoulder and nuzzled into his neck. "Thank you for saving the vase.   
Your right, I never would have forgiven myself. It was one of the nicest gifts I ever got from you."

When Bailey and Sam went into the kitchen, they were surprised to find it had already been cleaned   
up. "Oh God, Chloe!" Sam said. Tears forming in her eyes again.

Bailey reached for her as Sam began to run. "Wait Sam. She's okay, but you need to settle down   
first. I told her you were just blowing off some steam. She understands."

"She saw me?" Sam asked visibly shaken.

"No, she just heard you. She was behind me. Sam, I'll go talk to her but don't worry, it wasn't that   
bad. She's more adult than kid these days. I know she understands."

Bailey went to Chloe's room and knocked on the door. He heard some shuffling noises and then the   
door opened. Bailey was surprised to see that Chloe had been crying. He reached down and touched   
her cheek, wiping away a tear. "Chloe, honey why are you crying? I told you she was just blowing   
off steam."

"Okay but, why is she telling you to leave. Why is she trying to drive you away?" Chloe asked,   
starting to cry again.

"Oh Chloe, she doesn't mean it. Honey, She just knows that I am a safe target. She knows I am not   
going to be mad and that I am not going to leave. She is voicing some anger but it isn't really   
directed at me. Chloe, she is at the beginning of a long battle and she is already tired. She is going to   
win but she needs us to give her all the support we can and that includes understanding in her worst   
moments. I know you are scared that she will drive me away, but I swear to you Chloe, I'm not   
going anywhere. I love you and I love Sam and I am here for you always. Okay?"

Chloe nodded and put her arms around Bailey. "I love you too. I missed you so much, I was just   
afraid."

Bailey hugged her back and then took Chloe's hand and looked at it. He had noticed she was holding   
a small cloth in it. Chloe opened it and Bailey saw a small cut on her palm. "Did you do that cleaning   
up?" He asked.

Chloe smiled a little shyly and said "Yes"

"It doesn't look too bad. Lets clean it up a little and I'll put a dressing on it, but do me a favor. Don't   
let Sam know how you did it."

As the days went by Bailey began to notice that Sam's mood swings were beginning to wear thin. He   
understood she didn't have any control over them but he was becoming more frustrated. He finally   
realized that it was not Sam at all but his own frustration that was wearing thin. Even more   
surprising he realized it was a physical frustration that was making him crazy. He came to   
understand that every time Sam had an outburst he would hold her and comfort her. This closeness   
without a release was causing his frustration.

That night Bailey came to Sam's room. She was already in bed and Bailey sat down next to her. He   
looked at her for a long time and then said. "Sam, I know you are tired, but..." He fell silent.

Sam looked at him for a few minutes. When he didn't finish she started to prompt him but there was   
a sudden understanding that he needed something but was afraid to ask. As if it would be asking too   
much. Then it came to her. He needed her. Finally, he was asking for something back. She reached   
out to him and pulled him near. "Bailey, you are asking me if we can make love. I think that is the   
best idea you have had all week. The answer is yes." She kissed him and pulled him closer. "Bailey,   
you have been so wonderful. Please don't be afraid to ask. I'm just so caught up in this craziness that   
I have lost sight of you at times. I'm so sorry."

That night they made love. Sam was very attentive to Bailey's needs and in turn felt very satisfied.

In the morning Bailey woke up when he felt Sam sit down next to him. She was already dressed.   
"Bailey, I need to talk to you."

Confused he said "Okay"

"I loved making love to you last night. I want to do it again tonight, okay?"

Bailey listened carefully. She had a strange tone in her voice. "But?" He managed to say.

Sam was quiet for a moment, weighing her words carefully. "If I tell you this you have to promise   
not to blame yourself and you have to promise you will tell me again if you need me again."

"Sam you are scaring me. I promise. What?"

"Okay, I need you to take me into the hospital for some blood work. I have already talked to Tim   
Gerald and he said that we should not worry."

"Worry about what?" Bailey said getting anxious.

Slowly Sam stood up and pulled up her shirt a little. Bailey's eyes widened and grew very dark.   
There all over Sam's abdomen where small bruises. Bailey realized immediately that each bruise   
correlated to where he had touched her last night. Every bruise was actually a fingerprint he had left   
behind. "Oh my God, Sam. Oh baby, I didn't mean to hurt you." He wanted to hold her but was   
afraid to touch her for fear of hurting her again. He also realized that the bruises she showed him   
were where he had touched her lightly, she must have much worse.

Sam reached out and touched his face. The sadness and pain very evident on it. "It's okay Bailey.   
They don't hurt. You didn't hurt me, okay? Tim just thinks my blood count is out of tilt and that is   
causing me to bruise easily. This is not your fault. You are a very gentle lover."

Bailey took Sam to get her blood work drawn. Dr. Gerald had been right some of Sam's blood   
counts were low. He ordered some new medications and sent her home.

When they got home Bailey went to his room and shut the door. Sam started to follow him but   
stopped. She didn't know what else to say. Sam spent hours trying to figure out what to say to him.   
Nothing came to her but she needed to go to him. She knocked on the bedroom door and waited. It   
was a long minute before Bailey opened the door. "What?" He said quietly.

"Bailey, we need to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about Sam."

"I think there is." She said frustrated. "Bailey please, don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Now you're going to play games too? Bailey, you're blaming yourself for asking for something you   
needed. You have given, and given and only once asked for something in return. Something that you   
needed and so did I. You didn't mean to hurt me. You didn't hurt me Bailey! I'm fine except for not   
being able to get through to you."

Bailey looked at her for a moment and then said "Sam I understand the concept that it is the blood   
count causing the bruising but don't you understand that it is my touch, my love for you and my   
need for you that left each of them behind. Being not intentional doesn't change the fact that what   
was supposed to show you how much I love you, turned in to a painful reminder of how sick you   
are. And that shows me how wrong I was to ask you to make love last night."

The frustration in Sam boiled over. She pushed him back until he fell backwards onto the bed. She   
leaned over him and got very close to his face and started to yell. "Damn it Bailey Malone. I made   
love to you last night because I wanted to and because you needed me. You were not wrong to be   
honest with me but if you start lying to me I will never forgive you and don't forget, hiding is lying   
Bailey. You have made me promise to be honest with you and I expect the same. I am going to say   
this once more and you better be listening. I want you to ask me if you need me!" Seeing the shock   
on his face she stopped yelling and said. "Bailey I promise if I'm not up to it, I'll tell you." Bailey   
laid on his back and stared at Sam. Sam stared back at him until she realized what she had just done.   
"Oh god, are you okay? Sam asked. Bailey nodded.

Sam, stood up, looking completely distraught. She turned around and left his bed room slamming the   
door behind her. He heard her slam her bedroom door too. He was glad that Chloe wasn't home. He   
didn't want to have to explain this episode. Not that he understood all of it himself.

Bailey gave Sam a few minutes and then went to her door. He knocked but didn't give her time to   
say anything. Sam was sitting in the corner of the room with her knees drawn up under her chin. He   
went over and put his hand out. "Okay Sam, lets try this again." Sam looked at him for a minute and   
then took his hand. He pulled her up and led her to the chair. He sat opposite her on the ottoman.   
Bailey was quiet for a minute. Finally he said, "Okay Sweetheart, one thing at a time. First, I know   
you don't have much control over your emotions right now. I also know that you are doing things   
that you would never do without the drugs. I can deal with that, but I will not deal well with physical   
violence. Not again, okay? You want to throw dishes, I don't care. I'll buy you a new set every day   
as long as they are not directed at anyone. Are we clear here?"

"I'm so sorry Bailey!"

"I know, no harm done. Next I will admit that I was pushing you Sam. I know you were trying to   
deal with this and I wasn't cooperating. I'm sorry for that. I'm just having a little trouble dealing   
with the fact that I bruised you. I love you so much that the very thought I might have hurt you is so   
painful I didn't want to deal with it."

Sam reached out and held his hand and said "You know, suddenly I think I know exactly how you   
feel."

Bailey smiled a little and then continued. "Lastly I am interested to know, besides the obvious   
reason, why do you want me to ask you? I think I know why, but I think you need to say it. It   
doesn't change anything but it is important that you see it."

Sam looked perplexed.

"Come on Sam, time to be honest with yourself."

Sam looked a little irritated and frustrated again but considered his question. Finally she said   
"Because it makes me feel desirable and because it gives me the control."

Bailey nodded and smiled. "Sam feeling desirable is very important. I have told you that you are the   
sexiest woman I have ever known but it is important that you feel it, really believe it. But the control   
part, that is the part I was talking about. See, I didn't give you the control. I took it away from you.   
That is why it was wrong, Sam. I don't need or want the control. But you do need it right now. It is   
one of the few things in your life you can control. I knew that if I asked to make love to you, you   
would let me. I took the control away Sam and I already felt guilty before I knew about the bruises.   
That is why I was so upset. Now do you understand?"

"Yes, I do Bailey. But what I have been trying to tell you is I know I haven't been paying attention   
to your needs. I asked you not to let yourself get to thin. I need you to tell me because I may not be   
looking. It isn't as important to me to have control of something as it is to know that you are okay.   
And Bailey, I don't want the control over this. That isn't love and you know it. Making love for us is   
about doing for each other. Please don't ever turn it into a control issue. I don't want that. I can find   
other things to have a little control over but not this, ever again. Okay?"

"Okay Sam, I'll tell you."

Sam leaned forward and lightly kissed him. "I'm so sorry Bailey, I can't believe I pushed you."

"Sam I told you it's okay, as long as it doesn't happen again. I know you're having a hard time   
staying on an even keel. You actually are doing a really good job. But if you have to blow up every   
now and then I'm glad you direct it at me. It tells me you trust me not to walk out and you know that   
I can handle it."

Sam smiled softly "I'm sorry if I've hurt you Bail. I love you!"

Bailey shook his head. "I'm okay Sam, really!"

Sam kissed him again and then moved her hand up his leg. Bailey put his hand over hers and said   
"Not today, please Sam, I can't do this knowing I would leave a mark on you."

"You could just let me do for you this time, you know." She whispered.

Bailey didn't say anything but his eyes pleaded with her.

Sam moved her hand and smiled at him. "Okay Bail. Not today. I understand."

A few evenings later Sam had fallen asleep on the sofa in the den. She awoke and saw Chloe standing   
a few feet away watching her. "Hi, my love" Sam said as she stretched and sat up. "How is my girl   
tonight?"

"I'm okay Momma, I was just wondering about you. How are you doing?"

"I think I am doing pretty well. Why?"

"Because you look so tired. Even when you are asleep and I know you are getting ready to have   
chemo again."

Sam held out her arms and Chloe came and curled up in them. "I am tired, Chlo. But I think I'm   
ready. Once I get it I will be that much closer to being healthy again. I'll be halfway through. I am   
looking forward to being done. I miss being able to be with you more. And I miss going places with   
you."

"Momma?

"Yeah Chloe?"

"I know you give me everything you can right now. Don't worry so much. I know you love me. I'm   
getting everything I need. I promise."

Sam buried her face in Chloe's soft hair and sighed. "I hope so Chloe. You are growing up so fast.   
Before long you will be past needing me."

"Momma, are you past needing your momma?

Sam paused for a moment and then smiled. "No, I guess if mine were still here I would still need   
her. I do still need her. I guess I always will. Thank you Chlo for reminding me you will always   
need me." Sam hugged Chloe tightly and held her for a while.

The night before her second chemo treatment, Bailey was planning a special dinner. He had asked   
Angel to join them and Sam asked Bailey to plan for one more. He asked her who but she wouldn't   
tell him. At five o'clock there was a knock at the door. It was Grace. "Hi Gracie." Bailey said as he   
opened the door. "I was just fixing dinner."

"I know." She said. Bailey raised his eyebrow and she said "Sam called and left me a message to   
come see her and join you for dinner."

"Oh, well, hey, glad to see you. Sam is in the den." He said with a smile and pointed in the direction   
of the den.

Grace stood in the door way of the den. Sam had her back to the door and was looking through some   
CDs. Grace was a little startled by Sam's figure. She had lost weight. She was also overcome by the   
need to hug Sam. Grace took a deep breath and said. "I've really missed you, you know."

Sam swung around and smiled brightly. "I'm so glad you came." The two women rushed to hug.   
Holding on to each other, Sam said. "You've been a good friend, Grace. I know I have hurt you. It   
wasn't intentional, I just needed some time to adjust. Thank you for being here for Bailey."

Grace pulled back a bit and said. "Sam, slow down."

Taking Sam's hand Grace pulled her over to the sofa. "You didn't hurt me Sam. I understand you   
have had a lot to deal with. As long as you knew I was here when and if you wanted that was good   
enough for me. And as for being there for Bailey, I love Bailey and will always be there for him too   
but I knew I was helping you by helping him. The best of both worlds considering the   
circumstances."

Sam smiled and hugged Grace again. "I am very fortunate to have such a good friend."

Sam and Grace talked for about an hour about Jason and Chloe and about how things were going   
with John and George. Finally Sam said "Grace, I called you because I missed you but also because I   
need a favor. I am getting my second dose of chemo tomorrow. I won't be able to talk him into it   
until I am passed the bad effects, but after that I want Bailey to go take some time away. He needs it.   
I was hoping you would come stay with me for a few days. I know he won't leave unless he knows I   
will be taken care of."

"I would love to come spend some time with you."

"Good, I will start talking to him soon. I'd like it if he took Angel and Chloe too. I think they all   
need a break from me."

"Like I said, I'd love to come spend some time with you but I think it will be a cold day in hell if   
you pull it off."

Sam laughed. "You're probably right, but I want to try."

Bailey came to the doorway and said. "Angel is here and dinner is served if you two are ready to   
join us.

The dinner Bailey made was wonderful and everyone enjoyed themselves. Chloe was tired and went   
to bed pretty early but Angel, Bailey, Sam and Grace talked and laughed for hours. It was after ten   
when Angel and Grace left. Bailey was in the kitchen cleaning up when Sam came in. Coming up   
near him she put her hand out and took his. "Come on Bail. You can do that tomorrow."

Bailey smiled and dropped the sponge. He took her hand and followed her to the den. Sam turned on   
the stereo and then turned to Bailey. "I thought maybe we could dance for a while."

Moon River by Henry Mancini was playing. Bailey smiled and folded Sam into him. "I love this." He   
whispered. They held tightly to each other and gently swayed to the music. Soon the world drifted   
away and they were one for a while. When the CD ended they stayed together for a while longer and   
then slowly moved toward the stairs together. Their lovemaking was passionate but gentle and lasted   
most of the night.

In the morning Bailey got up before Sam. She woke up when she felt a soft touch on her cheek.   
Opening her eyes she saw Bailey kneeling down next to the bed with his arm reaching up above her.   
Following his gaze she looked above at his hand. He had a handful of rose petals and was dropping a   
few at a time. Looking around she realized that he had covered the entire bed with a blanket of   
different colored rose petals and in the center of the bed was a small box. Sam took in a deep breath   
and tears came to her eyes. Pulling herself up in the bed she opened her mouth to speak but nothing   
would come out. She finally just moved to hug Bailey. He smiled and said "You know, I think this is   
the first time I have ever seen you speechless. This is kind of fun."

He reached over her and picked up the box from the bed and handed it to Sam. The box was a little   
smaller than a shoe box, covered in royal blue velvet with a golden braided knot for a lock. Slowly   
she untied the knot and opened the box. Inside, on top was a framed picture of Sam, Chloe and   
Bailey all together. She realized the picture had been taken a while ago during an interdepartmental   
softball game. They had been sitting together in the stands watching when someone came by and   
snapped the picture. She smiled and lifted it out of the box. Underneath was a much smaller   
matching box. Sam looked at Bailey. Smiling he said "Go on Sam, open it."

Slowly she took the smaller box out and opened it. Sam bit her bottom lip as the tears started   
flowing freely. Inside was a beautiful engagement ring and a large diamond neckless. She brushed   
her fingers over the box and then turned to Bailey, unable to speak. He put his arms around her and   
held her tightly and then whispered into her ear. "I just wanted to remind you of the future you are   
fighting for again today. You are going to get well Sam and we are going to be a family. I'm here   
for you, Chloe is here for you. You just have to focus on our future and together we are going to   
make this happen."

Sam cried in his arms for several minutes. Finally Bailey gently pulled away and took the smaller   
box from her hand. Taking the ring out of the box he slipped it on her finger. Then he took the   
neckless out and placed it around her neck. "Sam, the neckless is in case you can't wear the ring for   
a while. I wanted you to be able to wear your reminder no matter what." Then he softly kissed the   
nape of her neck. Moving back to her ear he said gently. "I know you already said yes, but I want to   
ask properly. Samantha, will you marry me?"

Sam moved to hug him and then managed to squeeze out the word between her now almost sobs.   
"Yes."

"You are my angel, my future and my heaven. I love you, Sam." He whispered.

At breakfast Sam was surprised when Chloe reached over and touched her new ring but didn't say   
anything, just smiled. "Did you already know about this?" Sam asked.

Chloe nodded and Bailey laughed. "Hey, who do you think helped me mangle all of those beautiful   
roses this morning? By the way, thank you Chloe." He said and reached over and tousled her hair.

Sam laughed and said. "Oh, I get it now. This is a conspiracy."

Chloe giggled and then got up and hugged Sam.

Two hours later Sam and Bailey were on their way to Dr. Gerald's office. "Bailey, I want to talk to   
you." Sam said.

"Okay" Bailey said cautiously.

"I want you to go take some time away soon. I think you need it."

"Sam, I'm just fine. I don't want to take any time away. I want to stay and take care of you."

"I know you are concerned about leaving me, but I have already talked to Grace and she is willing to   
come stay for a couple of days. I want you to go. You need to go!"

Arriving at the hospital, Bailey said. "Look let's talk about this later."

Dr. Gerald examined Sam and then all three of them met in his office. Dr. Gerald said. "Okay Sam,   
you look pretty good for now. I am concerned about one thing though, your weight has dropped ten   
pounds. This is only the first month. Let's face it you don't have extra to lose. I know these   
medications decrease your appetite but I want you to eat even if you are not hungry and I am going   
to prescribe a medication to increase your appetite."

Sam nodded her understanding. Bailey looked a little strange.

After the appointment with Dr. Gerald, Sam and Bailey walked over to the oncology department.   
Bill was waiting for her. "Hi Sam, Hi Bailey. Ready to get another round over with?"

Sam smiled gently and said. "I suppose."

Bill led them back to the far corner and once everyone was ready, he began to look for a vein. It   
took him two trys but he finally managed to get her IV started. "I'm sorry Sam, it sometimes gets a   
bit harder to find the veins as treatment progresses." Bill said.

"Okay." Sam said resignedly

When he was done Bill gave Sam her new medications and explained each of them to her. She had a   
lot more to deal with this time, so Bill suggested she start a notebook and write down everything.

On the way home, Sam and Bailey were quiet for most of the trip. But finally Sam started talking   
again about Bailey taking some time away. He was adamant about not leaving. By the time they   
reached the house the discussion had become an argument. Once inside the house Bailey put his foot   
down. "Sam, I am not leaving you for a couple of days. It is not going to happen. Now drop it!"

"Drop it?" Sam's eyes flashed. "Listen up Bailey Malone, this is still my home and I want you to get   
out. NOW!

Bailey's jaw dropped. He waited a moment and took a deep breath. "Sam, stop, lets not do this."

Sam's eyes were still very angry. "I said get out of my house, Bailey. Don't push me."

Bailey stepped back and looked at Sam for a moment. When she didn't show any signs of backing   
down he turned and opened the door. "You know the number." He said quietly and he shut the door   
behind him.

Sam stared at the door for a moment and then turned toward the kitchen. Chloe was standing in the   
doorway. Sam saw her own eyes mirrored in Chloe. Chloe's anger boiled over. "What is wrong with   
you? You better stop pushing him away because when you die, he and Angel are all I'm going to   
have left." Chloe was crying now as she pushed past Sam and ran out the front door.

Chloe's words stung like fire. Sam wandered into the den and sat down in the overstuffed chair. Her   
tears streamed down her cheeks as she struggled to get a handle on what had just happened. She   
knew she was totally out of control, but why? Where was all the anger coming from? Why had she   
just pushed Bailey away when she knew she was going to need him most? Why now after this   
morning? Chloe's reaction about Bailey didn't surprise Sam but she was upset to know that Chloe   
seemed convinced she was going to die.

Bailey paced up and down the street for a while. When it was apparent Sam wasn't coming out to get   
him he decided to go to the gym and work out. Hard! He was confused. He didn't understand why   
Sam was so angry and why she had kicked him out of the house when she knew how sick she was   
going to be. He was also concerned about Chloe. He didn't realize she was there when Sam had   
insisted he leave but when she ran out of the house behind him he had tried to catch her and talk to   
her but she ran away from him.

Bailey worked out until his muscles were so sore he almost couldn't lift his arms. Finally he went   
home. He hadn't been in his house in weeks. It didn't feel like home anymore and that was all he   
could take. Bailey got in his car and drove to Sam's. He had only been gone for about five hours but   
it felt like years. He used the key Sam had hidden and went inside. Chloe wasn't there. Bailey   
climbed the stairs and went toward Sam's room. She had left the door open and he could hear her   
throwing up and then crying. Unsure of her reaction he slowly walked to the bathroom door. Sam   
was on her knees leaning over the toilet, crying. She didn't realize he was there.

After a moment He moved toward her and put his hand on her shoulder softly.   
Sam jumped a bit and looked up. Seeing him she moved to grab him and pull him to her. "Oh   
Bailey! Oh God, Bailey, I didn't mean it."

Bailey held Sam for a minute before she pulled away and threw up again. When she was quiet again   
Bailey pulled her close again and held her silently. "Bailey, I...."

"Sam, just let it be for now. You don't have the energy to deal with it. Just let me be here for you,   
okay?"

Sam nodded her head and said. "Okay Bailey, but I need you to find Chloe first. She hasn't come   
home yet. She is so mad, I need to know she is okay. Please go find her."

"She hasn't come back?"

"No."

"Okay Sam, I'll find her and then I'll be back." Bailey called Angel's first. Angel told him that Chloe   
had just gotten there and that she had asked to stay the night. Bailey agreed that that was probably   
the best idea for now.

Bailey went back to the bathroom. "She's with Angel, Sam. She's going to stay there tonight." Sam   
was again hunched over the bowl. "Sam, did you take your medicine?"

Sam shook her head a little. "I tried Bail. I just couldn't do it myself."

Bailey shook his head and rolled his eyes. "So rather than call me, you were just going to let   
yourself be this sick?"

"I figured you would be mad."

"I am mad Sam, I don't understand any of this. But I love you and I am here to help you." Bailey   
went to get the medicine and then gave her the shots.

Sam lay on the floor, while Bailey held her head in his lap until the nausea became more tolerable.   
Then he carried her to the bed. He sat beside her and held her hand. Sam had been throwing up for   
four straight hours, she was very weak. She lay still for a long time. Bailey thought she had fallen   
asleep. Slowly he pulled his hand away and started to stand up when Sam opened her eyes. "Please,   
don't go Bailey."

"Honey, I'm not leaving. I just wanted to go open a ginger ale and let it go flat so you can try to   
drink some in a bit. I thought you were asleep."

"I feel too bad to sleep, I was just lying here trying to figure out...."

"Sam, please Honey, spend your energy wisely. Concentrate on feeling better. We will deal with this   
later."

"No Bailey, I can't. I have to tell you a couple of things first."

Bailey sighed and said "Okay Sam."

"Bailey, I know I'm acting crazy. I'm so confused about why, but I have figured out a couple of   
things. I don't even know how to explain this to you or to even sound sincere when I say this now   
but I really do mean this Bail. I love you! I have come to realize that I really love you. Not because   
you love me or because you don't care that I don't have one of my breasts anymore. I love you   
because you are my best friend and because you are a wonderful man and because of so many other   
reasons my heart is overwhelmed. But I pushed you away again today and I had to ask myself why   
and now I think I know. As crazy as this sounds, I think I am afraid of the love I have for you.   
Bailey I know this is unreasonable but I lost the only other man I ever loved like this. I can't go   
through that again. I'm afraid and I guess I wanted you to take some time away to be absolutely sure.   
I want to be sure you will never be sorry."

Bailey had tears in his eyes as he reached out and touched Sam's chin that had begun quivering.   
"Sweetheart, that is the very reason I can't leave you. I already know I want to spend the rest of my   
life with you. And with you being sick, I don't want to give up one minute of our time. I know you   
are a gift to me and we took so long to understand. I do understand your fear Sam. I will never be   
sorry. I know how lucky I am. Please trust me Sam, I have never been more sure about anything in   
my life. But Sam, I still think you have some other problems that we need to deal with. Honey, the   
anger you are showing, all the drugs in the world don't make you angry they just remove the   
inhibitions. You have so much you haven't dealt with. Your mothers death, Jack, killing Jack, your   
guilt over Tom, the cancer and your fear of dying. Geez Sam, I'm surprised you have not shown   
more anger, but it is time to start dealing with it. I think you need to call Greta. I also think you   
need to think about her seeing Chloe too. I'm too close now to help, but if Greta knew what you   
have been going through I know she would come here to do your therapy."

Sam sighed and closed her eyes "Okay Bailey, you're probably right. I'll call her, I promise." Bailey   
leaned down to kiss her forehead. Sam opened her eyes again and looked at him. Finally she said.   
"You do know how sorry I am don't you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just couldn't stop myself." A   
single tear escaped and ran down her cheek and landed on Bailey's hand.

"I know you would never hurt me on purpose Sam. It's okay now. I want you to rest. Everything   
else isn't as important as you saving your energy."

Sam stayed very still but after about an hour she was in the bathroom vomiting again. Bailey held   
her when he could and rubbed her back when he couldn't. After a while Bailey gave Sam some more   
medicine. It would help for a while but then she would go right back to having dry heaves. She also   
started having to go to the bathroom frequently and the medicine seemed to be doing little for the   
growing pain in her abdomen. When the pain got really bad, Sam crawled into Bailey's lap, curled   
up into a ball and buried her face in his shoulder. He held her for a few more minutes and then said   
"Baby, I can't take this anymore. I'm going to call the doctor, I think we need to take you to the   
hospital. This can't be normal."

Bailey used his cell phone to call the doctor and waited for him to call back. After a few minutes he   
realized that Sam was now biting his shirt collar. When she started moaning he gave up on the   
doctor and carried her out to the car. He tried to lay her down on the back seat but she wouldn't let   
go of him. "Okay Baby," he said gently. "you have to let go so I can drive." He finally was able to   
disentangle himself from her but it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He just wanted to hold   
her but he knew she needed more than he go do.

In the emergency department, they gave Sam some much stronger pain medicines and began running   
test. Bailey held her hand and whispered in her ear until she drifted into a fitful drug induced sleep.   
Then he called Angel. When she answered he said "Angel, I'm sorry to wake you but I wanted you   
to know that I brought Sam to the ER."

"What? What is wrong?"

"I don't know yet. They are running tests. She was in awful pain but they have given her something   
now and she is asleep."

"Do you want me to come?"

"I don't know Angel. I think Sam would want Chloe to know and I might have to make some   
decisions here since Sam isn't really with it right now. I think maybe you need to bring Chloe and   
come. I need to talk to her anyway. Do you want me to tell her now?"

"No, I'll do it. We'll see you as soon as we can get there."

By the time Angel and Chloe arrived at the hospital, Sam had spiked a fever. Angel came into Sam's   
room first. When Bailey saw Angel he said "Where is Chloe?"

Angel grimaced a bit and said "She's in the waiting room. She doesn't want to come back here."

Bailey looked surprised then said "Stay with her Angel, I'll be back in a little while."

Bailey walked out to the waiting room. Chloe was sitting in a chair off to the side with her head   
down. Moving toward her, he was suddenly overwhelmed by the pain that she must be feeling. He   
put his arms around her for a minute and then stood up and held out his hand. He led her out of the   
waiting room and out to the parking lot. He opened the back door of the truck and helped her in and   
then sat down beside her, pulling the door closed. As he put his arms around her she broke into sobs.   
He held her until her crying slowed and then he said "Okay Chloe, now we need to talk. I know you   
are afraid. I know Sam is not herself but we have to get a few things straight. First of all, I love you.   
Your mother and I will work things out and we will be together but if that doesn't happen for any   
reason, I will stay apart of your life. I am not going to be chased away. I love both of you too much   
for that. I don't know how to prove that to you. You are just going to have to trust me."

Bailey made Chloe look into his face. "Okay?" Chloe nodded. "Second, I'm not mad but I am   
disappointed in you. You knew she was going to get very sick Chloe, you knew I wasn't going to be   
there. You should have stayed or at least come back. She didn't even know where you were. She   
doesn't need to worry right now. I have to know that I can count on you to care for her if I can't for   
whatever reason. Do you understand?" Chloe's crying had started again but she nodded.

Bailey hugged her to him before he went on. "I won't make you, but I think you should come be   
with her Chloe. She needs to know you are okay. Will you come see her?"

Chloe nodded again and said "How sick is she?"

"I don't know yet Chloe, she was in a lot of pain but they gave her some medicine and she was   
feeling better but she was sleeping. Let's go find out if they know something yet."

Bailey and Chloe walked back to the hospital hand in hand. He slowly led her to Sam's bed. Looking   
down at Sam, Chloe began to cry again. Hearing her crying Sam opened her eyes and tried to focus.   
Chloe leaned down near her ear and said "I love   
you Momma"

Sam nodded almost imperceptibly and whispered quietly "Don't give up on me Baby, I'm not leaving   
you."

Chloe's crying became harder "I'm sorry Momma. I won't, I won't give up. I promise." Sam's eyes   
closed as sleep overtook her again. Bailey put his arms around Chloe and held her.

A little later Dr. Gerald came in. He went over to Sam and gently picked up her hand. Then he   
looked over at Bailey, Angel and Chloe. "Hi, sorry it took so long. Okay, I think we have figured   
out the problem. Sam seems to have an intestinal infection. I think that her lowered immune system   
has allowed this to occur. I'm going to keep her in the hospital tonight and put her on some   
antibiotics and pain medications. I'll order a private room so you can stay with her, but I want her   
comfortable so I am going to keep her pretty sedated today. This kind of infection can be very   
painful." Dr. Gerald looked down at Sam and brought his hand up to rub her forehead briefly. "It's   
hard to believe I have know her for twenty-six years." He looked up at Bailey and smiled. "She was   
the first girl I ever kissed. She has been a wonderful friend. Don't worry, I'm going to do   
everything possible for her. I promise."

Bailey's eyes widened for a moment and then he smiled back. "She said you were an old friend, I   
didn't realize you were that close."

Dr. Gerald's smile got broader. "That was a long time ago. We were just kids. But she has been   
wonderful to me and my wife. It is nice to have childhood friends when you need someone. I am   
glad she came to me. I am honored to be able to help her."

Bailey put out his hand. "Thank you Dr. Gerald. Thanks for everything."

Dr. Gerald took Bailey's hand and shook it. "Please call me Tim, and you're welcome. By the way,   
I'm sorry you had to wait for me tonight. I'm glad you brought her on in. I'm going to give you my   
personal number. You can call me directly and get me anytime, Okay?"

After a short while they moved Sam to her room. She woke briefly when they moved her to the   
other bed but fell right back to sleep. Chloe crawled into bed next to Sam and put her arms around   
her. Bailey took a seat next to the bed and held Sam's hand again. Angel fell asleep on the cot. After   
a bit Bailey realized Chloe was whispering something. "Chloe, Honey, maybe you ought to just let   
her sleep for now. You can tell her anything you want later, Okay?"

Chloe looked over at Bailey and smiled shyly. "I wasn't talking to Momma. I was asking God to take   
away her pain and make her better."

Bailey looked a little shocked at first and then smiled and leaned forward to take Chloe's hand   
making a circle of love around Sam. "I think that is a wonderful idea, Chloe. Do you mind if I pray   
with you?"

Several hours later Sam awoke. She looked down at Chloe sleeping in her arms and then over to   
Angel on the cot. Finally she moved her gaze to find Bailey. He was looking back at her and   
immediately got up and bent over her. "Hi Sweetheart." He said. "You're okay Sam. You have an   
infection. The nurse has already gone to get you some pain medicine. It will only be a few minutes."   
Sam nodded and closed her eyes.

Late that evening Dr. Gerald came by to check on Sam. He gave her a brief exam and then looked   
over to Bailey. "How is she doing, Bailey?" He asked.

Bailey looked down at Sam and then back to Dr. Gerald. "She only woke up for a minute or so this   
morning. You know Tim, Sam would hate this. Isn't there anyway to kill the pain and not make her   
nearly unconscious."

Dr. Gerald looked down at Sam and then back to Bailey. "If I lessen the medications, She will be   
more awake but then I can only dull the pain, not stop it.."

Bailey looked at Angel and waited. Finally Angel nodded and Bailey picked up Sam's hand. "I think   
that she would prefer to be awake more. She and Chloe need time right now. If it gets too much for   
her, we can go back to this. Okay?"

Dr. Gerald looked back down at Sam and nodded. "I'll change the orders. She will start waking up a   
bit soon then. Please let the nurse know if she gets too uncomfortable. It will take the antibiotics   
several days to make a significant difference. I'll come back in the morning. But, if you need me,   
call me.

Bailey and Angel held Sam's hands and hoped they had made the right decision for her. When she   
started to wake, she moaned a bit but then opened her eyes. Looking at both of them she smiled and   
then looked for Chloe. Chloe was sitting on the end of the bed. When Sam's eyes fell on her, Chloe   
moved up the bed carefully so as to not jar her. When she was close to Sam's shoulder, Sam put out   
her hand and reached for Chloe, pulling her down beside her. "How is my Baby Girl?"

Bailey and Angel smiled at each other and slipped quietly out of the room.

"Momma, Bailey said to tell you that if you hurt to bad, that you can have more medicine but that he   
decided you needed to be awake right now. He said you would know why."

Sam was quiet for a moment and then put her arms around Chloe. "He's right, I want to be awake."   
She was quiet for a while and then said slowly, almost in a whisper. "Chloe, I love you. You are the   
most important person in my life. I know I have worried you lately. I've worried myself lately, but   
I am going to deal with all this and we going to get through it." Sam took a deep breath and   
continued. "Baby, I am doing everything I know how to do to get well for you. I am not going to lie   
down and give up. You and Bailey and Angel are the main reasons I am fighting so hard." Sam   
paused for a moment, considering her words carefully. "I promise that I have made sure you will   
always have someone who will love you and care for you." Chloe began to cry. Sam tightened her   
arms around her. "Chlo, I know this is scary for you. I don't blame you for being angry but I want   
you to know that I love you anyway and that I won't leave you if I can help it." Sam leaned down   
and kissed her head and lingered there for a moment, taking in the wonderful feel and smell of the   
light of her life. She held Chloe for hours, talking about memories, happy times, and even not so   
happy times. The nurse came in once to ask her if she needed some medicine. But Sam waved her   
away before she even opened her mouth.

Sometime around five o'clock in the morning Chloe, who was still lying in Sam's arms with her   
head on Sam's chest, began to grow quiet. Looking down Sam could see that Chloe wasn't asleep.   
"What are you thinking about Chlo?"

Chloe shook her head a little and said "I was listening to your heartbeat Momma, and thinking that I   
am sorry I hurt your heart today." Tears came to Chloe's eyes again and when she spoke again her   
voice was hoarse. "I'm not angry at you Momma, I'm angry at the cancer, I'm frustrated to watch   
you fight it and I was afraid that you would stop. With all my heart I want you to get better and for   
us to make a family with Bailey. I know he loves us and I know you love him."

Sam grimaced a bit and pulled her legs up a little. Turning to face Chloe a little more she cupped her   
face in her hand and lifted gently until their eyes met. "Chlo, I love Bailey with all my heart, I   
wasn't really mad at him today. I'm just dealing with a lot of anger in general. Bailey and I are   
okay." Sam paused for a moment and then said. "You know Chlo, I've never asked you how you felt   
about it. I have always assumed that this is what you wanted. I am glad to know I wasn't wrong   
about it." Chloe smiled and snuggled in closer to Sam. Sam held Chloe for a bit longer and then said   
"Baby, I'm sorry, I need some medicine now. I'm going to call the nurse but I don't want you to get   
up, okay?"

By the time the nurse came with the medicine, Sam's pain was pretty apparent again. She watched as   
the nurse gave her the medicine and then asked her to find Bailey. "That won't be too hard, he is   
sitting right outside the door." The nurse said.

When Bailey came in he leaned down over Sam and Chloe and gently kissed Sam's forehead, then   
tousled Chloe's hair. He looked down at them for a moment, then shook his head slightly and said. "I   
love my girls." Chloe giggled a little and Sam closed her eyes. Finally Bailey leaned down very close   
to Sam's ear andwhispered. "You did good Sam, she's okay now. Go to sleep. We're right here for   
you."

Sam slept for about an hour. When she woke up she hugged Chloe to her again and then said. "Okay   
Angel, time to take my little girl home and put her to bed. She has had a long night."

Chloe started to protest then looked at Sam and smiled. "Okay Momma, but I'll be back later."

Sam smoothed down some of Chloe's hair and then said "I wouldn't have it any other way. I love   
you Chlo."

When Angel and Chloe were gone Bailey moved to sit on the side of the bed. Caressing her face and   
neck he smiled down on Sam. She quickly fell back to sleep and Bailey moved back to his chair.

When Sam woke a little while later she looked very distressed. She looked at Bailey and finally asked   
softly. "Would you go take a walk for a while, Bail?"

Startled by the sudden request he said "Sam, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Bailey, I just need you to take a walk." Seeing the confusion on his face and knowing that   
he wasn't leaving without an explanation, she finally looked away embarrassed and said. "Bail, I   
need you to go now so that the nurse can give me a bath."

Bailey's eyebrows knitted together for a moment and then a look of realization came to his face. "Ah   
Sam, Honey, I'll get you cleaned up."

"No Bailey, just go please." She said close to tears.

Realizing this wasn't the time to argue with her, he gave her a loving look and ran his hand through   
her hair. "Okay, I'll be back."

When he returned Sam was in a clean gown, with clean sheets. Even her hair had been brushed. She   
had her eyes closed but when he sat down she opened them briefly. He smiled at her and she looked   
away. Bailey moved the chair as close to the bed as he could and leaned down to lay his head next to   
hers. Resting his forehead against hers he was quiet for a minute. Then he started to whisper to her.   
"Sam, my love, you are being too hard on yourself again. Honey, you are very sick. You can't   
control what is happening right now. Don't even try. Just look forward and know that you will get   
better. I love you so very much and I want to take care of you. So, from now on, I don't care if you   
need help every twenty minutes. I get to help. It is my privilege and I am not giving it up." A single   
tear ran down her cheek and landed on the pillow between them. But she was quiet.

Sam's next few days were hard. Her pain was great but she refused any kind of sedation and only   
took the pain medicine when she had to. Bailey stayed by her side and touched her and helped her   
when he could. On the third day Sam was taken to the operating room to have a special IV port put   
in. She had become very dehydrated and her arm veins had become weak and eventually too hard to   
locate. When she returned from surgery she was asleep. When she finally woke up she was surprised   
to find that she was alone with Chloe. Chloe was curled up next to her and Sam somehow had   
already put her arms around the little girl. Sam cleared her throat a little and Chloe said "I love   
you." Sam smiled softly and drifted back to sleep.

When she woke again Dr. Gerald was standing over her calling her name gently. "Hi there." He said   
with a smile. "Tell me how you are feeling today."

Sam gave him a tiny smile. "Hi Tim. Mostly weak."

He nodded a little. "Sam, I need to talk to you. I have already talked with Bailey and Angel but they   
felt you were capable of making a decision so they wanted to know what you wanted."

Sam looked at him a little wary. "Okay?"

"Sam you are still losing weight. I don't like it. With this infection you haven't eaten in days. Not   
that you could tolerate it anyway but I think the time has come to intervene. I want to give you a   
temporary feeding tube and start you on a high calorie liquid that I think you can tolerate."

Sam shook her head violently. "No!"

"Sam you can't continue to loose weight and be strong enough to fight through two more   
treatments."

"I said no. I will drink it if you say I need it, but no tube."

Dr. Gerald gently put his hand on her shoulder. "Sam, this stuff is not meant to be swallowed. It   
doesn't have a flavor to help get it down and it requires you take quite a bit. Please let me do this. I   
promise, it will only last for a few days."

Sam's eyes got very big and she looked determined. "Tim, I understand the idea. I will manage to   
get it down, but no tube. Not even for a day."

Sighing he said "Okay Sam, we will try it your way but if it doesn't work. Then we do it mine.   
Deal?"

Sam nodded and then said. "Thank you Tim."

When Bailey came back in, he looked at Sam and frowned. Sam looked back and finally said. "I   
know Bailey, you don't understand, but I just can't do that. I told him I would drink it, and I will,   
but I just can't let him put down a feeding tube."

"Will you at least tell me why?" He asked trying hard to understand.

Sam was quiet for a minute. She looked down at her hands and finally back to him. "Because." She   
paused for a moment and then went on looking very close to tears again. "That was the very last   
procedure that they did to my mother before she died."

Bailey felt his heart breaking. Taking a deep breath, he moved close to her and then encased her in   
his arms. "Okay Sam. No tube. We will figure out how to get this stuff down. Whatever it takes."

When the nurse brought the bottle and a cup, Sam and Bailey stared at it. It was a pretty large bottle   
and Sam had to drink four a day. Sam looked at Bailey and he reached to pour some into the cup.   
Bringing it to her mouth she took a sip and gagged. Sighing loudly she took the cup from him and   
took a large swig. Fighting to swallow she finally managed and then looked back at him and shook   
her head. "This isn't going to be a picnic."

Bailey laughed. "Okay Sam, I promise, by time for the next bottle, I will find a way to make this   
easier."

Later that day Bailey excused himself for a while. Before he left Sam giggled and asked him. "What   
do you have up your sleeve Bailey Malone?"

"You'll see. I think it will make everything easier." He said smiling.

He was gone for a couple of hours. When he came back he poked his head in the room and said.   
"Hey you, close your eyes."

Sam giggled and said. "Oh come on I want to see."

"Nope, close them or I won't bring them in.

Sam sighed teasingly and said "Okay" then put her hand up in front of her face with all of her   
fingers spread.

Bailey laughed and said. "Come on. Play nice." Sam giggled again and closed her eyes. "Now you   
have to give me a minute and no peeking." There were some strange sounds and finally he said   
"Okay, now you can open them."

Opening her eyes, Sam gasped. Covering the far wall facing her bed was a picture of Chloe hugging   
Sam. It was one that had been taken last Christmas. Both looked so happy and Sam looked healthy.   
Also in front of her was a cup full of straws with different pictures of Chloe and Bailey making   
funny faces. Sam giggled again and tilted her head a little. "Perfect!" She said. "I can't think of a   
better reason to drink this junk."

Bailey smiled broadly, pleased with himself. "That isn't the best part. Try drinking with the straws."

Sam grinned and gave him a sly look. She picked up a straw with a picture of Chloe and put it in the   
cup and took a sip. The straw started to giggle with Chloe's voice. Sam almost choked and then   
giggled herself. "Where in the world did you get these?"

Bailey shrugged. "I have a friend that owed me some favors."

Sam tilted her head again and gave him a very loving look. "Looks like they were pretty big favors."

Bailey shrugged and smiled "What can I say. Your worth it to me. Anything to make   
it better."

Sam was ready to go home a couple of days later. Bailey took the picture off the wall at the hospital   
and plastered it to Sam's bedroom wall at home. Although Sam was still struggling to drink the high   
calorie liquid she was managing to get it down. Her energy level improved some too and after   
several days at home she felt pretty good.

End of part six   
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Hair Bows, Chicken Pox and Bare Feet

Hair Bows, Chicken Pox and Bare Disclaimer: Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia Saunders and Stephen   
Kronish. And in part to Court TV now I think. Thank you God!!!!! At least they are treating it   
with the respect that it deserves. No copyright infringement intended. Thank you too to the   
incredible actors that brought these characters to life and gave them a soul.

Classification: SBR

Rated: PG 13

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. This is Chapter   
7, following "Heaven and Hell".

Special Thanks: Two minds don't think the same way? NOT! And only you know that best.   
ILYM! Never in the Dark alone. Hugs for my Angels. Keep pushing it will come.   


'Hair Bows, Chicken Pox and Bare Feet'   
Chapter Seven   
By Tarrant

One evening Sam was laying on the couch after dinner talking to Chloe and flipping through a   
magazine when Bailey came in from the kitchen. She leaned up a bit so that Bailey could come   
and   
sit at the end and hold her head in his lap. As the three talked and giggled, Bailey unconsciously   
began to run his fingers through Sam's hair. After a moment he stopped and looked down at his   
hand. There, tangled in his fingers, was a clump of Sam's hair. He stared at it for a moment and   
then rolled it into a ball. Making a fist around it, he gently pushed Sam up and said "Excuse me."   
He made a beeline to his room and shut the door behind him.

After a few minutes Sam knocked on the door. When he didn't answer she slowly opened it.   
Bailey was sitting on the side of the bed with his back to the door, looking down into his hand. As   
Sam approached him, he made a fist around the ball again and blinked several times to try to clear   
the tears that were threatening to fall. Kneeling down in front of him she gently opened his hand.   
Seeing the ball she let him close his fist again and looked up into his eyes. Softly she said. "I   
noticed this morning. It was just a matter of time, Bail."

He nodded and pulled her to him, burying his face in her hair. "I know, I was just hoping."

Sam tightened her arms around him. "I'm sorry Bail. I tried to be gentle with it and take care of   
it for you."

Bailey pulled back from Sam and looked into her face. "For me?"

Sam nodded and said. "Yes, of course for you. I know you love my hair Bailey."

Bailey shook his head and pulled her to him again. "Sam, I love you. I know your hair will grow

back. I thought you would be upset."

Sam looked a way for a moment and then shrugged. "I am, but I have had a couple of months to   
get used to the idea. It hurts, but I have been through worse. At least I know it is only   
temporary. "She was quiet for a minute and searched his face. Finally she looked satisfied.   
Taking a deep breath she smiled softly and looked into his eyes.

"You really donut care about this either, do you?"

Bailey slowly shook his head. Never breaking eye contact with her. "I love you Sam. As long as   
I   
have you, I don't care."

Over the next few days Sam's hair came out in large clumps. She carefully gathered it and kept it   
in a plastic bag. When most of it was gone she gave the bag to Bailey and he put it in his dresser   
drawer. "I just wanted you to be able to touch it if you wanted." She had told him.

That night Bailey came to Sam's room. Crawling into bed, he snuggled up to her and gently put   
his hand up to touch her scalp. Even with the tender touch, Sam jumped a little. Then she   
giggled.   
"Boy, is that a strange sensation."

Bailey moved his hand away and said. "Is it okay?"

Sam nodded and said "Hmmmm, kinda feels nice."

Bailey smiled and tenderly kissed her scalp. Sam mummered again. He moved to her ear and   
whispered. "I like having someplace else to touch you for a little while. It's very sexy."

The next afternoon, Sam nearly fell out of her chair when she saw Chloe. Bailey and Chloe had   
gone out to shop but when they came back Chloe was completely bald. Trying to keep her temper

under control, Sam grabbed Bailey's hand and dragged him up the stairs. Shutting the bedroom   
door she took a deep breath and hissed. "What the hell happened? Why is my daughter bald?"

Bailey put his hands up and said. "Hey, this was her idea."

Sam's anger was starting to get the better of her. Through gritted teeth she said. "You better   
come   
up with a better answer than that, and quickly Bailey. You had to have known."

Bailey moved closer to her and gently put his hands on her upper arms. "Okay Sam, your right.   
I   
did know. But I decided that she needed me to go along with it. Sam, she wanted to make a stand   
of solidarity with you, but she knew you would be mad. She needed me to approve." He felt her   
relax a bit. "Sam, it will grow back and she did it to prove to you how much she loves you. She   
even paid for it herself. Honey, don't be angry. It is one of the sweetest acts of love I can think   
of."

Sam softened a little. Shaking her head in disbelief she said "I can't believe she did that."

"Sam go talk to her. She loves you. She wants you to know that."

Sam looked a little confused. "I do know that."

Bailey cupped her face in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. "Sam, she is trying to   
support   
you the only way she knows how. She is still a little girl who feels just as out of control as you   
do.   
Accept this gift."

Sam stared at him for a minute and then slowly she nodded several times. Not particularly happy.

In a little while, Sam knocked on Chloe's door. "Come in."

Chloe was lying on the bed reading a book. Sam sat down on the floor in front of her. Gently   
she   
reached up and caressed Chloe's scalp. She felt Chloe shiver a little. "Feels strange doesn't it?"

"Yeah!" Chloe said shyly.

Sam tilted her head and studied Chloe's face. Finally she said "Thank you Chlo. It was very   
sweet   
of you."

"You're not mad?"

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head. "I loved your hair, but I know why you did it. And just

like mine, it will grow back. In the meantime, we have something to share. I like that idea."   
Sam   
smiled softly and gently pulled Chloe off the bed and into her lap. Again she began to caress   
Chloe's scalp and then spoke so softly Chloe almost had to strain to hear her. "When you were a   
very little girl, just a baby really, you only had the softest peach fuzz. So blonde you couldn't   
even see it. But I knew it was there. And every night before I tucked you in to bed I would hold   
you and brush my cheek against it. It felt so good, so soft, and you smelled so sweet. Every night   
I would hold you as long as I could. I didn't ever want to put you down. But finally your daddy   
would come to hold you and I would have to let you go. He loved you so much, Chloe." Sam   
leaned her cheek against Chloe's head and then said. "I love you so much. You are the light of   
my life and what you did for me, makes me love you even more. So, no, I'm not mad. You have   
become a wonderful, loving young lady. I could never have asked for more."

A few days later Sam and Bailey were sitting together on the sofa in the den talking quietly when   
they were both startled by Bailey's cell phone's ringing. It seemed like months since it had rang   
and it caught them both by surprise. They looked at each other and then giggled. Bailey   
struggled to disentangle himself from Sam and then reached for the phone. "Malone!" He said as   
Sam giggled again. It seemed so out of character now. But Bailey's suddenly serious face made   
Sam quiet. Bailey was quiet for a long time glancing at Sam off and on and finally he sighed and   
put his hand up to wipe over his face. Obviously irritated he said. "Yeah okay, but I have some   
things to do first. "He was quiet again but then almost shouted into the phone. "I said okay, but it   
will be on my time schedule this time, got it?" Bailey slammed his phone shut and looked at Sam.   
"I have to go work a case." Bailey looked miserable. "Sam, if it were anyone else, I wouldn't go,   
but..."

Sam gave him a soft loving look and reached up to touch his brow. "Let me guess, Casper."   
Bailey looked gloomy, and Sam continued to caress his brow. "It's okay Bailey, I know you   
don't really have a choice. He calls, you have got to go. Where do you have to go anyway?"

Bailey looked grim and said "Idaho. I don't like this, I don't want to go."

Sam put her arms around him and pulled him close. "I know you don't, but you need to. He   
doesn't call unless it is necessary and unavoidable. The world didn't stop because I got cancer   
Bailey. Our's did for a while, or at least it seems that way, but the rest didn't. This is maybe a   
good thing, time to get back in step with the real world. Besides Greta and I have some work to   
do here and Chloe is going back to school soon." Bailey still seemed uncomfortable with the idea   
so Sam said. "Okay, Bailey, I'll make you a deal. You go do whatever it is he wants, I'll even   
help if I can, but if I need you for any reason, Casper can go to hell and you can come back to   
me. Okay?"

Bailey nodded and he and Sam clung to each other for a while longer. Then Sam pushed Bailey   
back and said. "Go on now, the faster you get it done, the quicker you are back here."

Bailey leaned back over to Sam with a little grin and nuzzled her neck a bit. "I have to go take a   
shower and get dressed. I could use a little help."

Sam giggled. "I can't think of a better way to send you back to work."

Sam's energy level these days was low. But when it came to Bailey, she always managed to find   
the   
strength. As they made love, Sam tried hard to memorize every touch and drew strength from   
his   
closeness. She was being brave about it, but the truth was she would give anything for him to stay

with her. After Bailey left, Sam was tired and depressed. She went to bed for a while. She had   
only been asleep about two hours when the phone rang.

Sleepily she answered. "Hello"

"I just wanted to tell you I love you and I miss you already." Sam smiled when she heard Bailey's

warm and loving voice. "I'm going to be miserable until I can hold you again, you know that   
don't   
you?"

Sam yawned and murmured a little, "Me too, Bail. Do me a favor, don't dottle. I want you back   
as soon as possible. This house feels very lonely without you. Where are you anyway?"

Bailey gave a little embarrassed cough, and then almost whispered. "At the airport. I didn't want   
to get on the plane until I heard your voice again."

Sam giggled softly, "I'm pretty attached to you too. I love you Bailey, now go to work and I   
don't   
want to hear from you until you land at least."

Bailey was quiet for a moment, and then said softly, "Sam, I sorry, I didn't want to leave."

"I know. I'm okay Bailey. But I won't forget our deal. I'll call if I need you, I promise. Bye   
Sweetheart!" Sam laid the phone next to her and a tear escaped her. She was well aware of the   
quiet house and the fact that she was alone for the first time in weeks.

It was close to dinnertime when Chloe got home. When she saw that Bailey's jeep wasn't in the   
driveway and Sam was alone, she looked suspiciously at Sam and said. "Where is Bailey?"

Sam had to smile a bit. Then she softly ran her hand over Chloe's cheek "It's okay Chlo, he got a   
call and had to go back to work for a while. He's going to call you the minute he gets a chance,   
but   
he couldn't wait for you to get home.

Chloe relaxed a bit and then looked deep into Sam's eyes, "You okay?"

Sam nodded and then smiled broadly and giggled, "Yeah, except that now I have to learn to cook   
again."

Chloe giggled and stuck out her tongue. "Good thing I like pizza."

Sam giggled again and then playfully grabbed Chloe. "Oh you are getting just to smart for your   
own good." She tickled and hugged Chloe and then got quiet. Finally she said. "Chlo, Bailey and   
I   
were talking about something this morning. We wanted to talk to you together about it but, since   
he isn't here and the look on your face a few minutes ago tells me now is the right time, lets go sit   
and talk for a while, Okay?"

Sam gently led Chloe to the den and they curled up on the sofa together. Sam was quiet for a   
while, looking for just the right words. "Chloe, all his life, your daddy wanted to have children.   
And when he found out about you, I thought his heart would burst from pride. The first time he   
saw you, I knew the love he had for you because it was written all over his face. He loved you   
more than he loved anything else in this world, even me. And that is the way it should be. But he   
is gone, and I know you miss having him in your life. I know that you are afraid of loosing the   
only other father you have ever had. So Bailey and I have been talking." Sam paused and   
recollected her thoughts. She was so nervous. Chloe looked Sam in the eye but just waited. Sam   
took a deep breath and then said. "Bailey and I have never done anything in the right order. I love   
him and he loves me but I can't and won't marry him until I am healthy. It isn't fair to him. But   
he loves you so much and wants you not to be afraid anymore. So, he wants to know if he can   
adopt you? That way Chlo, you will be his child, no matter what ever happens. How do you feel   
about that?"

Chloe was quiet. Sam tightened her arms around her daughter and then buried her face in the   
young girls neck. When several minutes went by and Chloe still didn't say anything Sam said.   
"This is your decision Chloe, and you need to know that whatever you decide will be okay with   
me and with Bailey. He loves you, and only wants you to be happy. It will not change the way he   
feels about you, or the fact that he will always be here for you. I also think that you should know,   
I have given this a lot of thought, it wasn't an easy for me to face this but I think that it is   
important for you to know how much Bailey loves you and I feel confident that your daddy would   
want you happy and comfortable too. Your daddy knew Bailey, and liked him very much. He   
trusted Bailey and I know this would be okay with him." Sam lifted Chloe a bit and moved her   
where Sam could easily see her face. Chloe stared at the floor and then closed her eyes. Chloe's   
quiet was starting to worry Sam. "Okay Chloe, I know, this is big time stuff. I am not pushing   
for an answer. I won't accept one this soon anyway. But I would like to know that you are   
okay."

After another minute or so, Chloe opened her eyes and looked at Sam. "Are we going to order   
pizza or not?"

Startled, Sam's jaw dropped a bit and her eyes searched Chloe's face. There wasn't a hint on it   
that   
Chloe had heard a word Sam had said. "Chlo?"

"Sausage and mushroom is good with me."

Several seconds went by and then Sam said again "Chlo?" Chloe didn't respond. Finally Sam   
gently but firmly grasped her chin and moved her face where she had to look at Sam. "Chloe? I   
know this is a shock to you but now you have me worried. I love you Chloe. I only want to   
make sure you are happy. Please tell me you are okay with me bringing this up."

Chloe blinked and then looked into Sam's face again. Finally she said. "I love you momma. I   
just   
don't want to talk about it anymore."

Sam nodded without really understanding. "Okay." Then she pulled Chloe close to her again and   
held her quietly for a while.

Sam couldn't help wonder if she had made a huge mistake talking to Chloe. It weighed heavily on

her mind all evening. Chloe seemed oblivious to Sam's concern and when she went to bed she   
turned down Sam's offer to tuck her in.

Sam lay awake and tossed and turned in her bed. When the phone rang, she nearly jumped but   
realizing the time she knew it had to be Bailey.

"Hello?"

"Hi" he whispered. "I miss you."

Sam was quiet for a moment as she fought hard for control. Finally losing the battle the tears slid

down her cheeks.

"Sam? What is it?" Bailey sounded as though he was going to come right through the phone to   
comfort her.

"I miss you too."

"Is that the reason you are crying, Sam?" Bailey didn't sound convinced.

Sam sighed loudly, "No, but I miss you."

"Tell me Sam, what is it?"

"Will you just talk to me for a while Bailey? I don't want to think. I wish you were here. I want   
to make love to you and forget everything else in the world."

"Sam, do I need to come home? You know I will."

"No Bailey, it will be okay. Greta will be here in the morning. I'll deal with it then. Just talk to   
me."

Bailey was quiet for a moment and then whispered. "What are you wearing, Sam?"

Sam smiled in the dark. "A new red teddy with garter belt and stockings. Is this going to be an   
obscene phone call?" Then she giggled.

"I was hoping so."

Sam giggled again. "What are you wearing. Bailey?"

Bailey laughed "Nothing."

******************

When Greta arrived in the morning she and Sam sat in the kitchen and shared a pot of coffee.

Sam explained what had happened the night before.

"Sam, I'm not worried. Chloe just has a lot to consider. But if she wants, we will talk about it   
later. I think you handled it as best you could have considering the subject matter and the fear she

has now of your death. Tell me what else you have been thinking about."

**************

When the phone rang about four, Chloe rushed to grab it. "Hello?"

"Hey there Kido? How is my girl?" Bailey said.

"Fine. Hang on a minute." She handed Sam the phone. "I'm going to Andrea's. I'll see you   
later."

Sam looked at Chloe for a minute and then nodded. "Hello?"

"Sam?"

"Oh shit! Bailey?"

"Sam, what is going on?"

"What did you say to her?" Sam asked in an accusing tone.

"All I said was hey there kido, how is my girl. You want to tell me what is going on there,   
please?"

"Oh God Bailey, I wish I knew. I think I made a huge mistake and I can't figure out how to deal   
with it." Sam sighed and then said. "Bailey, I talked to her last night about the adoption idea."

"And?"

"And she won't discuss it, and now she doesn't even seem to want to talk to you. Bailey, I thought

about it hard before I talked to her. I think we both agreed it was the right thing to give her the   
option. I wish now I had waited for you before I brought it up, but you should have seen her face

when she thought I had kicked you out again."

"Okay Sam. Let me just think for a few minutes." Sam was quiet for a few minutes and then her   
tears began again. "Sam, are you crying again?" Bailey asked gently.

Sam took a deep breath. "I'm so tired Bailey."

Bailey understood immediately that Sam didn't just mean physically. "Sam, give me just two   
more   
days if you can and I'll be done. Or, do I need to come now?

Sam was quiet again for a minute. Her tears flowing freely. Finally she said, "No, I can hold on.   
But I do think I am going to call Grace."

"Sam," Bailey said hesitantly. "Grace is here with me. Can you call Angel?"

Sam's voice sounded very small. "No Bail. I don't want to take her away from Chloe if she   
decides to talk to her. Just hurry, please."

"Sam, I know this is hard. Hang on Baby. You are trying so hard I know. Things are going to   
get better and I love you with all my heart. Go lay down, and it will look better when you get   
up. Call me then okay?"

Sam laid down and used some old relaxation exercises to fall asleep. She slept for several hours   
but   
then woke with a start when she felt a hand on her face. In the dark she could only see a shadow   
that was too large to be Chloe. She started to feel afraid when she heard the voice. "Shhhhh Sam,

honey, its only me." Bailey sat on the edge of the bed and continued to caress her face. "I can't   
stay long, but John has it under control long enough for me to come be sure you're okay."

"You came home just to check on me?" Sam asked as the tears again fell freely.

Bailey gathered her in his arms and held her so tightly she knew this was no dream. "Baby, I   
came   
home to take care of the most important thing in my life. My family. I love you so much." He   
held her for a while and then said. "Okay, where is Chloe? I want to talk to her if I can."

Bailey called Andrea's and asked Chloe to come home. While he waited, he held Sam. He could   
feel her drawing energy again and he gave her all he could.

Chloe came to Sam's bedroom door. She could see little in the dark but could tell that Bailey was   
holding Sam. She started to walk away when Bailey said. "Chloe, Honey, come here, please."

Bailey put his arms out and pulled Chloe into bed between Sam and himself. "Chloe, I can't stay   
long. I came home to check on you both. Your Mom tells me that she talked to you last night and   
it upsets us both that you don't seem to want to tell us what you are thinking. Honey, we are not   
trying to force your answer. But, we get the feeling there is a bigger issue we have missed."

Chloe was quiet. Bailey could feel Sam tensing up and moved his hand to her lip. Then caressed   
her face again. Finally Chloe said. "I love you very much, I want you to be my father but what I   
really want is something I can't have."

When Chloe stopped talking, Bailey waited a minute and then said. "What is it that   
want Chloe?"

Chloe began to cry. Both Sam and Bailey put their arms around her. When she spoke again her   
voice was but a movement of air. "I want to know that momma isn't going to die, and I want you   
to marry. I don't just want a father. I want a family. I need my momma too. I don't care if I   
will not be alone if she dies, it won't be her and you together."

Sam couldn't find a voice. She didn't know what to say anyway but she knew she couldn't have if   
she did. Bailey leaned down near Chloe and tenderly kissed her forehead. "Chloe, I can't make   
that fear leave right now. Not even for myself. But we are going to work hard on overcoming   
that, Okay? We just all need to have faith that things are going to work out. But I can tell you   
one thing, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I have a family. We are a family Chloe. Look   
around you. See, we are all here together. Loving each other, sharing. I'm scared, Sam is   
scared, but life is one scare after another. Chloe we just wanted you to know that I am here.   
Always. It doesn't change the fact that we are already family and I am not asking just in case   
Sam dies." Bailey paused as his voice broke. "I am asking because I want, very much to be   
known to the rest of the world as your father."

Bailey fell silent, Sam and Chloe were crying. They lay together until both Sam and Chloe   
stopped. It was very late when Bailey's phone rang. He talked to John briefly and then turned to   
Sam and Chloe. "I have to go. Are you both okay?" Sam and Chloe nodded tiredly. "I love you   
guys!" Bailey slipped out of bed and put his jacket on. "I'll be home as soon as I can. I promise.   
You two take care of each other."

When Bailey was gone, Chloe started to get up but Sam pulled her in close. "Stay here tonight,   
okay? I want you close." Chloe nodded and snuggled up to Sam.

In the morning, while Sam slept, Chloe lay with her head on Sam chest and listened to the sounds   
of her heartbeat and breathing. After a while she heard Sam whisper. "You awake?" Chloe   
nodded slightly, reluctant to move away from the comforting sound. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, momma." She said not moving.

Sam hand moved slowly until she was caressing Chloe's soft peach fuzz hair that had begun to   
grow   
back. When Sam spoke her voice was soft and broken. "I'm so sorry, Chlo, I have tried, and   
failed miserably to protect you from the one fear I wanted to most. I know what it is like to be   
afraid to lose your mother. I never wanted for you to have to face that. Especially after you lost   
your father. And now twice in one year." Sam shook her head as though the thought would go   
away.

Chloe took Sam's hand and wrapped her fingers tightly around several of her fingers. She just lay   
there listening to Sam's chest and holding on to her as tightly as she could.

They didn't talk much, just lay together and clung on to the knowledge that for now, they could   
hold and touch each other. It was late in the morning when Sam suggested that she would like to   
take Chloe out for brunch.

"You just don't want to cook." Chloe said grinning at Sam.

Sam laughed and said "Well duh! But seriously Chloe, I thought we would go to brunch and then   
go get you some new clothes for school. What do you think?"

Chloe's face got very stern. "I think that you are trying to do something you think is a mother,   
daughter activity. And I think it is trying to do too much." Chloe put her arms around Sam.   
"Momma, you don't have that kind of energy now. I know that and I don't want you to push to   
hard. Let's look though some catalogs and online. Then Bailey and I will go get what we pick out   
when he gets home." Sam looked close to tears again. Finally Chloe said "Momma, please just get   
well. That is what I need." Sam nodded but was clearly miserable.

When Bailey called he could tell that Sam was doing much better. "So what are you two up to   
tonight."

Sam laughed. "I think we are having pizza again. Pizza and liquid junk! I love my diet right   
now."

Bailey laughed. "Lots of calories at least. Got to keep enough weight on you for me to hold on to

you, you know."

Sam laughed again. "You don't seem to have too much trouble in that department."

"Practice makes perfect."

Sam dropped her voice a little and sounded coy "When are you coming home?"

"Not soon enough, but I am trying. We are getting close Sam."

"Will you be home before Tuesday?"

"It's okay Sam, nothing in the world will keep me from being there Monday night. I'll be there!   
Sam, what are you doing about your shots?"

"I've been going in and getting Bill to give them to me. But I was thinking about having him   
teach   
Chloe. I am getting tired again, and it is hard for me to have to go in everyday."

"I think that is a very good idea Sam. Please ask her about it. I think she needs to know how to   
give all your meds."

"I'll see Bailey, maybe over dinner."

Sam and Bailey talked for over an hour and then he was interrupted by John. "I have to go back   
to   
work. I promised someone I wouldn't dottle."

"I love you Bailey, please be careful and hurry home."

When the pizza arrived, Sam and Chloe decided to eat on the patio. The weather was perfect.   
They had fun laughing and talking. Finally Sam said. "Chloe, how would you feel about taking a   
little more of a role in my health care?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, since we all have an interest in my getting better I was wondering if you would like to   
help?   
I have been having Bailey give me shots everyday and since he has been gone, I have to go to the   
hospital to get them. I was thinking that maybe you would like to give them to me. You would   
be   
giving me medicine that will help me get better and saving me the energy of having to go to the   
hospital everyday."

Chloe looked a little pensive.

"You don't have too. But I figured you might want to. We can get Bill to teach you and then if I   
need anything else you can give that to me too." Sam was watching Chloe's face carefully.   
Suddenly she realized why Chloe seemed a bit apprehensive. Sam smiled. "They really don't   
hurt, you know. I'm used to them now and I think of them as very good medicine. You wouldn't   
be hurting me Chlo, just helping."

Chloe smiled. "I want to help. So, when do we get started?"

Sam laughed and tickled Chloe a little. "I'll take you with me tomorrow and then you can start."

The house was very dark and quiet when Bailey finally came home Sunday night. Tired and   
emotionally frazzled he was glad to be home. He dropped his stuff in his room and slipped down   
the hall. Opening Chloe's door he went over and softly kissed her forehead and whispered "I'm   
home kido. I love you." Chloe smiled dreamily but didn't really wake up. He quietly closed her   
door behind him and went to Sam's room.

Her door was open a little and he stood in the doorway and watched her sleep for a bit. Then   
taking off his tie, he shut the door and continued to strip down. Gently, he crawled into bed next   
to Sam. She pushed back until she was firmly wrapped in his arms. "I'm so glad you're home. I   
missed you so much." Her voice was soft and vulnerable.

Bailey sighed tiredly and buried his face in Sam's neck, taking in deep breaths. She smelled so   
wonderful to him. He had missed her beyond comprehension. After a bit he said very quietly   
"Sam, I don't think I can make love to you tonight. I'm just too tired, but do you think maybe I   
can just feel you close to me?"

Sam kissed him gently and pulled off her gown. "I was just thinking that I wanted to be closer to   
you and I don't mind Bailey. I'm awfully tired myself. I didn't know you were coming home   
tonight so I didn't plan my energy very well."

Bailey opened one eye and looked carefully at Sam. "You okay?"

Sam smiled a bit. "Just low energy. I'm okay." Bailey looked a little longer and then Sam said.   
"I'm okay Bail. Really! Time to relax and enjoy being home. Just hold me." It wasn't long   
before Sam noticed Bailey's breathing had become very regular and deep.

In the morning, Bailey and Sam showered together and then made their way down to the kitchen.   
Chloe was already up and cooking breakfast. She looked surprised to see Bailey and went to give   
him a hug. "I told you I was home last night Chloe, but you didn't want to wake up to see me."   
He   
said teasingly.

"I missed you. I'm glad you are here."

"So, you ready for your first day of school today?" He asked.

Chloe's eyes brightened. "You remembered."

"Of course I remembered. I'm driving right?"

Sam looked at Bailey, smiled and shook her head slightly. Bailey grinned back at her and winked.

"Hey Chloe, will you do me a favor? On my bed is a red and white striped sack. Will you go and

get it and bring it to me?"

When she was gone Sam looked at Bailey and said "What are you up to you mess?"

Bailey laughed. "I got her a new outfit for school. I think she will like it. I had the sales girl   
help   
me. She didn't look much older than Chloe."

Sam gave him a very loving look. "That was sweet of you Bailey."

"Hey, I can be very sweet when I want to be." He said faining hurt.

Sam giggled and then looked very mischievous. "You should be rewarded for such sweetness.   
Too   
bad you have to go out."

He gave her a wicked little grin. "Oh, but I will be back. And then we will have the house all to   
ourselves."

When Chloe brought the sack to Bailey, he smiled and said "Did you peek?"

Chloe looked a little startled and then smiled and shook her head.

"Well, don't you think you should? It's for you." Bailey laughed.

Chloe giggled and rolled open the sack. Sam thought her face was priceless when she saw what   
was   
in the sack and dearly wished she had her camera at that moment. Chloe pulled out her new   
clothes   
with a very big grin on her face and then threw her arms around Bailey. "Okay" He said.   
"Better   
get a move on, you don't want to miss your grand entrance."

When Bailey got back, Sam was sitting at the desk in the den writing bills. He came up behind her

and put his arms around her. "Sam, I wish you would let me help with some of that." Sam sighed   
and leaned back against him. "So how is my girl really doing?" He said with a tone that told Sam   
he wanted the truth.

Sam sighed and stood up. Taking his hand she pulled him over to the sofa and curled up in his   
lap.   
"I'm very tired Bail. Everything seems just a little more than I can handle. I just don't have any   
energy."

Bailey nodded and said. "You know Sam, I would be a little worried if you weren't depressed."

Sam smiled gently. "I'm not depressed Bailey. I meant physically. I am tired physically. I don't   
like it though and that doesn't make me very happy."

"So this has gotten worse over the last week?" He asked.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Well, did you talk to Tim?"

"No, it didn't occur to me, I just figured this was normal." Sam looked a bit upset and then   
sighed.   
"I'm sorry Bailey. I don't think I am using much of my brain right now."

Bailey tightened his arms around her and he gently kissed her. "It's okay Baby, I should have   
been   
here. Lets call him and talk to him about it."

Dr. Gerald wanted Sam to come in immediately and have blood tests done. When the results were   
back, Sam and Bailey met with him in his office.

"Well Sam, I'm not very happy with this. You are very anemic. Very! This is not good for   
several reasons. The first of which of course is that you don't feel well." Dr. Gerald paused and   
gave her a fond look. "But my biggest concern is that this is going to set back your treatment for   
tomorrow by about two weeks."

Sam looked very distressed. As Dr. Gerald looked at her, tears began to form in her eyes.   
"Sam?"   
He waited but she just continued to look more upset. "Sam, this isn't the end of the world. It will   
just set things back some. You have some room."

Sam shook her head as Bailey placed his hand on her arm. "No Tim, you don't understand, I   
want   
my life back and I am not willing to spend one extra minute to get it. You don't know what it   
takes   
for me to walk back into that room and know I have to go through it again. I'm ready now. I   
want to get it over with tomorrow. I don't want to wait." The tears were threatening to fall.   
Sam   
blinked several times but, eventually she couldn't stop them.

Bailey moved near Sam and put his arms around her. Dr. Gerald looked at Sam and then finally   
coughed a little and said. "Sam, there is one option, but I can't make any promises. I don't like to

use this procedure for this purpose because of the inherent risk factors, but if it is that important   
to   
you we can discuss it. But regardless of this, you will have to wait a day or two for your   
treatment."

Sam looked at Dr. Gerald, her eyes very doe like. "What is it, what do I have to do?"

"Blood transfusions. Several. If we can get your red blood cell count reasonable and we start   
you   
on a new medication to speed up their growth, you can go ahead and have your treatment. But   
Sam, I am talking about at least three transfusions. There are all kinds of risks involved and if   
you will just wait, then the medication will have your own counts up in about two weeks. Plus you   
will have to be hospitalized to receive the blood. A huge infection risk. I would much rather you   
wait, but, I am here to treat all of you Sam, not just the cancer. If you really want to go ahead,   
we can."

Sam looked at the floor for a few minutes. While Bailey watched her face and tried to guess what

she was going to do. Finally she said, "Tim, can the transfusions come from people I know?"

"Yes, but they have to meet certain criteria. Such as, Chloe can't donate Sam. She is too young.   
And the type has to be right. And they must be very healthy right now. I'm not running the risk   
of you getting something. Look, why don't you and Bailey go and talk about it, he has a stake in   
this too, and then come back at one and tell me what you want to do. I'll do whatever you decide.   
Okay?"

Sam and Bailey stood on the sidewalk outside the hospital. "How about lunch?"

"I'll get the car." Bailey said walking off.

He was back in a few minutes, and got out to help Sam into the car. Driving, he glanced over to   
her several times. Finally he said. "I'll do what you want, but I'm going to tell you how I feel   
about it. Sam, this scares me. I love you, and I wish you would wait. There aren't any physical   
risks in waiting, Tim said so. But, I do know what you have to go through to get there. I know   
you have worked hard to be mentally ready. And you know I can and will donate if that is what   
you choose."

Sam watched Bailey's profile as he drove. She was very quiet. Finally, as they arrived at the   
restaurant, she said. "You do understand what those two weeks mean don't you?"

Bailey looked at Sam and locked his eyes onto hers. "I know that I can wait two more weeks to   
start our lives together if it means you don't have to take on any extra risks. And I know that I   
love you with all my heart and that I want you happy and functioning at the maximum level you   
can, Whatever that takes. Sam, whatever you choose to do, I'll go along with."

Sam's eyes filled with tears again and her voice was hoarse when she spoke again. "Bailey, I'm   
too   
tired to even make love to you. I hate that! I don't want to be that tired."

Bailey leaned over and drew her into his arms. "Sam, there are so many ways to make love. We   
managed last night and this morning. Honey, I just need to be close to you. This is such a small   
amount of time in our lives."

When Sam and Bailey arrived back at Dr. Gerald's office Bailey still did not know what Sam's   
decision would be. But he suspected that she was going to get the transfusions.

Dr. Gerald met with them in his office right at one. "Well?"

Sam looked over at Bailey and then took his hand. "Okay, I'll wait. But not more than two   
weeks.   
If the medicine doesn't work by then, then I'm not willing to wait any longer."

Bailey let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Smiling broadly he said. "Sounds   
reasonable to me."

Dr. Gerald smiled too. "Okay so let's get you on this medicine. Then home to rest. It will be   
several days before you notice some energy returning. By the way, I am very proud of you Sam,   
you actually gained a pound this week. Good Job! I know it isn't easy for you to drink that stuff   
but I want you to keep it up. You are really dealing very well. Much better than most of my   
patients. But then that doesn't really surprise me."

Sam went straight to bed when she got home. Bailey went to pick Chloe up at school. On the way

home he explained what had happened. Chloe was relieved that Sam would be getting some   
energy   
back and thought she had made a good decision.

When Chloe got home she went to see Sam. Crawling into bed with her, Sam put her arms   
around   
her and said. "Hey there my love, how was your first day of school?"

It was about four days before Sam began to feel like maybe she was getting a little energy back.   
She was still terribly frustrated at not being able to do really simple tasks. Even walking up and   
down the stairs had become too much and so she finally just stayed in her room. Bailey, Chloe   
and Angel came and went and kept her company most of the time. One afternoon, Bailey brought   
Sam the mail to go through. Sam casually flipped through it but suddenly stopped. "Damn it."

Bailey looked up a little startled since Sam rarely swore and usually only when it was serious.   
"What?"

Sam looked upset and glanced up at Bailey. Looking back down at the envelope, she bit her   
bottom   
lip and then looked back at Bailey and sighed loudly.

"Come on Sam, what is it?"

Sam looked down at the envelope again and was quiet for a while. Finally she looked at Bailey.   
"Okay Bailey, I guess I don't have much choice. I just can't deal with all of this right now."

"Deal with what? Sam, tell me."

Sam waved the envelope a little at Bailey. "It's an overdue notice on the car payment. The   
second   
one. They're all behind."

Bailey sat on the side of the bed. "Sam, why didn't you tell me you were in trouble?"

"I'm not in trouble Bailey, I have the money, well except for the medical bills, but those will take   
me years to pay. I just haven't had the energy to sit down and write the checks and concentrate   
that   
long."

Bailey looked a little hurt. "You know Sam, sometimes I really don't know what is going on with   
you. I thought you trusted me, I want to help you, I don't understand why you didn't tell me   
about   
this before."

Sam put her hand up to cup Bailey's cheek. "Of course I trust you Bailey, this has nothing to do   
with trust." Sam was obviously frustrated. "Look, from the day I met you, you have always   
watched out for me and taken care of me. How could I not trust you? Besides, I love you. But   
when Tom died, I wanted to prove I could handle my own affairs. Not being able to write my   
bills makes me feel like I have failed."

Bailey's eyes got very soft. "Sam, you don't have anything to prove to anyone. Look what you   
have provided for yourself and Chloe. Honey, you are sick! We all need help sometimes. You   
have even helped me when I have needed it. I don't mean to discount how you feel about this. But   
I really don't understand the big deal. Just let me help for a while. Then if you want you can do   
it yourself but, you know Sam, when we get married.... well, we can figure all that out later.   
Will you let me pay the bills? I don't mind and I really think we need to get this fixed before   
you have bigger problems. Okay?" Sam nodded but looked very unhappy.

Just when Sam was convinced that she was going stir crazy she began to feel better and noticed a   
significant change in her energy level. When Chloe came home from school she was happy to find

Sam messing around in the dark room. "You must be feeling better."

Sam giggled a little. "I am feeling a little better."

"Where's Bailey?"

"He had some errands to run. He is getting supper too. He is supposed to call and ask what you   
want. As long as it is not pizza."

Chloe laughed. "Had enough for a while, huh?"

"Definitely!"

The next week flew by. Sam noticed each day was a little easier. Each day she had more energy.   
But she also was a little concerned. Bailey seemed very preoccupied. She had tried to talk to him   
about it but he just assured her he was fine. Finally Monday arrived. Dr. Gerald was pleased   
with   
Sam's blood counts and decided that it was okay for her chemo the next day. Sam had a funny mix   
of dread and pleasure. Another step closer to being done, yet she knew what she was facing.

She sat on the sofa that night and helped Chloe with her homework. After a while she felt she was

being watched. Glancing up she saw Bailey standing in the doorway. He had a smile on his face.   
"Sorry, I was just enjoying the view." He said with a slightly embarrassed grin. Sam and Chloe   
grinned at each other and Bailey came to sit with them. They attacked him with hugs and kisses.   
Giggling and laughing.

After Chloe went to bed, Bailey came to Sam's room. He was a little surprised to find her curled   
up in the chair, crying. He bent down near her. "Sam?"

"I'm okay Bailey." She said wiping away the tears.

"That's funny, because I'm not." He said in such a soft and vulnerable voice.

Sam looked at him in a confused way. "What?"

Bailey was quiet for a few minutes and then said. "I love you Sam."

Sam's confusion was growing. "Bailey?"

Bailey sat down on the floor and reached to pull Sam into his lap. He held her there quietly for a   
few minutes and then she felt him tremble a little. Finally, he opened his mouth and in barely a   
whisper he said, "Sam, I love you so much. I know I told you I would wait. I don't want to wait   
any longer. I believe with all my heart that you are getting better and I know we will be together   
but I need to know that you are my wife. I want that so badly it has taken over my thoughts."

They were both quiet for a while. Suddenly, she could feel Bailey getting weak. The strong,   
powerful arms, felt limp. "Bailey, I love you. I never thought it was possible to love anyone as   
much as I loved Tom. But I do Bailey, I love you that much. I just don't want to leave you a   
widower. I'm so afraid of that. You have to know that I want to be your wife. I want that for   
me, I want that for you and I want that for Chloe. But I am afraid."

Bailey leaned his head against Sam's. His voice was so hoarse it was hard for her to understand   
him. "Oh God, how do I begin to explain this. Sam, it isn't just a piece of paper to me. It means   
that you have promised me to be with me forever. Forever! No matter what, you will be with   
me. I won't believe that you won't get better but if it happened, then I would have that. It would   
be worse for me to have never been yours, than to have been yours and lost you." Bailey was   
crying now. Openly. "I'm sorry Sam, I just couldn't hide this."

Sam was stunned. She had never seen Bailey like this. And she had not considered what he was   
saying before. She was quiet for a long time. Then softly she nuzzled his neck and gently kissed   
him. She moved to his ear and whispered. "I love you with all my heart and I want to give you   
what you want, but I need just a little more time Bail. I know this is important to you, but I have   
to get this right for both of us. Please understand. You are just too important to me to get it   
wrong. I promise I will consider what you said."

Bailey sat quietly. The tears still falling. Finally, he nodded his head a little and buried his face   
in   
her neck. After a bit Sam whispered to him again. "I know you don't understand Bailey, but I do

love you with every beat of my heart."

The morning brought chaos. Sam woke up late, she tried to make Chloe's lunch and get dressed   
herself. She was loosing the time battle. Finally, she went to wake Bailey, she was surprised to   
find he was not in his room. Concerned, she looked around the house. She had just finished   
looking in the den when she heard the front door close. She walked into the front hall. Looking   
at him she said. "Bailey?"

He shrugged and started up the steps, "I went for a walk. I'll be ready by the time you get back   
from taking Chloe to school."

She watched him climb the steps and then turned and called to Chloe to hurry.

Sam hurried back to the house. As he had said, Bailey was waiting on her, ready to go. He   
climbed   
behind the wheel and drove the short trip to the hospital quietly. Sam glanced at him a few times   
but didn't say anything. She knew he was having a hard time, but she had to sort things out for   
herself first.

Bailey held her hand and gently caressed her scalp while she got her medications, and she knew   
that   
he wasn't just going through the motions but she also knew he wasn't completely there with her.

Bill was his usual cheery self. He asked Sam about Chloe and Angel. When he was done, he   
brought out a strange looking bag. "Sam, Dr. Gerald has changed some of your medications.   
This is another one that must be taken each day. It is to help keep your blood counts higher. It   
goes in your IV port and takes about 20 minutes. Do you and Bailey think you can handle this at   
home? Sam nodded and Bailey put his hand out to take the bag. Bill smiled a bit and said. "I'll   
show you how and you can start tomorrow Bailey." Bailey smiled back and shrugged.

On the drive home, Bailey again was quiet. He looked a million miles away. As they approached   
an intersection the light turned red but he showed no sign of slowing down. "Bailey, stop!"   
Bailey   
jammed on the breaks. He looked at Sam, instantly fearful, he said, "Oh God Sam, are you okay.   
I'm sorry."

Sam looked at him for a minute and then softly said. "Bailey, I know you are hurt, and I know   
you are having trouble keeping your mind on stuff right now. But, I can't ever marry you unless   
we are both here to do it. So please, honey, pay attention while you are driving. Okay?"

He nodded and put his hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry Sam. I promise, I'll pay attention."

As soon as they got home, Sam went to lay down. She had had a busy morning and was still tired   
a   
lot. Gradually, she began to feel the nausea. She thought maybe she would wait a while but then   
it   
didn't take long to get bad. She went to Bailey's room. Bailey was lying on his bed staring at the   
ceiling. Sam gently cleared her throat. He rose up and looked at her. His face took on a tender,   
loving look. "Time for some meds?" She nodded. "Okay, lets go." He said sliding off the end of

the bed. Tenderly he led her back to her room and helped her back into bed. Then he got the   
medication and came back to her side. Carefully he helped her find a spot and then gave her the   
shot.

When he was done, Sam weakly asked, "Bailey, will you hold me for a little while?" Bailey   
smiled   
softly and crawled into bed next to Sam. Gently he put his arms around her and pulled her to   
him.   
Sam sighed deeply.

She had several bouts of dry heaves and then finally she was quiet. Still lying in his arms, she fell   
asleep. Bailey watched her and held her tightly as she whimpered a bit. After a while she began   
to   
cry. Tears formed in the corners of her closed eyes and Bailey softly wiped them away, careful   
not to wake her.

After an hour or so, she woke up and looked into Bailey's loving eyes. He smiled a sad smile and   
said. "You okay, babe?" She nodded but began to cry. Bailey looked concerned, "Sam, you   
feeling that bad?"

Sam shook her head a little. She opened her mouth to say something but the words wouldn't come.

Finally, she managed to croak out. "I love you so much Bailey."

Bailey tightened his arms around her again and said. "I know you do Sam. I'm sorry I pushed   
you. I just want so badly for us to marry. I want to know you are mine. I know it is selfish but I   
can't seem to help it when it comes to you."

Sam gently pulled away and kissed him. Softly she said. "I am yours Bailey, I swear. Only   
yours.   
And you are not being selfish. I have been the selfish one. I didn't realize what this meant to   
you. I was only thinking of myself. I didn't understand but now I do. I love you with all my   
heart but I was having trouble with letting go of my life with Tom. I felt like marrying you   
would have been unfaithful to him. I know I haven't been honest with you Bailey. I am so sorry   
but I know now that Tom would have wanted me to love again and I do."

Bailey looked at Sam for a bit. He was quiet. Then tenderly caressed her face and nodded.   
"Sam, I don't want you to leave behind the life you had with Tom. It was a time of great love and   
joy for   
you. Not to mention your love created Chloe. That isn't necessary. I know that he was your first

love and that he loved you and was good to you and for that I think he was wonderful. I just want

to love you myself and be a part of you. I hope I have never given you the impression that you   
had   
to give up your love of Tom for me. I would never want that.

Sam was quiet. She just moved her hand deftly over his chest and held it over his heart. Slowly a

smile came to her face. "It must be huge." She said quietly.

"What?" Bailey said very confused.

Sam giggled a bit at his surprise. "Your heart, it must be huge.

Bailey smiled. "I adore you Samantha Waters. I love all of you and Tom is part of you."

After a bit Sam grew quiet again. She was tired and the meds were wearing off and she was sick   
again. Bailey held her and caressed her until she whispered to him. "Bailey, I need some more   
medicine."

He gave her some more and they passed the night quietly holding each other and talking when   
Sam   
was feeling better.

In the morning, Sam still felt bad but gently shook him awake. "Bail, will you come shower with   
me? I want to be close to you and then we have some plans to make."

"Honey, you feel so bad, the plans will wait. Just rest for a couple of days, then I will get it all   
together for us."

Sam nodded a bit but then said. "I really want a shower Bailey, I feel like I need one but I am   
afraid to go alone. I'm sort of feeling weak."

He smiled a little. "Now that I can deal with. I'll be glad to go with you."

He helped her to the bathroom and into the shower. Tenderly he washed her, then dried her and   
helped her back to bed. She was so tired, she fell asleep as her head hit the pillow.

Bailey sat on the edge of the bed and lifted her hand to his lips. He knew she was asleep, but he   
bent down and whispered in her ear. "Sam, I worship the ground that you walk on and soon you   
will be mine to love and care for the rest of our days. God has answered this prayer for me and I   
know he will answer my other one too. You will be well again. I know that."

Sam slept for most of the day. She woke a few times but soon needed more medicine and then fell

back to sleep. Bailey stayed with her and Angel shuttled Chloe to school.

In the afternoon Angel called. Sam was already awake so she answered the phone.

"Sam, we have a little problem." Angel said cautiously.

"What? Is Chloe okay?"

"Uh well, Sam that's the problem. She's okay, but she can't come home."

Sam was getting upset. She could tell that Angel didn't really want to tell her what was going on.   
"Why can't Chloe come home, Angel?"

"When I picked her up from school, she looked kind of peaked. I took her over to the doctor.   
Sam, Chloe has the chicken pox."

"Damn it!" Sam started to cry.

Bailey had been only half listening to the conversation from Sam's end. But when she swore and   
started to cry he went to her side and touched her cheek. "What is it Sam?"

Sam looked at him and bit her bottom lip a bit to stop it from quivering. "Chloe has the chicken   
pox. She is sick Bailey, and I can't even comfort her."

He looked at her with sympathy and nodded. "I'm sorry Sam, I know that is hard for you. But   
you know that Angel will take good care of her."

Sam turned her attention back to the phone. "Angel are you able to keep her for a while? I know

this isn't a good time."

"She's okay here Sam. Don't worry about that. I will even give her hugs from you."

"Is she awake, can I talk to her?"

"She is lying on the sofa. I'll get her."

When Chloe's voice came on the line Sam tried hard to sound happy. "Hey there my love! I hear   
you found the chicken pox that you have been hunting for all your life."

Chloe giggled a bit. "I'm sorry momma. I know this isn't a good time. "Sam sighed. "No Chloe,   
I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're sick and I am especially sorry that momma can't be with you to   
make you feel better. I would do anything to be there."

"I wish you could too Momma, but Angel will help and I just want my momma well too. I know   
you love me, and I love you. I will try to get better quickly so I can come and hug you, okay?"

When Sam hung up the phone she looked into Bailey's eyes. He put his hand up and wiped away   
the tears and held her while she cried. She was so frustrated and he knew she was hurting.

Sam talked with Chloe several times each day. Sometimes the calls would last for hours. She   
missed holding Chloe and she wanted her to feel like she was there. As the week went by, Sam and   
Bailey talked about the plans. But Sam decided to wait and surprise Chloe.

After a week, Sam had Angel take Chloe to see Tim Gerald. He gave his approval for Chloe to go

home. Sam was waiting at the door. She pulled Chloe up into her arms and held her. Quietly she

whispered into her ear. "My baby! Just where you should be. I missed you so much." She led   
Chloe into the den. "Let your momma look at you." Chloe was wearing a tank top and shorts.   
Sam   
took note of each sore. "I'm sorry you were so sick, little one. I love you."

Chloe smiled and hugged Sam. "I'm feeling much better Momma."

"I'm so glad Chlo. We missed you around here." Sam said smiling.

"Where is Bailey, Momma."

"He wanted to give us some time together, Chlo. Besides, he is out getting something special for   
you and me."

"What?" Chloe asked, her eyes wide with excitement.

Sam placed her hand over her mouth and shook her head. Laughing she said, "Sorry my little   
one,   
it is a surprise."

Chloe looked disappointed.

"Its okay Chlo, it will be worth the wait, I promise."

When Bailey got home, Chloe ran to greet him. "Hey Kido!" Bailey said hugging her tightly.

"I'm glad to see you Uncle Bailey." Chloe said giving him a kiss on his cheek.

Bailey glanced over Chloe's head at Sam and grinned. Sam nodded and smiled. Bailey took a   
deep   
breath and said, "Hey, how would you like to drop the Uncle part of that?"

Chloe instantly let go of Bailey and turned to look at Sam, very confused. Sam moved toward her

and gently caressed her head as she reached over her to kiss Bailey. Then she looked down at   
Chloe and said. "Well, Chlo, we just thought it sounded funny to call him Uncle. After all, after   
tomorrow, he will be your stepfather."

Chloe was quiet for a few moments as the words Sam had said slowly sunk in. Then suddenly, she

grinned. "Tomorrow? You're getting married tomorrow?"

Sam and Bailey both smiled and Sam nodded her head enthusiastically.

Chloe jumped up into Bailey's arms and kissed him and then leaned over and kissed Sam.   
Giggling   
she said, "This is so cool!" Sam moved close and hugged them both.

Chloe chattered away for hours that evening. She had tried to pry the secret out of Bailey but he   
wouldn't budge. "You have to wait."

Late in the evening Sam tucked Chloe into bed. She was so happy to have her home. Gently she   
dabbed medicine on all of Chloe's sores then she sat on the edge of the bed and held her for a long

time. Quietly she said, "Chlo, I missed you so. I'm very glad you are home." She was quiet for a   
while and then said. "You are still okay with Momma and Bailey getting married, right?"

Sam heard a muffled sob against her chest and felt her nod a little. Gently she pushed Chloe away   
a   
little and looked questioningly into her face. "Chlo?"

Chloe nodded again and in a tiny voice said. "I want that more than anything I have ever   
wanted."

Sam smiled and pulled her back into a tight hug. "Okay, baby, okay."

When Chloe was finally asleep Sam kissed her forehead and slowly stood up. She gazed down at   
her for a while and smiled and then quietly left the room. She moved down the hall and stopped   
in the doorway of her bedroom. Bailey was standing near the lamp, with his back to the door,   
looking at something. "May I see?"

Bailey glanced over his shoulder and grinned. "Can't wait for tomorrow?" Sam shook her head   
and a small shy smile came to her lips.

Bailey laughed. "Okay, you can see hers, but yours you will have to wait for."

Sam came near Bailey and he held up the gift. Sam smiled. "Bailey, it is beautiful, They did a   
wonderful job making it. She will love it. It was very sweet of you to think of it." Gently she   
kissed him.

Lying in bed, Bailey pulled Sam in close. The full moon shone its light through the window and   
he   
could easily see Sam's face. He watched her for a bit and then quietly said, "Sam, at the risk of   
blowing things for tomorrow, will you tell me why you changed your mind?"

Sam looked deep into his face. She could suddenly feel the tension of his body and the fear and   
uncertainty in his eyes. Softly she put her cheek against his and with her mouth close to his ear   
she   
said. "The best reason I know of Bail. I love you with every cell of my being. I had a dream   
about Tom. I realized that not marrying you wouldn't save you from hurting if something   
happened to me. It might actually make it harder. I loved Tom and I loved knowing that he was   
mine and no one else's and I realized that you needed to feel that and so do I. And, I want to give   
you something that you want."

She felt him relax a bit. He was quiet and Sam began to wonder what he was thinking when he   
finally said. "Sam, my life is incomplete. You make me whole. I need you to be a part of me and

for me to be a part of you but I wanted to make sure that you were not just doing this for me. I   
know I pushed."

"I'm glad you did Bail. I want to marry you. I was going to eventually. I had to. You are my   
soul mate, my best friend, my protector, my lover. You make me better than I could ever be   
alone   
and I am very happy to know that, in less than twelve hours, you will also be my husband. And   
Bailey, you were honest. You told me what you needed. I love you for that."

Bailey kissed her tenderly and Sam moved even closer to him. She suddenly couldn't get close   
enough to suit her until she found herself lying almost on top of him her face buried in his neck,   
his arms tightly wrapped around her. Her weight was a comfort to him and he pulled her to him   
as closely as he could. They slept soundly.

There was a flurry of activity in the morning. Sam and Bailey had elected to marry in the back   
yard and Angel had offered to create a sculptured arch for the occasion that would stay in the   
yard later as a wedding gift. Grace helped Chloe get dressed and worked on her hair. Bailey and   
Sam were busy helping each other dress. Bailey had opted for a tux and had found a dress for   
Sam but she had put the final touches on the formality of the occasion by insisting on no footwear.

Bailey smiled as Sam stood before him. Her dress was filmy and gauzy. White with embroidered

doves, the skirt was long and tulip like. She turned slowly so he could get a complete picture.   
"Ahhh Sam, my sweet Sam, you look beautiful."

"And you look so handsome. I have always thought you were sexy in a tux Bailey."

Bailey smiled. "Shall we see if the minister and our guests are here?"

Sam nodded and smiled as he took her hand.

The group in the back yard was small. But exactly what Sam and Bailey had wanted. Chloe and   
Angel were in the dresses that Sam had chosen. A soft blue, Satin. Simple but elegant. Chloe's   
hair had begun to grow out again and Grace had helped her put a bow in it.

John and George were smiling at Sam and conferring. Sam started to walk to them and had to   
smile as she stepped into the grass and felt the cool stiffness of the grass between her toes. She   
hugged them both and thanked them for coming.

Bailey went to his best man and put out his hand. "I'm glad you agreed to do this, it means a lot   
to   
me and even more to Sam. We talked for a while about this, no question, Tim, you are just the   
right person."

Tim Gerald smiled. "I was very honored Bailey." Both men turned to look at Sam. She was   
laughing with Chloe and Angel. "She's beautiful Bailey, you are a lucky man."

Bailey nodded, "I know."

The minister called them and everyone took their place. The ceremony was short. They had   
considered writing their own vows but decided against it. Both knew what the other was   
promising. At the end, the minister pronounced them and said that Bailey had asked to speak. All   
eyes were on the couple as Bailey kissed Sam again and cleared his throat. "This wedding and   
marriage is about more than just me and my wife. It is about our family. I have chosen to make   
a pledge here before our friends and God to my new daughter. And just as I have given her   
mother a gift, so will I give Chloe one." Bailey moved to be near Chloe and picked up her hand   
into his. "Chloe, I promise to always be available to you. To protect you and think of you and to   
love you as if you were my own flesh. We are family. I love you." Slowly he pulled a small box   
from his pocket and opened it. He took the necklace out and held it for her to see. It was a gold   
heart. Inside the heart were three connecting rings and within each ring was a birthstone, each a   
different color. As he gently put it around her neck he said. "These stones stand for each of us.   
Our lives are connected forever now."

Chloe looked into Bailey's face. She had tears falling down her face. "I love you Bailey." She   
hugged him and then went to Sam and hugged her.

Bailey smiled and then said in a loud happy voice. "Let the celebration begin."

The reception lasted until late afternoon. As the friends were leaving, Sam moved into the house   
and sat down on the sofa in the den. She was very tired but extremely happy. She closed her eyes

and said a brief thank you for all the wonderful friends she and Bailey had. As she opened her   
eyes   
she saw Tim standing in the doorway. She smiled and motioned for him to come in.

"I know you are tired, but I just wanted to check in with you before I left. But don't tell the   
AMA I   
made a house call, I'll be drummed out of medicine." He said laughing.

Sam giggled. She patted the sofa next to her and Tim sat down. "Thank you for everything Tim."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. Tim blushed a bit. Sam laughed. "Still, after all these   
years?"

Tim still blushing nodded and said. "Well, I have always cared about you Sam. You are a   
wonderful woman."

Sam smiled shyly, "Thank you."

"Now, Mrs. Malone, how about you tell me how you are doing?"

Sam giggled again at the mention of Mrs. Malone.

They spent some time talking. As he stood up to go Tim said. "Sam, I am very pleased with the   
pace of your treatment. You have handled things very well. Call if you need anything or I will   
see you in my office next week. Oh and Sam, I am very, very happy for you. Congratulations."

Chloe had just come to the doorway of the den, as he left he gave her a peck on the cheek. Sam   
opened her arms and Chloe moved quickly into them. Sam kissed her head and held her tightly.   
"Happy, little one?"

Chloe nodded. She fingered her necklace and then held up Sam's hand. Sam smiled, this was the   
first time that she herself got a moment to inspect her ring. It was stunning. All the way around it

were small diamonds and the band itself had small hearts paired. Sam smiled. "See Chlo, it was   
worth the wait, wasn't it?"

End of part seven   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Ever After

Ever After Disclaimer: Profiler belongs to NBC, Sanders/Moses Productions, Cynthia Saunders and Stephen   
Kronish. No copyright infringement intended.

Classification: SBR

Rated: PG 13

Author's note: This story deals with a very serious illness. Breast Cancer. It contains graphic   
discussion. Please don't read it if you will be bothered by the content. Also I urge everyone to   
please practice Self Breast Exams every month and get a mammogram each year. This is the final   
chapter. It follows Hair bows, Chicken Pox and Bare feet.

Special Thanks: For all my SBR friends. Especially those that gave me feedback. Extra special   
thanks to the Angels that never gave up hope and encouragement that I would reach this stage.   
And to the one that overlooks the incredible mess and loves me anyway.

'Ever after'   
Chapter Eight   
by Tarrant

Chloe snuggled harder against her and then Sam felt some wet tears soaking through her dress.   
Sam softly kissed her and held her. She rocked her for a while and then finally she pushed her   
away far enough to see her face. "My sweet precious child, I love you so, I know you have had   
some very hard times. You have made me proud of you. You have dealt with all of them so well.   
But, I'm glad you will still come to me when you need me. You can grow up and move away,   
but you will always be my baby."

Sam and Chloe spent about an hour on the couch together, then Chloe disappeared upstairs and   
Sam drifted off to sleep. When she heard a soft noise, she opened her eyes and saw Bailey leaning   
over her. He smiled tiredly and sat down next to her. Picking up her hand he squeezed it gently   
and then brought it to his lips. He kissed it over and over and then rested it just under his nose   
and took in a deep breath. Sam brought her feet up under her and leaned into him. Bailey   
reached over and picked up the remote control and turned on some music softly. Then he   
wrapped his arms around Sam. Tenderly, they caressed each other and reveled in the warmth of   
being one together.

It was well after nine when they climbed the stairs together. They knocked on Chloe's door and   
went in to say goodnight. She had just finished her homework and Sam offered to tuck her in.   
Bailey kissed Chloe on the cheek. "I'll see you in our room." He whispered. Sam smiled a bit   
when he used those words for the first time.

Sam put the medicine on all of Chloe's spots, she noticed there seemed to be fewer and was   
grateful that she was healing so quickly. Sam tucked Chloe under the covers and kissed her   
forehead. "Good night my sweet girl. Have some wonderful dreams."

Sam walked down the hall and stopped in the doorway of the bedroom. It was aglow with soft   
candle light. Bailey had poured glasses of cold champagne and was standing near the window.   
Looking out, he didn't hear Sam as she came up behind him. Softly she blew against his ear as she   
wrapped her arms around him from behind and put her face softly against his back. Bailey sighed   
heavily and then turned in her embrace. He kissed her forehead and worked down her face until   
he came to her lips, she smiled as he moved closer and then kissed her.

They held the kiss for a long time and finally Sam giggled and Bailey pulled away slightly,   
looking into Sam's face questioningly. She pointed at the window and giggled again. "We are   
giving the neighborhood a good show."

Bailey blushed a little and laughed. Letting go of Sam, he moved over and closed the blinds.   
Then he walked to the bedside table and picked up a glass and handed it to Sam. They clinked   
glasses and then kissed again. Sam put her glass back on the table and ran her hands from his   
back up his neck and then through his hair. He put his glass down too and gently pulled Sam   
down onto the bed. The Champagne forgotten, they made love until early morning and then slept   
wrapped tightly in each others arms.

The next three weeks went by rather quickly. Chloe loved knowing that Bailey was now an   
official part of the family. Sam and Bailey made love every night and spent their days doing   
things together.

Bailey was surprised one morning when he answered the phone to find Tim Gerald. "Hi Bailey,   
is Sam around?"

"Uh, no, she just left to take Chloe to school. What's up?"

"Oh well, I was just returning her call. I will be in the office all day, will you ask her to call me   
when she comes back?"

"Sure Tim."

When Sam came home, Bailey met her at the back door. "Sam, what's wrong?"

"What?"

"Tim called and said you called him? What's wrong?"

Sam smiled and touched his cheek. She tilted her head slightly. "It's okay Bail. I'm okay, I just   
wanted to ask a question."

Bailey still looked very uneasy. "What question, Sam?"

Sam laughed a little, "My, my we are a bit nosy today."

Bailey failed to see the humor and said a little more gruffly than he would have liked, "No, just   
worried. Now what question?"

Sam's eyebrows raised a little but she realized that Bailey was truly upset so she decided to let it   
go. "Bailey, I had a thought, and I just wanted to ask Tim if it was possible. It has nothing to do   
with how I feel right now or even my treatment right now, okay?"

Bailey's face softened and then in a much more friendly way he asked "What kind of thought?"

Sam giggled a bit, "You aren't going to let this go are you?"

He shook his head and Sam laughed out loud. "Okay Bailey, I wanted to ask Tim about   
reconstruction."

This time it was Bailey's eyebrows that raised. "Why? Sam, I thought you knew that it didn't   
matter to me."

Sam looked at Bailey with a very serious face. "I know that it doesn't mean you don't love me   
Bailey, and I know that you haven't shown me one sign that it turns you off. But you know, when   
I first found out, and had the surgery, you were not a consideration, now you are, I would like   
very much to look and feel whole for you."

Bailey took her hand and sat her down at the kitchen table. His face got very close to her's and in   
a very even tone he said. "Sam, you are whole. I do not want you to do this if it is for me. I   
love you exactly the way you are. I do not need for you to change things. You made a decision   
that you could live with when you decided not to have reconstruction at the time of surgery. But,   
if it is for you, I mean really for you, then I'll be right there, holding your hand.

Sam sighed, she looked into his eyes, "I don't know what I want Bailey, I just thought that maybe   
if I had this surgery, when I was done with chemo, I could pretend this never happened. I don't   
really want a reminder every morning when I get up and put on my prosthesis. But you don't care   
and I don't really want to have surgery again. I just thought I would ask Tim what was involved.   
I'm just exploring my options, okay?"

Bailey softly caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Okay, Sam."

Over the next few days, Sam talked to Tim Gerald several times. She was quiet around the house   
and finally she disappeared into her room one afternoon. Just before supper, Bailey knocked on   
the door, and slowly opened it. Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed holding her prosthesis.   
She looked up at him when he came in.

"You know, I was just trying to decide if I could face this thing every morning."

Bailey waited for a minute and when she didn't continue he said "And?"

"Well, I don't hate it. It looks real enough under my clothes."

Bailey nodded.

"I think I have taken enough risks. If you really don't mind, I think I can live with this the rest of   
my life."

Bailey smiled. "I think that is very wise, Sam." He came to sit next to her. "You know, I have a   
feeling you will never completely understand how I feel about this. See, I love you and I don't   
miss what I never had. But the thought of getting something I don't need, at the risk of losing all   
seems senseless. I am in love with you. I love you just the way you are. So I really don't mind,   
okay?"

Sam nodded and leaned against him.

"But Sam, there is something you should know. If you change your mind someday, and you   
decide that for yourself, you don't want to live without your breast, I will always back your   
decision."

Sam sighed heavily. Softly she whispered "Thank you, Bail."

The next morning, Bailey and Sam met with Tim Gerald before her last round of chemo. When   
she told him her decision Tim seemed pleased.

"You know Sam. I think you have made a very smart decision, but I also am very pleased that   
you considered it. It tells me something very important."

Sam looked a little surprised. "What?"

"That you have thought about it tells me that you are also expecting to need to think about it.   
That you plan to live a long time."

Bailey grinned. He hadn't considered that and it was a very happy thought for him.

Sam also smiled.

Sam's last treatment seemed to pass rather uneventfully. She took the medication to fight the   
nausea and seemed to recover from the side effects pretty quickly. During Chloe's winter break,   
they all went to Disney World for a short vacation. Sam's hair slowly began to grow back. After   
a few more months Sam began to encourage Bailey to return to work. "Its time to return to our   
lives, Bailey." She had said. Finally, he returned to work and she returned to her much loved   
photography. Their nights filled with home and each other. Sam's test continued to show no   
return of the cancer and finally Tim gave her the word that he didn't need to see her for at least   
six months. As a patient at least.

One night after about a year, Bailey tiptoed into the bedroom, it was three am and he was just   
arriving home from a crime scene. Half way across the room he stopped moving and watched the   
small figure laying on the bed as the moon danced across her face. He watched as long as he   
dared, not wanting to wake her, then slowly moved to the bathroom to undress. As he tiptoed   
back into the room, she stirred a bit and then opened her eyes. She smiled sleepily and reached   
her hand out to him.

"I'm sorry my love, I didn't mean to wake you." He said in a low whisper.

Sam pulled him down on the bed next to her and placed her finger against his lips. Then she   
pulled his face near her own and said, "I could feel you were home. I'm so glad you managed to   
come home tonight, I have missed you and this bed has been so empty".

He locked on to her eyes for a bit and looked a bit guilty. Then slowly he moved his gaze across   
her face and then allowed himself to move his eyes down her body. Stopping occasionally to   
appreciate her curves that were covered only by a sheet.

She watched his face as he smiled a bit. Finally his eyes came back to hers. When he realized that   
she had been watching him, he tilted his head a bit and grinned almost embarrassed. Sam moved   
her hand to behind his neck and pulled him to her chest. She sighed heavily as she felt his lips   
touch her skin where her neck and chest met. Bailey's soft kisses graced her neck and then moved   
to her cheek. She gasped as she felt him tenderly bite her earlobe. The sensation sending a shiver   
down her spine.

Softly he whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry I was gone so long, I couldn't concentrate much you   
know. You have a way of taking over my thoughts. I have a hard time with following a   
conversation anymore when all I can think about is the way you taste and the way you smell and   
most of all, the way you feel."

Sam tightened her arms around him. "Well, with all that going through your head, you must have   
missed me something awful." She teased.

Bailey nodded. "You know, it is hard when I have left my heart at home."

She suddenly stopped smiling and moved her hand to his cheek. Tenderly she kissed him and then   
looked into his face. "Bailey, you frighten me. Promise me that you will not lose sight and feel   
for your surroundings when you are away. I miss you too, but I want you to come home to me."

"It's okay Sam. I promise, and I wanted to tell you something." He looked down into her face   
and smiled a big smile, "This is my last case, Sam. I'm tired of being away from you, and I want   
to find something that we can do together. Something happy and satisfying for us both. I put in   
my notice to retire."

Sam stared into his face, shock evident in her expression. "Retire?" Bailey nodded again. Sam   
was quiet for a long time, her thoughts racing. Finally, she said, "Bailey, your job is part of who   
you are. I have never wanted you to quit. Sure I worry, but it is part of loving you."

Bailey looked at her with love in his eyes, "Sam, I didn't retire for you. I would have if you had   
ever asked, but this I did for me. I want to be with you. I want to stop leaving our bed in the   
middle of the night. I'm tired of starting to make love to you and have to worry about whether   
the beeper was going to interfere. Sam, its time for us to have some stability in our lives. I   
vowed to you when I finally told you the truth, I wasn't ever going to let something come between   
us again. I'm getting older, I'm tired all the time, I don't eat right, although god knows you try   
to make me. I won't let my job keep me from being with the woman I love anymore."

Sam smiled softly and kissed him gently. "Is that what you really want?"

Bailey nodded.

"Then I think that is wonderful. I want you to be here with me too. But you know, I was sort of   
planning to tell you something too. You may change you mind about work when you hear."

Bailey looked into her face and waited.

Sam giggled a little. "I already have a project for us to work on together. Well, we sort of   
already have." She paused for a moment and then pulled him down and whispered in his ear.   


The end   
  
  
  


  



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